Black Holes
by PastSelf
Summary: A mysterious new cheat sends John and his sister Lauren into the game Portal 2. Trapped in the roles of the characters, both will need to fight against themselves (and possibly each other) to get home.
1. Chapter 1: I Make a Courtesy Call

**Chapter One**

 **I Make a Courtesy Call**

"You know, when mom said 'spend quality time with your sister,' I'm pretty sure this isn't what she had in mind."

I grinned over at Lauren, untangling the cord of my black Xbox controller. Her head was dipped, nose inches away from the screen of her phone, thumbs tapping madly at the tiny keyboard.

"Quality time comes in many packages," I answered.

Now she looked up, her expression distasteful. "But playing videogames?"

"I thought you liked videogames!" I exclaimed, giving the controller a final shake. The cord untwisted sullenly and I smoothed it out with my hands.

"I do," her tone was dubious, "but just not this kind."

"Yeah, if it were up to you, you would play Candy Crush for hours."

"Mach 3 is my area of expertise."

"You're great at puzzle solving games," I cajoled. "Remember when I was playing Lara Croft and you helped me solve the puzzle to get us out of the room?"

"That's different," she said, but she sounded unsure.

"Now you're just trying to worm your way out of playing. C'mon, it'll be fun!"

Now, I think this is the point that I should introduce myself. Hi, my name is John. I am a six-foot American male, age twenty. Hair color: dark brown. Eye color: dark brown. Wears glasses over same.

Lauren is my sister, and people say that we're a lot alike. I disagree. Sure, we might look alike with dark hair, light complexions, and slim builds, but that's about where the similarity ends. Lauren doesn't wear glasses, and she's been trying to color her hair a different way every week – more or less – and that day her tips were died a rusty red. And even though she knew she wasn't going anywhere, she had splashed on makeup.

Honestly, nobody's going to see her but me.

Girls.

Besides appearances, Lauren and I are so dissimilar you might think we were adopted from different families. She likes loads of friends. I'm more of a loaner. Give me a book or a videogame, I could entertain myself for hours. Not her. She needs her phone next to her constantly. If it gives so much as a chirp, she pounces on it like a cat on a bird.

Again I say, girls.

"Why do I have to be the one to play?" Lauren asked, sitting down in the chair next to me and pulling up her knees to her chest.

"I've already played this game a million times," I said, handing her the controller, booting up Steam, opening a can of soda all at the same time. Prime multitasker, that's me. "It's your turn. You're going to test, and I'm going to watch, and everything's going to be just… fine." I gave an evil snicker.

Lauren shot me a weird look. "Okay…"

I waved a hand in her direction. "You'll get it in an hour or so."

The game began to start up and I turned to look at my sister. "Alright, so this is Portal 2, so there's a game that happens before the story starts. I'm not going to have you play that one because Portal 2 is better."

"Is this like making me watch Alien 2 before watching the first Alien movie?" she asked.

"It's not called Alien 2!" I exclaimed in dismay. "It's called Aliens. Sheesh, Lauren, you're embarrassing me. Anyway, I'll catch you up on the events in the first Portal before you start playing."

"Alright." Lauren's eyes were already fixed to the screen. "What do I need to know?"

I twisted around to get a better look at her, forcing Lauren to look straight at my eyes. "Your name is Chell," I said. "You've been trapped in a science facility called Aperture Science, which is controlled by an AI named GLaDOS."

"AI?" Lauren asked.

"Artificial Intelligence." Lauren prides herself on not being a geek, like me, but just living in the same household as me means that some of my geekiness has rubbed off on her. I'm sure she knows what AI means. She just doesn't like to admit that she knows. She could play dumb as much as she liked. I knew she was a secret geek in training, my young apprentice. "So, anyway, GLaDOS, or the Genetic Life and Disc Operating System, has control over Aperture Science, which is filled with many rooms for testing: testing chambers, if you will. In order to solve these chambers, you need to use the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device, which shoots blue and orange portals you can use to step through or send objects through to solve the puzzles."

Lauren was looking at me, seemingly enraptured. At least, I thought she was enraptured, until she put her hand on my shoulder and gently said, "John, you know you're never getting a girlfriend, right?"

I rolled my eyes. "Just because I know the correct name of a portal gun doesn't mean I'm not getting a girlfriend."

"This is exactly the kind of think that ruined your date with June," said Lauren.

"The date was already going badly by the time I brought up headcrabs," I sighed. "And I couldn't care less if that scared off every girl on college campus. And every girl I know. And the girl next door. What'd she do, get a concussion to get out of going out with me?"

"She's in a coma," Lauren said softly.

"Well, that's original," I nodded, then registered a double take. "Wait, really? She's in a coma?"

Lauren nodded. "Yep."

"How?"

"Nobody knows. Just found her on the floor by her computer. Hannah told me. It's been six months."

Hannah was Lauren's best friend, the girl's sister. "What's coma girl's name, again? I haven't seen her since we were in grade school."

"Jane."

"Yeah. Jane. I always thought that was a girl next door kind of name." Lauren and I shared a thoughtful moment of silence. I clapped my hands. "Anyway, back to Portal."

"Yes, please." Lauren looked at me with an exaggerated expression of attentiveness. "Back to Portal with all speed."

"Be quiet," I suggested. "So, GLaDOS is putting you through testing, but when she's done with you, she tries to dump you in the fire."

"Charming," murmured Lauren.

"You escape and find your way to GLaDOS' central chamber. Using the portals, you are able to knock cores off of her. Cores are round little robots with one eye, programmed with one basic mechanism like curiosity, anger… cake."

"Cake?"

"I'll explain later. Not important right now. So, you knock all the cores off, feed them into the incinerator, and GLaDOS is killed. However, before you can escape, you are dragged back into the facility, and that's where Portal 2 begins. You ready?"

Lauren shrugged. "Sure."

"Then choose 'singleplayer' and let us begin."

"Singleplayer, new game… what is that?" She stopped over 'Chapter One: The Courtesy Call' and stared at Wheatley.

"That's one of the cores. You'll meet him soon enough. Go ahead and press." I settled back into my chair and drank my soda as the load screen ticked forward.

The screen changed to white and the automated voice announced, "Good morning! You have been in suspension for – fifty – days."

"Where am I?" asked Lauren, leaning forward as if she could see the character by changing position.

"It's a first-person game," I explained. "You are the camera."

"But how will I know what I look like?" she asked, fiddling with buttons.

"I'll show you after you stare at the art," I said.

"What?"

"Just keep going."

She completed the tutorial and the announcer intoned, "Please go back to your bed."

"Wait, wait, wait," I said, snatching for the controller and pausing before she could obey. "Before we start, I'll change it to third person so you can see yourself."

I muttered as I typed in the cheat code. "Okay… 'sv_cheats 1', enter. 'Thirdperson', enter."

Chell was displayed and I turned the game back on, wiggling the stick to make her turn. She didn't turn all the way around. For that you needed 'thirdperson_mayamode'.

"What did you do?" asked Lauren. "Can I play the whole game like this?"

"I used cheat codes," I explained. "Every game has them. I just googled these."

"So you basically reprogrammed the game?" Lauren took the remote and took Chell in a trot about the room. "And do you always play games as a girl? I'm sensing a pattern."

"Nnnnn…" I thought through my collection of favorite games. Portal, Lara Croft. Oh, wait, Half Life. "No," I finished confidently. "Not as a girl all the time. And, yes, with cheats you can reprogram the game. For instance," I paused the game again, "you can bind a flashlight to a key by doing this…" My fingers flew. "Or spawn boxes, or practically do anything. Wait, what's this?"

I hovered the mouse over the pop-up below. Under the suggested cheats was a bar that said 'userabsorbance_player'.

"That's weird," I said. "I've never seen that one before."

"Click on it," suggested Lauren. "What's the worst that can happen?"

There were a lot of things that could happen. Fortunately, I wasn't playing on my computer. I clicked on the suggestion to bring it up to the box, but my finger hovered over the 'Enter' key. A cold kind of uncertainty held me in its grasp and unease gnawed at my nerves. Who knew why I was feeling this way?

Lauren, holding the Xbox controller in one hand leaned over and put her finger on top of mine. With exaggerated emphasis, she pressed down my hand, and therefore the button.

Just want to point this out: it wasn't entirely my fault. She pushed the button as well. Just want to make that entirely clear before I continue my narration and say that the entire room went black.

* * *

"It feels unpleasantly like being drunk," said Ford Prefect in the wonderful book Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

"What's so unpleasant about that?" asked Arthur.

"You ask a glass of water," said Ford Prefect.

And that's exactly how it felt. Like being a glass of water being stretched thin, losing bits of yourself, and being swallowed down a massive black throat. Being nothing isn't painful. It's just unnerving, in all senses of the word, and an experience I never want to go through again.

I was chewed, swallowed, stripped of everything except raw thought, and just when I thought I couldn't take any more of this ("I have no mouth but I must scream") whatever it was spat me back out again – or maybe I passed completely through – and I found myself conscious again.

Imagine your mind as a bookshelf, all the books in their nice cubbies, perhaps some knick-knacks in jars for decoration, with an action figure or two just to tie the display together. Then an earthquake happens and everything on the bookshelf falls on the floor in a jumble, order into complete chaos, a mess on the floor. That was my mind right now.

As I started picking up books – memories, whatever – I first became aware that my surroundings were not the same as where I left them. I was in a room, rather dank and overgrown, with several computer screens flickering in a semicircle around me. Next thought: I was dangling several feet off the ground.

I stretched my foot downward, but the grimy floor was too far away to connect. Then I ran my hands up my form, trying to figure out what held me in such a predicament. When my fingers finally found the cause, I could hardly believe what I felt.

There was something implanted in my back connecting me to the ceiling.

It didn't feel uncomfortable or hindersome. If anything, it felt incredibly natural to be hanging from the ceiling by my back, but it was the oddest sensation to my probing fingers. Next, my hand came into view, and I sucked in a breath. The veins in my hands glowed. It was a small, almost undetectable glow, and in the light from the computer screens I thought I might be imagining things. But no. It was true. My veins glowed with faint blue luminescence, a warm light inside of my body.

It became stranger, because when I touched my skin it didn't feel like skin at all. It felt synthetic and rubbery, as alike to real flesh as silk is to spandex.

The new realizations came faster, now. My clothes were different. I was wearing a grey vest with a blue shirt underneath, sleeves rolled up, and a blue tie. The shoes on my dangling feet were battered grey sneakers with dirty white laces and dinged soles. My glasses had adhered themselves to my face; I couldn't get them off.

"No," I whispered, and it came out choked. "No, I can't be!"

And that was weird as well, because it was my voice, but I was speaking in a British accent. I cleared my throat and tried again, this time actively trying to sound American, but the letters automatically softened. "No, I can't be. I can't be Wheatley!"

There was a shiny bit by the console and I directed myself toward it, my management rail responding to my every command like a dream. In the light from the monitors I examined myself, hair to shoes. I still looked like myself, mostly, which was a relief, but the body that looked like mine was now an android replica of my human self. My hair had streaks of blue, I was dressed in blue and gray, and…

Wow. I was Wheatley.

I let out a huffed laugh and the management rail took me backwards. I couldn't look at my reflection anymore.

"I'm Wheatley," I said, forcing the words to have an American accent. That sounded horrible! I let it slide.

But if I was Wheatley…

"Lauren," I whispered, and began to search over the monitors. Each displayed a person in cryogenic suspension, their heartbeat (all were flatlined) and some basic information.

How was I supposed to find her? There were ten thousand test subjects, according to the real Wheatley from the game I had somehow sucked myself into. I could scan by name, but would her name come up Lauren or Chell? And what if there were hundreds of girls in the system named Lauren?

" _You're the only one left."_

"Heartbeat," I muttered. "She's the only one left alive, only one with… a… heartbeat. Computer," I shouted out loud, "scan subjects for heartbeat."

 _Scanning._ The computer spoke into my mind, which was unnerving. _One subject found. Subject Redacted. Wake subject? Y/N_

"Yes, wake subject. I'm on my way." Spinning around, I took off toward the room.

The relaxation chambers were all stacked like they were in the game, one on top of another like the trailer houses in Ready, Player One. Dim, filtered sunlight shone down from up above and the darkness below made it impossible to gauge the distance to the ground.

The management rail was awkward and I found myself positioning my body like Peter Pan, legs stretched out behind, head forward, trying to achieve highest speeds. There was a helpful little map in my head that I could pull up in front of my vision and I followed it like a GPS toward my sister's room.

My brain was peppered with relentless questions I could not answer. How could that cheat plop me into Portal 2? Was this amazing or terrifying? Why was I Wheatley? Why was I an android and not a core? Was Lauren alright? Was she Chell or herself?

How were we going to get home?

I didn't know, I didn't know anything! It was annoying not having the answers, and I pushed the questions back as far into my mind as strength could allow. They could wait. They had to wait.

Lauren's relaxation chamber was before me and I halted by the door, legs dangling over the vast expanse below. Reaching out, I knocked on the door. "Hello?" I called in my British warped voice. "Lauren? Are you in there? Could you open the door?"

There was no response. Not even a hint of motion from inside the capsule.

"It's me, it's John," I said, doubt beginning to shadow my already cluttered mind. "I know I sound a little weird right now, but it really is me. Could you open the door? Please? I would, but I don't see a handle or anything, so…"

The door began to open and a burst of hope shot through me. Lauren was in there. She was alive.

The door opened fully and I was granted a glimpse of Lauren's frightened face, which changed to absolute terror as she spied me. She stumbled backward, crashing against the mini fridge, and landing sprawled on the ground.

"Oh, God, are you alright?" I asked, holding out a hand toward her. She inched away, eyes filled with panic, hissing in breaths through slightly open mouth.

"Lauren, hey, calm down. It's me." I put my hands on my chest and graced her with a grin. "I'm playing Wheatley, apparently. And that's why I have a British accent, I guess." I began to move forward into the room. Lauren skootched backward to avoid my dangling feet. "I know it's a lot to take in, but we have to stay calm, ok? Just…"

"Please prepare for emergency evacuation," blared the announcer. Lauren jumped.

"Stay calm," I repeated, making gentle gestures with my hands. Despite my soothing words, a notification had just popped into my mind. I had never personally received a notification before, but there was no other way to describe it.

 _Reactor Core malfunctioning. Leave immediately. If this message is not heeded, death or worse will ensue._

"Prepare," I quoted. "That's all they're saying. Prepare. Don't move, alright? I'm going to get us out of here."

Lauren gave a tight nod. I scanned the ceiling for the sliding panel that admitted Wheatley into the ceiling in the game. There it was. It opened automatically as I came near and the management rail began to retract. I was drawn up into the ceiling, pulling my legs up as the hatch closed again.

It was surprisingly comfortable up there. I could feel the presence of the machinery that controlled the chambers, soft and sleepy and just a bit irritable. It was so strong a presence I felt almost as if I could talk to it.

 _Hello?_ I said in my mind, and the Presence listened. _Could I get a claw over here, please? I need to move this room._

The claw came down, I could see in my mind, and began to shift the chamber jerkily upwards from its base.

 _Gently, gently_ , I thought desperately. The Presence seemed irritated by this and the whirring motor growled. _Ok, stop here_ , I requested. _Keep it there, take a rest. I'll be right back._

The Presence retracted and I opened the hatch and descended. Lauren was standing upright again, arms crossed, still looking frightened but looking slightly better than before.

Unlike me, Lauren looked no different. Her clothes had changed, so she was dressed in the orange Aperture Test Subject jumpsuit, unzipped down to the hips, white tank top for a shirt. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail and the rust red tips of her hair swung gently against the back of her neck. Long-Fall Boots, I was happy to see, were strapped to her feet. She would need those.

"Ok," I said, "I know you must have a lot of questions. I don't know much of what's going on, but let's start with what I do know. We've been submerged in the game Portal 2. We're both playing characters. You're playing Chell and I'm playing Wheatley. I've been put into an android body, so that's a little weird, but also helpful because Wheatley's sort of your guide in the game, and I can be your guide through this. I can interact with machinery and I have a map in my head that helps me out. I'm also talking with a British accent. Now, just to know if you're alright, can you say something?"

Lauren opened her mouth and seemed to be on the verge of speech, but then gripped her throat, looking startled. She bit her lip.

"Say apple," I urged.

Lauren puffed out air, obviously trying to speak, but eventually gave up, shaking her head.

Warning sirens began to blare and the notification in my head flashed again.

"Ok, you know, never mind," I said, patting her on the shoulder and going back up into the ceiling. "Doesn't matter. Don't worry. Let's get out of here. Ooh, just remembered, this might get a bit bumpy. I'll try to keep it steady, but you might want to get up on the bed… or something. Some place like that."

 _Machinery_ , I called internally. I felt it shifting, the Presence turning to focus on me. _Could you move the claw again? Up a little and over?_

It obeyed, but I could feel the room shaking, jittering. I could almost see pieces of the wall flaking apart, the tiny fridge falling to pieces and being thrown out of the new holes.

"Sorry!" I called down to Lauren.

 _Do it more gently_ , I commanded the Presence. The Presence seemed offended and the next lurch was harder than the last. _If you're going to be grumpy, give it to me_ , I told it. _Let me have control of the claw._

The Presence did not want to do this, I could tell, but it reluctantly shifted the responsibility to me and withdrew. I was now in control of the room.

In my defense, controlling a claw from a tiny black box in the top of a room suspended from said claw is a lot more difficult than it sounds. I tried to be careful, but the notification in my head kept blaring every five seconds, which was very distracting, and I began to feel the presence of the Reactor Core in the background of my mind. It was angry. It was fuming with compressed energy and I knew any moment it might blow.

This was incentive to go fast, but the faster I went the more whiplash I accumulated when turning corners. When I went slowly, the notification reminded me that I should be going quickly. It was incredibly annoying.

I called down to Lauren, trying to reassure her – and myself, while I was at it – that everything was under control, I was trying my best, and we were going to get out of here.

"I know Portal 2 like the back of my hand," I called down, accidentally smashing one of the relaxation chambers. "There's a place I know should have an escape pod. I'm pretty sure that the way to get out of this game is to escape Aperture. Normally we'd have to go through the whole game, but neither of us would like that, especially me being Wheatley and you being Chell. It wouldn't go well. So, I'll lead you to the escape pod and we'll escape together, back to our old life. That sound good? Can you even hear me, down there? I don't know about down there but it's very loud up here."

She probably could hear me. I was counting on it.

I managed to avoid the final stacks of pods and took it smoothly toward the wall. "I know this sounds bad," I called down to my sister, "but I'm going to need to smash through this wall. It's the fastest way to the testing tracks. Hold on!"

I drove the chamber solidly into the wall, which crumbled a little bit. "I'm going to try again," I informed Lauren, backing the chamber up again for greater momentum. "But remember, this is a Portal game, so you'll need to find a portal gun. It's up ahead… wait a moment, we're going for it again."

SMASH!

Still didn't work. Why did Aperture make its walls so hard?

"Like I said, find the portal gun," I continued. "It should be up ahead, and I'll direct you to it. Ok, seriously hang on this time."

I took a deep breath. I was designed to do that, apparently. I had inflatable lungs that I could suck air into. No inherent purpose for the lungs, as the air couldn't go anywhere except back out, but it was nice to do something familiar as I plunged a suspension chamber holding my sister and myself into a brick wall.

The following jolt was so great that even I felt it. My neck snapped forward as we ground to a halt and I spent the next few seconds heaving unnecessary breaths before lowering myself back through the ceiling.

Lauren stood shakily, the look on her face similar to that of a victim of a plane crash crawling out of the rubble and finding themselves alive. She didn't look grateful. Just stunned.

"Are you alright?" I asked, rubbing my hands together. "That was a bit more jerky than I anticipated." I laughed.

The stunned look left and Lauren began to shout soundlessly at me, waving her hands, her mouth flapping silently.

"Lauren, I can't understand you," I said, feeling really bad about her soundless state. "Oh, wait!" I patted myself down, delving into my pocket (so, this android had pockets) and pulling out a notebook and a pencil. It was a notebook that I always kept with me to jot down favorite lines from books and movies. Who knew why it had been transported with us, but now it might just become useful.

I flipped to an empty page and clicked open the pencil. I handed the notebook to Lauren. "State your thoughts," I suggested.

Lauren scribbled vehemently before handing the notebook back and crossing her arms. The page read: _What the_ (here there were several expletives to choose from) _did you think you were doing?_

"It was a lot harder than I thought," I defended myself. "Sorry for any injuries you may have sustained. Next question?"

This one came a bit slower.

 _What are we going to do?_

"We need to get to the main breaker room," I said. "I can go the back way, but you need to go through some of the testing chambers to get there. Once you get the portal gun, we'll join up, and we'll go to the breaker room together."

She grabbed my sleeve, her expression alarmed. She snatched the paper back and scribbled: _split up?_

"Only for a bit," I assured her. "Don't worry, nothing bad'll happen. We won't play the game it's supposed to be played, which would be…"

I stopped, feeling as if there were a lump in my throat, stifling my words. "Once we'd get to the main breaker room," I tried again, "I would…" But there it was again.

"I can't tell you," I said, surprised. "I literally can't say what's going to happen. It won't let the words out."

Lauren's brows creased and her writing was deliberate. _Does it matter?_

"No, not really," I answered, pushing back my glasses out of habit. "We're not going to be doing it anyway, so there's no problem. Just go through there," I pointed at the room to the side, beneath the glass, "and I'll catch up with you later. Alright?"

Lauren bit her lip.

"Hey," I said gently. "I know this is scary, but we'll get through it together. Ok? We'll be out of here soon. I promise."

I gave her a side hug, made awkward by the fact that I was dangling high above her (I must be about six foot seven! Ha-ha) and gave my most confident grin. She smiled back, shot me a thumbs-up, and climbed through the hole I had made.

"Good luck!" I called as she disappeared.

* * *

 **Hey, it's me: PastSelf. Just a disclaimer: I do not own Portal, Portal 2, Half Life, Headcrabs, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, or anything else John references in any chapter. John's a geek (like me) so there's going to be a lot of those.**

 **This is meant to be a 'fun' story without a whole lot of Portal research going into it, so I'll be updating when I choose to, not necessarily on a certain day.**

 **As always, favorite, follow, comment, and enjoy!**


	2. Chapter 2: Coldly Booted

**Chapter Two**

 **Coldly Booted**

The management rail in this area was overgrown and I had to stop occasionally to clear away green growth with my hands. Ivy climbed up the walls of the testing tracks and organic slime covered the rusted metal. Every so often the management rail would run me face-first into a spiderweb stretched across my path or entrap me in a jungle of vines.

I checked to see if my new android body came equipped with a blow torch or a machete.

It did not.

Figures.

It was strange seeing the game through Wheatley's eyes. (Eye? Optic?) The facility was familiar to this android body and my map allowed me to move about with ease, barring webs and gunk, but there was also an undercurrent of terror running through the place, as if I was tip-toeing across the back of a sleeping dragon. I could feel danger in this place.

I was already ready to leave.

I peeked into the newest test chamber, craning to see the number on the wall. Before I could, however, Lauren walked in front of my vision.

"Hey, over here!" I called.

Lauren started, then walked over to me with a smile.

"This is the test chamber with the portal gun," I said. "Or, it should have the portal gun. I don't see it, though. It should be on the podium over there."

Lauren pointed at the sparking connecter that held the portal gun in the first Portal game.

"Yep. That's the place. Just don't…"

My throat closed up again and I grappled angrily with my unresponsive throat for a second, trying to find words that would not be spoilers.

"It's over there somewhere," I grunted, waving my hand toward the podium. "I can't tell you where. It won't let me. Just… go over there. And I'm sorry," I added as she went toward the weakest ground.

I could hardly watch as the floor broke from underneath her. Lauren's hands flew up in the air, grasping desperately at nothing. The rumble of shifting earth was her only cry as she was swallowed.

"I'm sorry!" I shouted at the hole where she had once stood. "I tried to tell you about that but it wouldn't let me! I know you're alright, though, so just stay calm and find the portal gun. I'll meet you up ahead."

I could see the meme now: Stay calm and find the portal gun.

My stupid head.

"See you soon," I called and continued on my track, feeling guilty.

This part of the facility was, if possible, even more overgrown. I caught snatches of disused testing chambers from between broken panels. Some of them were chambers Chell would experience later in the game, and others were tests I had never seen before. Sometimes I found my very un-Wheatley brain mulling over the solution long after I had passed by. This made me feel better. I might be playing Wheatley but I was in many ways still myself.

Then again, playing the part of Wheatley was getting to me. I don't know if it was his influence in my mind or the fact that I now had a British accent, but I found myself chatting sociably with the oppressive darkness around. Continually.

"Not far now," I said to nobody. "Only a few more test chambers, then I'll wait for Lauren. She'll come with the portal gun, then I'll detach myself and we'll strike off on foot. Of course we'll have to go through… through _her_ chamber, but… oh, come on, just say it. GLaDOS." I made myself say the name, even though something in my android gut was twisting into a little ball with the mere thought. "Come on, it's not like she's Voldemort and her name is jinxed or anything. It's GLaDOS. And she's not going to even wake up. I won't let it happen. Not going to happen. Nope."

It was about that time I began to feel like I was being followed.

At first I put it down to being in a creepy abandoned facility. That sort of thing tends to play tricks on your mind. But the feeling grew. I stopped a few times and listened for footsteps, but all I could hear was the whirring of machinery. I still talked impulsively aloud, but I made sure that I said nothing dangerous.

The feeling persisted, even as I came to the Wheatley-Chell rendezvous. To take my mind off it, I fiddled with my management rail. What if I disengaged myself before Lauren got here? That would save time.

But no sooner had I thought it than a notification popped up, filling my vision with violent red text: **disengagement from the management rail will result in death.**

"No, it won't," I told it. "Go away. Stop bugging me."

 **Android Hell is a real place where you will be sent at the first sign of disobedience.**

"Fine, if you want to be like that," I growled, sending the notification away and crossing my arms. "I won't touch it until Lauren gets here. You happy?"

It evidently was, because it stopped blaring. Maybe it was a side effect of the notification, or maybe it was my imagination, but I thought I saw something move in the bushes to the side.

"Hello?" I called, the fans in my chest (yes, I had those too) kicking up a notch. "Is anybody there?"

Nobody answered.

Even so, I remained suspicious. I stayed quiet for a moment, scanning the room, but I still saw and heard nothing.

But what if…

"In chapter five, The Escape, Wheatley betrays Chell," I said, or tried to say. The sentence started out well, but petered out after I said 'The Escape', the lump returning to my throat.

My fans kicked up another notch. So I wasn't alone.

"I know you're there," I said out loud, spinning on my rail and trying to see all directions at once. "Come out, please."

"Alright," said a voice. "Since you said please."

I whirled around to face the voice, letting out a yelp that Wheatley would have been proud of. I hadn't actually expected anyone to answer. The voice's owner came forward.

The owner was a girl, or looked enough like a girl until you took into account her glowing yellow eyes and the golden veins running smoothly underneath her skin. We hung from the same management rail and she came slowly toward me, pushing aside clumps of ivy.

She wore a gray jumpsuit, a belt around her middle, the buckle polished to a golden sheen, round like a Viking's stomach plate. The jumpsuit had metal at the end of each short sleeve, encircling her upper arm like a bracelet, her ankles like chains. She was blond, her hair cropped short against her head, except on her right side where it was cut to pointed bangs. My sister would call that hair style a 'pixie cut'. You learn these things when you have a younger sister. Whatever it was called, it hung in front of her right eye and she pushed it back to observe me fully.

"You're Wheatley, aren't you?" the girl asked, coming to a full stop some six feet in front of me.

"Yes," I answered. "Well, sort of. My name is actually—"

"You have to wake her."

I blinked. "Sorry, what?"

The girl stared straight into my eyes as if she had laser vision. Her expression was agitated and she gulped. "Listen, Wheats, I…" She gulped again and grunted in frustration. "RRRGH. I can't tell you. It won't let me."

"Take it slow," I offered. "I'll listen."

She bit her lip. "GLaDOS," she said slowly. "You have to wake her up."

I was thunderstruck. "What?" I shouted. "No! I'm not waking her up!"

"You have to," the girl said wearily, brushing the hair from her face again. "It's the only way."

"I can't wake up GLaDOS," I told her. "She's a maniac! Do you know what'll happen if she wakes up again?"

"She'll test," said the girl.

"Exactly, and do you know who she'll test?"

"Ch—" She gulped and waved a hand. "Whoever's nearest."

"Right. And in that case, it'd be my sister. Lauren."

The girl looked surprised. "She's your sister?"

"I know, I know it's weird with me being an android and all."

"No, it's not that, it just…" she sighed. "It makes it so much harder."

"What're you saying?" I asked.

Her laser sight gaze came back. I couldn't help but notice how her yellow eyes gleamed, how her brows clenched over them, how much thought was held in each glance she gave. "You want to get out of here, don't you?" she asked. "Back to your old life?"

"Of course!"

"So do I," she said passionately. "So do we all, but it all starts with you waking up the monster."

"Wait, are you…" I halted, ideas blossoming. "You're not… from this game? Are you?"

She shook her head. "I came the same way you did. But before."

Why did she have to be so cryptic?

"So you know how to get me out?" I demanded. "Me and Lauren, you know how to get us out?"

She nodded slowly. "I think so, but you have to trust me. Start by waking up GLaDOS. I'll contact you afterword."

"How do I know I can trust you?" I asked as she turned to leave.

She turned back and there was pain in her eyes. "Because I've been through it before, Wheats."

I opened my mouth to ask another question, maybe ask what character she was supposed to be, but the girl waved a hand. "I'll find you later," she said. "I need to find the others first."

"Others?" I gasped. "What others?"

But it was too late. She was gone.

I had about half an hour to mull over the cryptic lady's words. She had asked me to trust her. Why? Because she had been through it before. What was 'it'? What did she mean by 'before'?

She wanted me to wake up GLaDOS, the very thing I did NOT want to do. A little gif played in my head of GLaDOS plucking Wheatley from the control socket, smashing him, tossing him away. I winced and bit my lip. That was me. If I woke GLaDOS up, that was going to be me getting smashed.

And what about Lauren? She didn't know this game at all. GLaDOS would take her and test her, putting her through all twenty test chambers before I could get her out again. What if she fell into acid? What if she was shot by a turret? What if…

There were too many dangers. I couldn't wake GLaDOS! It could kill my sister!

But what if it was the only way to escape?

 _Trust me,_ the strange girl had said, and – defying all logic – I almost wanted to. There had been a look in her eyes as she glanced at me through her curtain of tapered hair, a longing or a secret pain. What if… what if waking GLaDOS was the only way to escape? What if there was no escape pod?

What if the girl was right?

 _Wait_ , the more logical part of my mind commanded. _Think this through. You need a backup plan. She could be a minion of GLaDOS who just wants her mistress alive again. She could be using you._

My mind was right. I needed a backup plan. If I was going to wake GLaDOS – and I was starting to believe that I was – I would need another route of escape. I fast-forwarded through the entire game, trying to figure out where and when we could get out. Chapter one was out. Chapter two? Three? At the end of Chapter Four we would get away from GLaDOS' tests and strike off to take out the turrets and neurotoxin, if we went by the game, and by Chapter Five we would actually accomplish that feat. But by Chapter Six it would be too late.

Wait. I went back to Chapter Five. The core transfer at the end.

I snapped my fingers, stifling a laugh. That was it! Of course! I would go through the core transfer, as directed by the game, but instead of punching Lauren and the potato into Old Aperture I would send the elevator up and to freedom, disconnecting myself from the system! The Itch wouldn't be too bad by that point. I could do it.

It could actually work.

By the time Lauren appeared, I had the whole plan worked out and was able to wave at her cheerily enough as she came near. "Hey, you made it!"

She gave a rueful grin and waved her portal gun in my direction. It took all my willpower not to look in the operational end of the device.

"Pop a portal on the wall behind me," I invited. "Then I want to show you something."

She was much more obliging to me than I ever was to Wheatley. She did what I asked immediately, appearing behind me. I grinned. Portals were cool.

"Have a good trip?" I inquired, looking down at her. She shrugged and nodded, motioning for me to toss her the paper. I did, and she scribbled vehemently for a moment.

 _Those tests were easy!_ the paper declared.

"Glad you thought so," I laughed.

Lauren shrugged at me as if asking, 'what now?'

"Um, okay." I licked my lips, which was unnecessary because I had no saliva. "Here's the thing. There aren't any management rails where we need to go next, and you need me with you. So… I'm going to have to detach myself and come with you on foot. However, there's just a tiny problem." I made my voice sound wobbly and uncertain. Lauren looked appropriately concerned. "There's this notification that pops up whenever I even think about detaching, and the notification says that disengaging might kill me. I might die if I disengage myself."

Lauren looked suitably alarmed.

"But we're out of options here," I said slowly. "So stand out of the way. I don't want to crush you when I land. Go on. Stand over there." I motioned to the side.

Lauren shook her head and scribbled on the paper. She held it up and I could see the letters in all caps: _DON'T DO IT!_

"Don't worry," I told her reassuringly, keeping just enough tremulous unease in my voice to render the truth unsteady. "I'm sure I won't actually die. Probably just a… wow, that is high." Now the unease was real. "I'm really high up, aren't I?"

Lauren nodded and scribbled again. _It's not worth it._

"It will be if it works," I said, taking deep, dramatic breaths. "I'll go on three. No, I'll go on one. Three gives you too much time to think about it." Another breath. "One!"

I fell, making sure to flail a lot and make lots of noise. The notification blared several times in the center of my vision, flickering out as I landed with a crunch, face flat.

I stayed as still as possible, pretending to be dead. Lauren's Long-Fall Boots (I was really jealous of those right now) clomped toward me and Lauren tapped me on the shoulder. The taps became more frantic the longer I played lifeless. Her breath hissed.

"Not dead!" I yelled, and my sister fell over backwards. I tipped my head toward her. "Gotcha!" I laughed.

Lauren whacked me with her portal gun. That hurt.

"Ouch," I muttered, grabbing my arm. "Okay, alright, point taken. No more playing dead. Okay, getting up."

I tried. I really, honestly tried to get up, but the calibration for my android body must have been off. My legs kept turning and dumping me back on the ground. "Ah… Lauren," I called reluctantly after a few failed attempts. "Can you… can you help me with this?"

Lauren crossed her arms and looked at me snidely.

"Seriously, I can't get up. Look, I'm sorry about the joke. I regret it, I really do. Just… help me, please?"

She rolled her eyes and began to pull me to my feet.

 _C'mon stupid calibration_ , I goaded my system. _Work for me!_

Didn't work. I was dumped again.

Lauren started shaking, making it even more difficult for me to gain footing. It was only after I plopped down on the ground (again) that I got a good look at her face and saw that she was laughing. "Not funny, sis!" I whined. She only laughed harder, sniggering silently with her fist to her mouth. She shrugged as if to say, 'it kind of is'.

"Just help me up," I moaned. "I really would like to be upright right about now."

A few minutes later my wish was granted. I stood vertical, my arm around my sister's shoulder, successfully balancing. "Could that have taken any longer?" I wondered out loud.

A few minutes after that, I was walking unassisted. Who knew that being an android would be so difficult?

"Alright," I said. "So, before we move on, there's something I need to tell you. Remember how I said we wouldn't be playing this by the game?"

Lauren nodded.

I wrung my hands. "Well, for now we sort of – kind of – do."

Lauren cocked her head, silently commanding me to explain.

So I did. I told her about the mysterious pixie-cut android and how she had advised me to play by the game, at least for now. My throat closed up when I tried to talk about waking GLaDOS, but I did my best to explain that some unpleasantness would occur because of this choice. "But it's all part of the game," I told her. "It's supposed to happen. And no matter what it looks like, I won't be dead. I promise I'll find you again."

 _We're splitting up?_ Lauren wrote. _Again?_

"I know," I said, putting my hand on her shoulder, "and it'll look bad when it happens, but we'll both be fine. Do you trust me?"

Lauren nodded slowly.

I smiled and took the notebook back, plunging it into my pocket for safe keeping. "Good. Help plug me into this socket here."

The socket was horribly awkward, positioned about a foot from the ground, a plug in the middle that fit exactly into the management rail port in the middle of my back. Even with Lauren's help it was difficult to fit the parts together, but we finally wrestled it into me.

I could sense the panel and the controls needed to push it aside floated in front of my vision. Unfortunately, and this might just have been me being sensitive, I felt a sudden embarrassment, as if I was trying to use the bathroom in my sister's sights. It was a weird feeling and I tried to push it away, but it persisted. I felt my system kick up and I shrank.

"Could… could you look away?" I asked awkwardly. "It's a weird thing to ask, but I literally cannot do this while you're watching. It just feels wrong, somehow. So could you just turn around, please? Just for a second? I'll tell you when to turn back around."

Lauren gave me a strange look, but complied much more easily than I ever did in the game.

With her back turned I imputed the sequence code. "Alright. You can turn around, now," I said in relief, unplugging myself and standing upright.

The panel lurched out of place. "Bam, secret panel," I said, waving a hand. "Let's go through."

We traveled in silence through the few background rooms, until…

"Hello?"

"Oh," I said. "The oracle."

The turret was stuck in a pipe to the left of the catwalk, its red laser beam creating a flickering limbo staff across the path. I stopped to stare at it, my hands in my pockets.

"That's a turret," I said. "Most of them shoot bullets, but this one doesn't."

"Hello?"

"It's different," I said.

Lauren looked from me to it as if wondering whether to leave us two robots alone.

I shrugged and turned to follow her. "You'll see it later on. It says prophecies."

"I'm different," the turret piped up.

Lauren stopped and I looked at her. She was biting her lip. "We can't help it," I said. "Not now." She nodded. "C'mon," I said. "We're almost at GLaDOS' chamber."

The bridge to GLaDOS was decidedly askew and I felt uncomfortable stepping on the unsteady floor tiles, but we made it across unharmed. My fans began to whirr again as the door opened, a multitude of illogical presumptions running through my mind. What if GLaDOS wasn't dead? What if she was waiting for us on the other side? What if she would kill both of us?

The door opened and my fears were set at rest. "There she is," I whispered to Lauren.

My sister stepped over the doorframe and stooped to look at GLaDOS. Her expression was solemn, as if looking on the face of a dead human. GLaDOS was not, I was happy to see, an android. She looked exactly like she did in the game, which was a relief. Her parts were scattered through the overgrowth and her 'head' lay partially submerged in oily water. There was no sense of 'presence' or any spark of movement from her vast form. She was very much dead.

"You took her out, you know," I said. "With only a portal gun."

Lauren looked at me as if I was crazy. She shook her head and pointed at her chest. _Not me._

"According to this world, according to her," I nodded toward GLaDOS, "you did. But no matter what… anyone says…" (I was going to say 'no matter what GLaDOS says', but it wouldn't let me) "it was in self-defense. She was going to kill you and you were defending yourself. Just remember that, okay?"

Lauren didn't understand now, but she would. I began walking carefully around GLaDOS, avoiding her scattered parts. Even if she was dead, I didn't want to disturb her bones.

"Through here," I said, leading her past the remains of the Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator. "Down these stairs."

The stairs were broken off, leaving a grand distance below. "Jump," I invited, immediately countering, "Wait! I just thought of something!"

Lauren waited patiently.

"In the game you were carrying me – I mean Wheatley – in your portal gun beam," I said. "When Chell jumped, the beam kept him safe. But you're not carrying me, and I'm not wearing any Long-Fall Boots. I could smash from this height!"

Lauren observed me to see if I was joking.

"I'm not kidding," I promised her. "You need me down there, but I don't think your portal gun will save me from smashing. Any ideas?"

Lauren thought for a moment before motioning to me. She wrapped my arms around her neck and twisted, trying to lift me into a piggyback position.

"Wait," I said, wiggling free. "Are you sure about this?"

Lauren gave an eyebrow quirk and another impatient motion. Yes, she was sure about this. Come on.

"Um… alright," I said, uneasily settling my weight onto her back. "Just tell me before you…"

Maybe she was still mad at me for the management rail detachment death joke. Maybe that's why she jumped as soon as she did. Be that as it were, I cannot be held responsible for screaming in her ear the whole way down.

I must have been holding a bit too hard, because as soon as we landed (safely, I might add) Lauren pushed my knees down and loosened my arms from her neck, giving a little shake to prompt full detachment.

I stood, wobbling slightly. "Good plan, sis." I grinned shakily. "Worked well. Alright. This way." I led her out the door and across the catwalk. "Here's the main breaker room," I said proudly, waving my hand at the tiny, round room. "Let's go in."

Lauren shifted uncomfortably in the tight confines, made even tighter when the grate closed behind us. I glanced up at the endless layers of colored switches, spiraling up into the darkness above. "Okay." I took a deep breath. "This is where I was planning to get us out of here, but we'll have to go on-game. So, before any of the craziness starts, I want you to remember a few things. You listening?"

Lauren nodded attentively.

"Alright. Number one:" I held up a finger, "we're both going to be fine. Two: you killed her out of self defense. Three:" and here I smiled, "you're not fat."

Lauren looked at me as if I had suddenly gone crazy. She shook her head a little and mouthed, 'what?'

"Just remember, okay?" I requested. "Now, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on."

I knelt with my back to the socket and Lauren plugged me in. The breaker room responded to my thoughts. I could see every switch suddenly labeled, every option available. It was a little overwhelming.

"Alright." I searched for the light switch. There were so many switches labeled 'light'. I finally flicked one of them. "Now, let there be light!" I said as the brilliance flared. "That was God," I informed Lauren. "I was quoting God. And Wheatley. At the same time."

My sister rolled her eyes.

Unfortunately, several of the switches' wirings were connected to each other. When I flicked on 'light' it activated others. I could feel the little electrical currents pinging off one another, spreading in a network to places I never intended. The platform jerked, sending Lauren stumbling.

"Ah, turning," I noted. "It looks ominous, but it'll be fine until it starts moving up."

 **'Moving Up' switch activated.**

"Like this. Yep. Just like this." I narrated a steady commentary as the lift rose. To my credit, I did try to stop it by adjusting the speed, but who designs a speed switch which makes it go faster if you flip it down? Bad, very bad design.

As we rose higher into the shaft, every single switch was flipped upright. In my mind I could see the little levers activating, the messages being sent through the system, everything going online. It was frightening, even when I knew that it was bound to happen. It was even worse not trying to do anything, watching my sister's face go pale from fear and her hands desperately clench the portal gun.

Then we were at the top. "Don't worry," I told Lauren, my eyes locked on her face. "This is supposed to happen. Stay calm, okay? You listening to me? Stay calm."

Her jaw was clenched shut, her eyes darting to the sides. She wasn't looking at me. She was looking behind me where I could hear splashing and sizzling noises, the noise of a monster coming to life. I was still hooked to the system and I could feel the Presence waking up, deadly, powerful, and very angry.

As bad as it was knowing what was coming alive behind me, unable to turn around and look, it was ten times more maddening because I was positioned looking directly at the exit. The door we had come in was right before my sights, open and tantalizing. It took all my strength not to yank my neck out of its brace, grab my sister's hand, and make a break for it.

"Powerup complete," the announcer's voice intoned.

I snatched for Lauren's hand and for a moment our eyes connected. I tried for my most reassuring smile. "It's going to be alright," I whispered.

Then the Presence snapped alert, bright and focused on one single point: my sister.

"Hello!" I called, because I was uncomfortable with anybody's angry gaze focused so intently on Lauren.

"Oh." The voice was cold and chilling, sending ripples of power through our connected system with every syllable it uttered. "It's you."

Lauren flinched.

"Yeah," I said through clenched teeth. "She knows you."

"It's been a long time," continued GLaDOS and the shockwaves of her power continued to throb. "How have you been? I've been really busy being dead. You know. Since you murdered me."

"It's alright!" I yelped, because I really did have the impulsive need to say something – anything – in that silent gap.

I could see the claw descending, grasping Lauren around the waist, hauling her upwards. From my reclining position I could also see the claw coming down to take me. It clamped around my waist, dragging me up to join my sister. I felt a rush of confusion and pain as I was ripped from the system, all the complexity of the breaker room disconnecting from my mind, leaving me with only suspense and fear.

"It's going to be alright, don't worry, it's going to be fine," I shouted at Lauren, a discombobulated rush of words to reassure both her and myself. Our predicament would be over soon. It _was_ going to be alright in the end.

 _She's going to crush me she's going to crush me she's going to-_

The claw gave me a squeeze around the waist to shut me up and I felt a few of my inner workings crack. _Rerouting systems_ , a notification informed me. _Please find a management system for full repair_.

I felt the beam of GLaDOS' gaze fall on me, transfixing me as effectively as any claw. It was gone in a second. I was nothing to her. Just an android.

Just garbage.

"Okay, listen," she told Lauren. "We've both said a lot of thing's you're going to regret."

Here it comes.

"But I think we can put all our differences behind us."

The claw loosened just a bit, just enough to be labeled 'not uncomfortable'. Then my world was overwhelmed by pain. I let out a grunt, my head jerking backward, looking straight into Lauren's startled face, her mouth open with a silent scream. Then my vision went dark.

But for some reason, the echo effect of GLaDOS' last sentence lingered in my thoughts and I was able to complete the sentence even as I powered down.

For science.

You monster.


	3. Chapter 3: The Return

**Chapter Three**

 **The Return of the Pixie-Cut Android**

It's a strange feeling, being remade. The first thing that comes back is the mind, and that immediately panics because the mind is all there is. Then you experience tingling all over, phantom pains as you realize that you no longer have arms, legs, or a body but they're coming along. Somewhere along the line hearing comes back and you hear various little fizzes and clicks as the machine reassembles you, diving in and out, weaving your body back to the masterpiece it was.

I couldn't sit up, couldn't move until the machine had done its job, which made it a little dull. I kept waiting for it to repair a giant crack in the left lens of my glasses, but it never did.

Also, there was a giant bird staring down at me as if overseeing the work, which was a little unnerving. As soon as my voice was back I yelled at it, "I'm not dead yet. Come back later."

Still British, by the way.

The reassembly machine finished its work and hooked me onto a management rail, reaching out for the next thing. Still shaking a bit from my narrow escape, I slipped away, heading for the darkest recesses of the facility.

I could feel GLaDOS shifting, her presence moving through the facility like a snake through wheat. It was powerful and frightening, the methodic movement of panels responding to her presence, the world around bending to her wishes. Where there had once been a graveyard of sleeping mechanisms now machines blossomed into activity, shaping, building, forming tests for…

Lauren. I jumped as the memory came back, the thought of my sister trapped by that monster. Where was she? Where could I find her?

Where GLaDOS' presence was strongest, there her subject tested.

Spurred by this thought, I set off down my management rail at top speed. But still my mind would not stop spitting out questions. How long had I been out? What if too much time had passed? What if Lauren couldn't do the tests? What if she died?

I tried to stall these unhelpful doubts as the Presence became unbearably focused on a single chamber. Some of the moving panels shifted and I peered between them, hearing GLaDOS' voice intone her prerecorded lines. "—So now we'll both get to see how they work. There should be one in the corner."

There she was. Lauren, a dual portal device clenched in her hands, face pale and pinched with concentration. I could see her enter the room and glance around for the Deflection Cube. I waved my arms to make her look, but she didn't see. I leaned out a little further, determined to be seen.

Something grabbed my arms and pulled me back. The panels snapped shut and I struggled in the dark. "Stay still," whispered a voice.

"Who are you?" I hissed, wrenching myself free and backing up a bit on my management rail.

It was another android, male this time. It was dark, so every vein beneath his synthetic skin glowed with a rosy light. His eyes shone with a magenta sheen.

"You're the one," he said. "You're the Wheatley."

"What do you mean by 'The Wheatley'?" I asked, retaining my distance. "Who are you?"

"My name is Dan," he said, sticking out his hand for a handshake. "And you are?"

After some hesitation, I took it. "John," I said. "What was all that about, by the way? Grabbing me and pulling me back?"

"She can't see you," said Dan.

"What do you mean she can't see me? Of course she can!"

"Let me rephrase that. She shouldn't see you."

"Why not?" I demanded. "She's my sister. I need to get to her."

"Wait—" Dan whisper-shouted as I took the management rail from the room, going on to the next chamber. A floor panel raised and I saw Lauren looking around, raising her gun to shoot a portal. Before I could wave, Dan yanked me to the side again.

"Oi," I snarled, flailing. "You can't stop me from seeing her."

"You want GLaDOS to see you, too?" Dan asked, pointing savagely toward the chamber. "As Wheatley you can peek, and if she looks hard enough she can see you, but that's it. No talking, no drawing attention to yourself. You want to break the game?"

"Yes!" I exclaimed. "I absolutely want to break the game!"

"No, you really don't," said Dan, blocking me again as I tried to pass him. He was shorter than I, but a heftier build.

"Why not?" I said.

Dan paused. "I'm really not the best one to tell you."

"Somebody tell me, or else I'm going to do whatever I want," I warned, turning back to the panel.

I could hear Dan give an irritated huff. "Fine."

In a matter of seconds I was under attack. Some kind of fabric wrapped itself around my face, obscuring my vision. I let out a strangled squawk and tried to dart backwards on the management rail, but hands dragged me forward.

 _Brakes_ , I thought frantically. _Brakes!_

The brakes dug themselves into the rails, but the hands were too strong. Two sets of men's voices growled over my protestations and the hands dragged me along.

"There, we're safe for now," said Dan's voice.

"Detach him, then," commanded a new voice, deep and rasping. I could almost imagine the voice belonging to Indiana Jones.

"Keep your shirt on, I'm doing it. Jeez."

Fingers clawed at the back of my neck. In front of my darkened vision the message flashed: ' **Manual management rail detachment activated** ' and then I was falling. The arms caught me and I was hustled along in the darkness, guided and guarded by Dan and the other mysterious man.

I stumbled, sometimes, and tried to struggle, but my arms were pinned to my sides. Every so often I tried for a yell, but that was almost as unsuccessful my struggle attempts. I tried to activate my Aperture schematics to see where I was going, but for some reason it didn't come up. I was completely lost.

Finally I was dragged to a halt and dropped to my knees. "Take the bag off," I heard Dan say.

As soon as I could see, I shot backwards, blinking in the sudden blinding light. "Easy," said Not-Dan, putting his hands up. "We're not trying to hurt you."

"Could've fooled me," I growled, still keeping a safe distance.

My new kidnapper was another android, by the look of it. He was large of stature with a short, scruffy beard. A brown fedora was tamped down on his head, allowing a few untamed blond strands to escape. He wore an explorer's vest with a green shirt underneath, sleeves ripped to shreds at the top, displaying baseball-sized muscles. I was instantly jealous of those muscles, but didn't feel half so bad now about being unable to escape.

We were in an ivy-strung room behind one of the testing tracks. The floor was grimy with dirt and the walls rusted. It looked like a perfect place for Rattmann to take up residence, but there was no evidence that he had ever been here. That anyone had been here before.

"Why did you bring me here?" I demanded.

"I told them to," said a familiar voice.

I turned around so quickly I almost lost my balance. Hanging from the management rail above me was the cryptic pixie-cut android, moving slowly into the room with a whirr. She gave me a smile and detached, dropping gracefully to the dirty ground. "Hello, Wheats. We meet again."

"Alright, first, my name is not Wheats," I told her. "It's John. And second—"

Pixie-cut cocked her head. "I like Wheats better," she commented.

I gaped, at a loss for several seconds. "Who are you?" I gasped at last.

"Tell me, Wheats, have you ever played Portal 2 before?"

"Of course! Loads of times!"

"Then I'm surprised at you. Look around." She waved a hand. "Three cores, colored yellow, pink, and green. C'mon. You can figure it out."

My slow, stupid head! It was so obvious!

"Fact," I said, looking at Dan. Dan gave a slight inclined bow.

"Pink was not my idea," he said.

"Adventure," I said, looking at Muscles.

"Call me Rick," he said, giving a very Indiana Jones grin and crossing his arms.

I turned back to Pixie-cut. "And you…"

"Let me give you a hint," she said, leaning forward a little bit. "Planets. Stars. The big dipper. Ooh, the big dipper."

"But…" I stammered. "But you're a girl."

"Oh, well spotted," she quoted wryly.

"No, I mean… are there… I mean…"

"Confused about the gender swap?" she asked.

I nodded.

She shrugged. "I don't understand it very well myself. It hasn't happened before, to my knowledge."

"Before?" I asked.

Pixie-cut looked at me, biting her lip, mulling her next words very carefully. Her yellow eyes were bright and intelligent and I could see almost no part of the corrupted space core she was supposed to imitate.

"Rick," she said, turning to Muscles, "could you keep watch? We need to get Wheats back before Chapter Three starts. We're near the Core Peek chamber," she added to me as Rick nodded and ran from the room, "so as soon as Chell comes through you can appear to her."

"You're not keeping me here?" I asked.

"The game's doing that itself," she said.

This sounded like the beginning of an explanation, so I nodded encouragingly to her to continue.

"I don't know how we got here," she started slowly. "I have many different theories about how a video game could possibly have an alternate world we can visit. We," she motioned to Dan and Rick, "were taken, just like you were, through the cheat codes. Given a character to play. I brought you here because you're one of us, one of the taken, and you need to help us escape."

"Ok," I nodded. "Alright. So, how do we escape?"

Pixie-cut opened her mouth and made a strangled gasping sound, gulping. A sure sign of Spoileritis, which would be helpful in our world. Then I wouldn't have been told the whole entire story of Hunger Games before it was time. But that's another story.

"You… can't tell me?" I guessed.

She shook her head, rubbing her throat. "In order to escape," she said slowly, "you need to…" But there she stopped again.

"Do twenty questions," suggested Dan. "Go."

"Um, ok," I said. "Is it something only I can do?"

"Yes," said the girl.

"Alright. Do I have to get Lauren out of here?"

Pixie-cut tried to speak, failed, and growled with exasperation. "I hate not being able to say!" she wailed. She swiped her hair angrily to the side. "Ok, listen, Wheats. There is a way to escape to our normal lives, but it's going to take you to do it. That's why I had you wake up GLaDOS. That's why you need to—" She struggled. "Ok. Another tactic. Have you ever played the Stanley Parable?"

"Yes," I said.

"How does Stanley escape?"

I thought it through. That game had multiple endings and always started at the beginning again, but there was one way to get out, one way to step out into the sunshine, a free man. And that way was…

"You do exactly what the narrator says," I answered.

Pixie-cut nodded as if I had given the grand-prize answer. "Exactly," she exclaimed, jabbing a finger at me.

"So, you're saying," I said slowly, "that to escape I need to play the game exactly as it supposed to be played?"

Pixie-cut nodded again, clasping her hands together. "It's the only way," she said.

This answer flowed through my head, and I came alive to the realization to what this meant. The betrayal. The itch. If what she said was true, I would have to betray my sister, punch her down a pit, have the Itch, test her, have bombs thrown at me, be thrust into space. "No," I whispered. "No! I can't- I can't do this!"

"You have to," said Dan, "or else we're stuck here forever!"

"How do you know?" I snapped. "For all you know, we have to break the game to get out of here!"

"John," said Pixie-cut gently, the first time she had used my name, "we have broken the game."

"You… you have?"

"Why do you think we're still here?" Her eyes bore into mine. "Do you think this is the first time we've gone through? No. Every time we break the game, it glitches. When it glitches it starts over again at the beginning. New characters. New people from the outside."

"You've gone through this before?" I asked.

She nodded. "Dan's gone through twice before. Rick's gone three."

I looked at him. "You have?"

"I was Chell the first time I went through," said Pixie-cut. "There was only one person left from the outside, and she played the oracle turret. You know. The one from the redemption line?"

I nodded. "The 'Prometheus was punished by the gods' turret?"

"Yep. That's the one. She told me that the only way to escape was to… well, you know. And I didn't listen. I made Wheatley detach as soon as he summoned the lift to the surface. Then the game started glitching." She bit her lip, looking down at her feet. "It glitched and glitched and everything went dark. I was put In-Between until the game collected another person from the Outside. Wheats…" She looked at me and her expression tortured as if experiencing the most horrible of memories. "You don't know what it's like being In-Between. The game is ripping at you, reforming your mind. Not everything makes it out."

Dan was nodding slowly, eyes fixed on the ground. He knew what she was talking about.

"I don't even remember my own name," Pixie-cut added softly. "I did at first, but every time I go through In-Between you lose more of yourself. More memories, gone. That's what it does to you." Her voice faded away into a whisper.

"What about the others?" I asked. "There should be more people from… Outside. Shouldn't there?"

Dan looked up, and even his expression was pained. "Not everybody survives the In-Between process, Wheatley. During In-Between, you are given two choices. You can be reformed as another character, or…" He shook his head. "You can let go."

"And by 'let go', you mean…?"

Pixie-cut looked up with a sigh. "You die."

A shock went through me and a shiver raced up my spine. "People would choose that?"

"You haven't gone through In-Between. You don't know what it's like. That's why you have to do this." Pixie-cut looked at me, and none of her teasing manner remained. Her expression was bleak, woeful. "I can't take it anymore, Wheats. I've gone through this game five times already, being shredded to pieces by In-Between. If the game glitches again… I'm letting go."

"It can't be that bad!" I exclaimed, feeling horrified.

"It is." Pixie-cut didn't meet my eyes. "It's worse."

We stood in silence, each contemplating our separate thoughts. As horrible as it sounded to betray my sister, as terrible as it would be for her, wouldn't it be a hundred times worse to let her go through the In-Between?

"Lauren hasn't played the game before," I said. "She won't know what I'm trying to do, after the…" I couldn't say 'Core Transfer'.

Pixie-cut knew what I was trying to say. "I know. And that's harsh, because even if you don't feel like it, you'll have to act the part. I don't think that the game will let you explain to her. Even if it would, I don't think it's a good idea."

"Why not?"

"Think about the end of the game," she said. "You need her to be angry enough to try and hurt you. To care more about herself than about you."

"I need to be that mean?" I asked, horrified.

Dan nodded. "You want to get out of here, don't you?"

"Well, yes, but…"

"You might not have to pretend that hard," Pixie-cut admitted. "The system has a… strange quality. You know how it corrupts Wheatley? It'll try to corrupt you. The farther you go into this story, the more you become like the characters, and that goes for all of us. With any luck, you'll be acting mean without trying to."

"That's not making me feel any better about this," I snapped, ruffling my hair and walking around in a small circle. "What if I do something terrible? What if Lauren dies?"

Pixie-cut shrugged. "She probably already has."

I opened my mouth, maybe to scream, but Pixie-cut reached out toward me, eyes wide. "Sorry, sorry! I shouldn't have said it like that. She's fine," she said quickly, trying to pacify me before I strangled something. "She's Chell. If she dies, she regenerates, just like in the game. She'll be absolutely fine."

"Are you… are you sure?" I asked, still rattled.

"I've been Chell several times," Pixie-cut said wryly. "I should know."

So, Lauren would be fine. Even if she fell into a pit of acid, she'd be fine. That was good to know.

Rick came skidding back into the room on his management rail. He pushed up his fedora and gestured to Pixie-cut. "Just about time," he said. "Three test chambers to go."

"Good," Pixie-cut said, and turned toward me again. "What's your choice, Wheats?"

I opened my mouth. Closed it. Thought for a few more seconds. "I'll play the game it's supposed to be played," I said.

Pixie-cut visibly relaxed with relief. "Thank you," she whispered. She jerked her head towards the management rail. "Let's get going."

"You know," I said as I attached myself to the rail, "we need to figure out a name for you."

"I don't—"

"I know you can't remember," I interrupted. "So, we'll have to make one up."

"What do you suggest?" she asked, now dangling above my head.

"Well, if you were a boy I would go with Kevin. 'Cause, you know, Space Core… but with circumstances being what they are… how about just Kay?"

"Kay?" she asked, contemplating with her eyes rolled up toward the ceiling.

"Yep. Like the name 'Kay', but also 'K' for Kevin."

"What do you think?" she asked, turning to Rick and Dan.

Rick shrugged. "Sounds good to me." Dan nodded in agreement.

Pixie-cut swiveled around and stuck a hand out to me, grinning. "Hello, Wheats. My name is Kay."

"Nice to meet you, Kay," I said.

Her grin was cute. She wrinkled her nose as she smiled and her eyes held little golden gleams. Actually, a lot of her was cute. She was a pretty girl.

"Stop gawking and get a move on," suggested Rick, jerking his head.

I shook my head to clear it and followed the others out of the room, out to the mass assembly of test chambers. The four of us drifted in between them, making our way unobserved.

"So… Rick," I called up ahead, "is that your actual name, or are you just going by that because you're the adventure sphere?"

"It's my actual name," he said, not looking back.

"It's not," whispered Kay, turning slightly so Rick couldn't hear her. "I don't remember how he introduced himself the first time, but this is his third time through. He doesn't remember his actual name."

I felt a chill go through me. If I did this wrong, that could be me. I could be the one forgetting.

"What about you?" asked Rick, Kay's whisper gone unnoticed. "Are you actually British, or is that just Wheatley talking?"

"Nope, I'm American," I said. "I tried talking with my normal voice before, but whenever I do, it just sounds like I'm using an accent beyond her range of hearing."

Kay began to snort with laughter, but Rick and Dan looked at us blankly. "Beyond her range of hearing," Kay giggled.

"What?" asked Dan.

"Chapter five, or, actually, the end of chapter four," I said. Dan still looked blank.

"They haven't played as much as us," said Kay, still smiling from my little joke. "They don't get much outside of 'the cake is a lie'. Believe me, I've tried."

"If you haven't played it that much, why did you try and use cheats?" I asked the other two.

Dan, taking up the rear, shrugged. "I wanted to get through as quickly as possible."

"I wanted thirdperson," said Rick, grinning. "Chell is hot."

"So, that's got to be your… what? Second time through?"

Dan nodded noncommittally. "Something like that."

"It's sad," said Kay.

"Well, you've come to the right guy," I exclaimed. "I won't say I know everything there is to know about portal, but… yeah. I know a lot."

"Really?" Even though she was facing away, I could hear the challenge in her voice. "Who's your favorite character?"

"Chell," I answered without hesitation. I had once had a crush on Chell. But now she was my sister…

Ew.

"Have you played Portal Stories: Mel?"

"So great!"

"I know!" she squealed. "Have you made videos on Source Film Maker?"

"I tried. I wasn't very good."

"Me neither. I couldn't figure out how to get the maps to work."

"Did you try…"

"We're here, nerds," said Rick, sounding thoroughly exasperated with us. "Wheatley, or whatever your name is, get over here. This is where you peek through."

"I thought you haven't played it through very much," I commented, moving into position.

"I've lived it," he said. "I played Wheatley my first time through."

"He forced the lift to go up," said Kay. "I was playing Chell, and I tried to make him stop, but I couldn't talk. It was a very easy ending for the game."

"So, you stand here," ordered Rick, pushing me to the center of the hole, "and we'll go hide. Chell can't see any of us when she comes through."

"Ok, her name is Lauren," I called as he and Dan exited.

"Whatever," he called back.

Kay grinned and rolled her eyes. "See you in a bit, Wheats." Then she was gone.

* * *

 **A/N: Hey, it's me again. Just a disclaimer, I do not own the Portal games or The Stanley Parable. Those belong to Valve. I don't own Indiana Jones either. As always, I would love to hear your insights in the comments section. I'll post again soon (hopefully). Probably next week.**


	4. Chapter 4: Surprising GLaDOS

**Chapter Four**

 **Surprising GLaDOS**

After the others were safely hidden, I had some more time to contemplate. This was all so utterly bonkers I was surprised I hadn't pulled a Jovert already and fallen singing off my management rail into the depths of the facility. Since I wanted to avoid this, I tried to make sense of all the information that had just been stuffed into my head.

Number one: my sister and I had been zapped into my favorite videogame. She was Chell and I was Wheatley.

Number two: the only way to get out was to play the game it was supposed to be played, which involved betraying, testing, and eventually trying to kill said sister in above, hereafter referred to as 'Lauren'.

Number three: Kay was pretty.

Number four: I would be hooked up to a system that would do its best to corrupt my mind and change me into a diabolical maniac whose only goal is to make himself feel good.

 _Sigh_. Where had my life gone so wrong?

The sound of a door hissing open delayed my musings and I craned my neck to catch a glimpse of Lauren. The presence of GLaDOS had withdrawn, and for a moment I wondered if it was really Lauren down there.

And then I heard the sound of a launching Aerial Faith Plate.

Lauren shot up into the air, unfortunately looking the wrong way. "Lauren!" I called and she swiveled in midair, trying to see where my voice was coming from. "It's me! I'm okay!"

She fell again, only catching a glimpse of my position as she plummeted. She looked startled but hopeful. I waited for her to rise again.

The presence of GLaDOS arrived, almost overpowering me, and so close that I shivered. "Well, I'm back," she said smoothly. "The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal. You broke it, Didn't you?"

I clenched my teeth. The hatred in GLaDOS' voice was apparent, and my heart ached to think what she had been saying to my sister. Sure, it was all fun and games when it was in a videogame, but as soon as it was actually you she was talking about, well then, things became a lot more personal.

"There. Try it now."

Again that launching sound. Lauren's head appeared and I spoke as fast as I could, "I found some others who can help us. We're going to get you out of—"

Too late. Her ponytail floated in the sudden reversal in direction and she dropped again.

"Hmm. This plate must not be calibrated for somebody of your… generous…ness…" GLaDOS drawled. "I'll add a few zeroes to the maximum weight. You look great, by the way. Very healthy. Try it now."

"Just keep going," I encouraged as Lauren appeared once again. "Keep testing. We'll get you out."

"You seem to have defeated its load bearing capacity," said GLaDOS as Lauren landed below. "Well done. I'll just lower the ceiling."

My peek-slot was closed and the darkness became complete. I sighed and the sound echoed off the inside of the metal.

"Well, that's done," said Dan as if he was checking an item off a list. Kay joggled his elbow with a frown as she passed him.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I'm fine," I said, squaring my shoulders and turning to her with what I deemed to be a determined expression. "What do I do now?"

"What is your plan?" she prompted.

I rolled my eyes upward in thought. "Take out the turret production line," I said, "take out the neurotoxin, and then we'll be ready for the c—"

Nope. Wouldn't let me speak.

"—Running the whole machine," I spouted after flailing for a minute.

Kay's smile broadened and her eyebrows lifted incredulously. "You've seen 'Portal 2 the Unauthorized Musical'?" she asked.

"You have, too?"

"Only about a million times!"

"Me too!"

"Would one of you weirdos please explain what you're blabbering about?" demanded Dan.

"Portal 2 the Unauthorized Musical is a play put on by the Geekenders," explained Kay, swiveling toward him. She looked very pleased to hear that I knew about the musical. She probably didn't have enough Portal geeks in her life. "They take songs from other musicals or movies, like 'Friends on the Other Side' from Princess and the Frog and they change it to fit into Portal: 'Running the Whole Machine'. You can find it on Youtube, if you want."

"Yeah, I'm never, ever watching that," said Rick, shaking his head. "Sounds dumb."

"It is a little cheesy," Kay admitted, "but it's awesome! Ooh, Wheats!" She turned back to me. "What's your favorite version?"

"There are two versions?" groaned Rick.

"Yup," I answered. "One made in 2015, the other in 2017. And the one in 2017 is by far the best."

"Aw… but what about the 2015 Wheatley?" asked Kay, making a pouty face.

"Granted, he is good, but…"

"Oh, please," Dan interrupted loudly, "just get on with the plan!"

"Alright, alright!" Kay glared at him and turned serious again. It was too bad. I liked seeing her smile. "So, take out the turrets, destroy the neurotoxin. Sounds good, but first you need to get your sister out. How are you going to do that?"

"Well, I'll just hack the panels in the right place, and—"

"How?" Kay interrupted.

I blinked. "Excuse me?"

"How are you going to get the panels hacked?"

"Um…" I thought it through. It was easy enough to hack the secret panel back there in The Courtesy Call, but then the numbers had popped into my head. I already knew the password, somehow.

"If you don't have the proper code, you can't get in," Kay reminded me.

"Alright, so how do I get the proper code?" I asked.

"The nanobots have all the access codes to all chambers," said Dan. "They're sent in for maintenance."

"I'll get myself registered as a nanobot!" I exclaimed, enthusiastic about this plan. "Let's go right now!"

"Hold on, cowboy." Rick grabbed my arm before I could rush off. "It's not time yet."

"What do you mean?"

"Wheatley," said Dan gently, "you don't look anything like a nanobot."

"Wheatley got hired in the game," I argued.

"But then he probably got himself fired when they realized that he wasn't one of them," he explained. "You need to get hired and stay hired for as long as it takes to get the codes. The longer you wait, the greater chance there will be."

"Plus," added Rick, "there's one more peek opportunity up ahead a bit. I mean, you don't have to – it won't glitch out the game too much if you miss it – but…"

I didn't want to miss an opportunity to see my sister again. "Okay," I said. "Let's go there, first."

"I'll lead," offered Rick. "But just so I don't have to listen to you Portal nerds."

"Hater," I called after him. He didn't respond.

* * *

We watched Lauren discreetly as she made her way through the test chambers. She did very well, overall. I knew she would be great at puzzle-solving games! I could have solved them faster, of course, because I had played before, but for a first time player she did admirably.

When we got to the next 'peek' area, the others hid and I waited for GLaDOS to arrive. She did, but all her focus was concentrated on Lauren. She didn't notice me lobbing bird eggs from a nearby nest into the door mechanism. GLaDOS went away to fix it and I tapped on the glass separating me from my sister.

"Hey, Lauren, up here," I called. A smile as bright as daylight flashed across her face as I waved down at her. She waved her portal gun back. She was still smiling. That was a very good sign.

"I found some bird eggs up here and dropped them into the door mechanism," I told her. "Shut it right down. Now listen, I—What the!?"

The bird, bent on revenge, made its return and divebombed my face. I was expecting it, but the sudden attack was still startling. It circled my head like a mini vulture, whacking me with its wings, raking at me with its claws. Its beak was sharp, and it used it to its advantage.

I didn't exactly do the thing that Wheatley did in the game, which was scream, "Bird! Bird! Bird!" but I do admit that I flailed a lot and yelled incoherently. As I ducked to the side, the bird abruptly gave up the fight and went to find another core to terrorize.

I picked feathers out of my synthetic hair as I went back to Lauren, who was unabashedly giggling. "That's the bird that laid the eggs," I said wisely.

 _Well, duh,_ Lauren mouthed at me, still looking amused.

"Alright, back to business. I've found some friends who're going to help me get you out. It might take some time, though. I'm not exactly sure how long – I haven't memorized the game, after all – but I'll see you soon enough, okay?"

I could feel GLaDOS coming closer. She was rather like the eye of Sauron, in a way. Sure, she had her minions, but she could only truly focus on one thing at a time. And her system was like the Ring! Once you had it, it gave you the power, but the more you used it the more it corrupted you…

You became more like Sauron…

Like her…

Oh, wow. I might need to write a Portal/Lord of the Rings Crossover when I got back home!

"She's coming back," I said, drawing back into the shadows. "I'll see you later. You never saw me. Okay? Never saw me."

GLaDOS started to speak just after I got out of range. Rick grabbed my arm. His grip was almost painful. "That was too close," he whispered warningly.

"I know, I know it was close," I hissed back, prying his hand off my arm. "It won't happen again, okay?"

"It better not," he said warningly.

"Calm down, Rick," commanded Kay. "Dan, where to now?"

"Nanobot headquarters," said Dan, jerking his head and turning on his rail. "Follow me."

"I was Jerry the head nanobot my first time through," Dan informed me. "Kay was Chell and Rick was Rattmann."

"Rattmann's in the game?" I asked excitedly, peering around as if I could catch him skulking.

"Occasionally. Probably not this time around, and if it is, he has the sense to stay hidden. Rick broke the game by revealing himself."

"I found him inside one of his dens," said Kay. "He started talking to me, but then GLaDOS found us, and… well… that's not supposed to happen."

"Being Rattmann was the worst," sighed Rick, pushing up his fedora, which – due to the management rail's position – nearly grazed the ceiling. "He has a sort of mental disorder thing, so everything was all tinged and hazy and I couldn't really figure out what I was doing or where I was going or… who I was, really."

"But… I've used the 'noclip' cheat to go through all the maps in the game," I said, thinking it through. "I haven't found Rattmann anywhere. How does that work?"

"Well," Kay rubbed the back of her neck, "we're not specifically in the game, per se. If we were just in Portal 2, just perusing through the maps, things would be… different. We'd have to go through a lot more white areas where the maps never connect. This is more the world of Portal 2. I'm not sure how it works, or how we got to it, exactly, but…"

"The multiverse." Dan stopped rolling along and we all nearly crashed into him like the seven dwarfs. "The multiverse is an infinite collection of universes, each with an infinite number of Apertures." He clutched his head, eyes pressed shut. "Ow," he said weakly.

"What?" I asked. "What was that?"

"Corruption at thirty-one percent," Dan said softly, but then, recovering himself, motioned us forward. "Let's keep going."

"Wait, wait," I bypassed Rick on an adjacent management rail and grabbed Dan by the shoulder. "I want to know what just happened."

Dan tried to shrug me off.

"Let him know, Dan," said Kay. "He deserves to know."

Dan stayed stubbornly silent.

"Fine," snorted Rick. "I'll tell him, then."

I turned on my rail so I was facing them all. Dan's expression was firmly rooted in denial. Kay was looking down, her arms crossed over her chest. Rick was the only one who met my eyes.

"Listen," said Rick. "Remember when we told you that the farther you go into the game, the more like the character you become?"

"Kinda hard to forget."

"Well, with the corrupted cores…" Rick looked from one downturned face to the next and shrugged. "There's a reason."

"We contract corruption halfway through the game," said Dan, snapping from his contemplation.

Rick nodded solemnly. "The farther on we go, the worse it gets. By the end, we are one hundred percent corrupted."

"Which means…?" I prompted, not really wanting to hear the answer.

Rick nodded to Dan, Kay, and himself in turn. "Fact. Space. Adventure," he said. He let out a sigh. "No way around it. We need to be corrupt for the end to take place."

"I was the space core the last time around," said Dan. "I know from experience that the transition isn't pleasant. And I never even got to a hundred percent," he added. "Just forty-five."

"That's horrible," I exclaimed.

Nobody tried to dissuade me. Dan turned back to his trail and we followed him silently for a few minutes.

"So, what I was going to say," he continued, "was that if there is such a thing as a multiverse for Aperture, the cheat code we used must have been able to transport us into the multiverse. Or, specifically, a universe with an Aperture that is designed for us as characters."

"How does that even work?" I wondered.

"Who knows?" Dan shrugged. "Maybe we live in our own multiverse with an infinite number of earths and the universe we live in just happens to have a cheat code that is linked with this universe of Aperture. Stranger things have happened."

"We built the multiverse," murmured Kay from behind me.

"What?" asked Rick.

"Sorry, I was just thinking. Have you seen the number of Portal fanfiction on the internet? It's… enormous. So, what if each fanfiction, be it set in Portal's past, its future, or an alternate universe with very loose skews on the characters… it's all part of Aperture's multiverse, isn't it?"

I put my fist to my mouth in thought. "Each one of those stories is…"

"A different universe!" exclaimed Kay, and although my back was turned I could hear the intensity in her voice, the awed spark in her eyes. "A new timeline for the same story, seen through the eyes of a different author."

"So, the game is Aperture prime," added Dan, becoming excited as well.

"And every new story is a new universe," I finished.

"Just think of it." Kay's voice was reverent. "Every time an author writes fanfiction for Portal, every time they make a story with Chell or Wheatley or any of the characters, every time there is even a slight deviation from the actual story…"

"They add to the multiverse," I whispered.

"You are breaking my mind," laughed Dan, clutching his head.

It was like we had accomplished a breakthrough. The corruption forgotten, we all stared wide-eyed at each other, no doubt remembering our favorite Portal fanfiction stories, linking them together with the land we were in now. Forget the fact that this information was completely irrelevant. Just having a clue as to why we were here was relieving. A major accomplishment in a minor way.

While we were hanging there, lost in thoughts, there suddenly appeared a swarm of small black… things. They were as small as midges, and seemingly came from the walls. I swatted at the swarm, but Rick shouted at me, "Don't hit them! They're the nanobots!"

"These are the nanobots?" I asked, trying to catch one. I got a quick view of a black speck, no discernable features, and then it was gone. They all were.

"We're getting close," said Dan, and he started up again.

"What was it like being Jerry?" I asked, speeding up to stay close.

"I was dealing with the whole 'I'm in Portal 2' thing at the time, so I spent most of the time being confused," related Dan. "But, you know, it was okay. Nanobots are really small and a bit dim, but they can go anywhere they want, pretty much. I did a lot of maintenance, flew around, spied on Chell and Rattmann… yeah. It was cool."

"You really think he'll hire me?" I asked dubiously.

"He's a game character, programmed to hire you at the right time. Of course he will."

The number of nanobot swarms grew progressively longer until we were standing in a circular hive so thick with nanobots I could feel them pinging off my skin. Kay looked incredibly uncomfortable with this and told us that she would wait outside.

"Betcha she's the kind of girl who doesn't like bugs," said Rick.

"Meh, don't blame her," I said, glad of my protective lenses. "This group of nanobots is rather overwhelming!"

"Don't be a baby," said Dan. "Here, go to audio settings and set your left ear default to fifty thousand hertz."

"Why?" I asked.

"Nanobots speak at a different frequency than us," Dan explained impatiently. "The human ear can only hear from twenty to twenty thousand hertz. If we don't change the default settings, we can't hear them."

"Why should I change the left ear?"

"Because if you change both ears, you can't hear me. Now stop talking and change the settings already."

I did as I was told, and suddenly the air was filled with voices, all intelligible, lost in the humming masses.

"Jerry's over there," I could hear Dan say out of my right ear. He pointed into the thickest knot of nanobots. "Let's go." Practically wading through the assembly, he made his way over. I followed him, trying to ignore the pinpricks of nanobots.

"You must be Jerry," Dan said into the nanobot cluster.

" _He is_ ," I could hear tiny, soft voices say. " _He is, he is, he is_."

"That is me," said another voice, separate from the others. "I am the Jerry. What is it you want? I take orders. I take orders and I give orders. She gives me commands and I fulfill them. Fix the facility, bring it back. Yes. That is what I do."

"I have another worker for you," said Dan, grabbing me and bringing me forward. "This is Wheatley, a new nanobot. The Mistress wishes for you to take him under your command."

" _New nanobot?_ " the swarm sang excitedly. " _New nanobot? New nanobot?_ "

"He will work for me," said the voice of Jerry, sounding pleased. "He will work for me well and succeed, or he will work poorly and fail. Yes, new nanobot. Yes, you will work for me. The Lady's will be done."

"Good luck," whispered Dan, and Rick gave me a thumbs-up. They quietly exited the room.

"New nanobot Wheatley," said Jerry's voice, "tune your internal radio to frequency 110.7. You will do maintenance with the other nanobots. Prepare to receive the codes."

And that's how I became a nanobot.

Granted, Jerry must be incredibly dim for assuming that I could be in any stretch of imagination a nanobot, but there's something to be said for leadership. He controlled them all with a steady stream of commands over his built-in radio, which must have been truly miniscule, sending us all out to do what GLaDOS wished.

I didn't really know how to do any type of maintenance apart from minor computer repair work, so I mostly pretended to be busy fiddling around with stuff as the true nanobots did the real work. I turned my left ear back to default settings because their tiny, tinny voices really started to grate after a while.

On the plus side, I got the codes to the rooms! The codes themselves were lines of numbers to input into the different mechanisms of the chambers. There were separate codes for each panel, each light bridge. Each and every apparatus had its own unique code. It was complicated, but I loved it.

Finally I caught a glimpse of Lauren getting into an elevator and followed her down, breaking away from the rest of my 'team'.

"Hey, sis!" I greeted her. "How're you doing?"

She waved her hand in a 'so-so' gesture.

I winced. "Sorry. I managed to get on a nanobot work team. Their brains are really tiny, because they haven't figured out that I'm the size of a planet—"

"Nanobot Wheatley," Jerry's voice came shrilly through my radio. "What are you doing?"

"I'm taking a break," I said, holding up a 'please wait' finger toward Lauren. "I need a break."

I wasn't paying attention and a metal beam clunked me on the knees as I descended. It broke loose under my weight. "Ow!" I yelped, glaring balefully as it spiraled into the distance.

"Nanobot Wheatley is breaking the worksite," Jerry chattered. "Bad, bad job. I should let you be fired."

"What? You can't fire me for that!" I felt outraged. "Maybe you should be the one fired! You're the one who hasn't accommodated for a nanobot of my size! Thanks for the hate crime, Jer! See you in court, mate!"

It was a brilliant Wheatley line. I didn't want to waste it.

I had done my best to slow down the lift carrying my sister, but even so she was still disappearing. I waved aside my radio and called down to her just as her head passed from view, "Hang on for five more chambers, alright? I'll get you out then!"

And she was gone.

I thought I was going to get into trouble with Jerry. Yes, I had annoyed him, and yes, then I had yelled at him. Maybe I even deserved to be fired. But either Jerry was very forgiving or needed a lot of help, because as soon as I switched the radio back on he called, "All nanobots to test chamber twenty. Building and maintenance. Codes distributing. Walls and ceiling. Panels and floor. Toxic water. Cube chute. Hard light bridge and lights. Codes distributing now."

Do you know what it feels like to receive an email in your brain? No? Well, I don't know any other way to describe the feeling. Suffice to say it was not unpleasant, but it tickled a bit.

The 'email' said I was on lights and hard light bridge duty and gave me the codes to activate them. My fans began to whirr in anticipation. This was it. This was where I got Chell – I mean Lauren – out!

* * *

 **A/N: Sorry that these chapters aren't very interesting. The next one's going to be better, I promise. Also, sorry for the huge Portal Musical Add in the middle of the chapter. I just love the unauthorized musical and want everyone else to see it. Watch 'em both! They're great for the whole family (but not for people who haven't played and/or don't know the game). Slight language issue (Cave Johnson, after all) but clean for the most part. Okay, I'm done.**

 **Stay tuned for the next chapter.**


	5. Chapter 5: The Escape Plan

**Chapter Five**

 **The Escape Plan**

"I have a surprise for you after this next test," GLaDOS said smoothly. "Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff."

I gritted my teeth. GLaDOS was really starting to get to me. Maybe it was part of the whole 'becoming Wheatley' thing Kay had told me about, but she was beginning to genuinely rattle me. Whenever her presence slithered into the chamber, bringing with it a boatload of malice and hatred, I could feel myself shrinking, becoming smaller in response to her hugeness.

I hated it.

I hated, hated, _hated_ feeling so small, so insignificant. I had played the game before! I knew what was going to happen? What did she know? Nothing.

Zero…

 _Stop it,_ I told myself, giving my brain a mental slap in the face. _Thinking this way will only pull you down faster. Just stick to the plan and you'll be fine._

I peered between the panels. The other nanobots had left, scattering to the wind, and I had given Jerry a spontaneous permanent leave of absence, staying right where I was. GLaDOS might scare me and I might loathe her, but she couldn't stop me from plucking Lauren right out of her grasp.

 _She would never see it coming_ , I thought smugly.

Lauren was nearly invisible from my position. I couldn't hack the cameras without GLaDOS realizing, and this entire operation was built on the element of surprise. The slender crack between the panels was my only option, and I took it. I could hear portals being shot and Lauren's Long-Fall Boots clumping closer. The sizzle of the light bridge hitting the panel I hid behind. The sound of a button being pressed and the clunk of a cube falling onto the light bridge. This was it.

I activated the code, deactivating the entire room.

"What's going on? Who turned out the lights?"

GLaDOS was genuinely puzzled, but that didn't make her any less dangerous. I could feel her turn toward me as I opened the panels. Her gaze was languid, impatient, and rather bored. She wanted to get back to killing – excuse me; testing – my sister. She didn't want anything to do with me. This fueled my irritation toward her. Who was she, thinking she was the main character in this videogame? Didn't she know she was the bad guy? And not just the only bad guy. If it was between her and me, Wheatley made the better villain.

But I digress. Suffice to say I was suitably terrified and enraged and I wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. I turned to Lauren, stretching a large, false grin across my face. I tried for an American accent, which was horribly warped by my vocal synthesizers.

"Heyyy buddy!" I drawled as if reading off a cue card. "I'm speeeking with an ackscent that's beyond herr range of hearring. I know Ih'm earrly, but we have to go rhight now."

Lauren looked relieved and came over as quickly as possible. I grinned, genuinely this time, but winced as GLaDOS spoke. She was still languorous, but her presence held a stab of suspicion. She knew I wasn't here for a quick chat.

"Look, metal ball," she said disdainfully, "I can hear you."

I grabbed Lauren's hand. "Run. I don't need to do the voice. Run!"

I activated the wall, opening it up fully and turning on the light bridge, practically dragging Lauren out of there. Even if she couldn't feel it, I could: GLaDOS was livid. Nobody had dared oppose her before, no product of Aperture would ever dare. I had crossed the line. I had crossed several lines and gotten farther than she ever suspected I would because I had done things Aperture products simply did not do. In her mind, I had betrayed her. I had betrayed her and I had betrayed Aperture.

But even that was a small matter in the large vastness of her mind. Her test subject was escaping. Even more than the surprise and anger I could sense fear. The memory of her death no doubt lanced through her mind and a million plans and counter-plans racing to be plotted, ways to kill the test subject before she went beyond her reach. Before she killed her again.

How did I feel this? GLaDOS and I were – in a way – connected. We were both Aperture technology, plugged into the facility like rooms are connected to a house. And she was the master of it all, her mind probing through all the facility and all the products thereof. Fortunately, I had a mind of my own, a mind she could not control, but we could sense each other. Well, I could sense her. Her presence was so vast, so powerful it was difficult not to experience her might. I was such an insignificant little blip in a labyrinth of a facility she probably couldn't sense me even if she tried. That was a good thing, by the way.

I closed the chamber and motioned violently to Lauren, letting go of her hand and racing ahead, speaking rapidly. "Quick recap, we're escaping right now. Yay! Escape! Told you we could do it! Um… so, what we're going to do is take out her turret production line, destroy the neurotoxin generator, and then confront her. But again, for the moment, run!"

Lauren nodded and sprinted after me. I felt a prickle of pride. She trusted me. That was my little sister down there, and she solved all those tests all by herself and now we were working together to break out of here.

And then a stab of pain. I was going to betray her. I… I was going to…

"The irony is you were almost at the last test. Here it is. Why don't you just do it? Trust me. It's an easier way out than whatever asinine plan your friend came up with."

"Just the fact that I know what the word 'asinine' means proves that I am not asinine," I yelled at GLaDOS, feeling an icy pleasure at my small rebellion. "Keep coming this way," I instructed Lauren. She obediently jumped onto a light bridge and followed me to the right. The light bridge went out when she was over a chasm, but she landed on a catwalk down below. I went as fast as the management rail could take me, circling around to where the catwalk let out.

"Through there," I told Lauren, pointing out a large, relatively open flat space. She darted through, but then the walls flipped up and I couldn't see her anymore.

"Hold on," I yelled. "Keep making your way over this way!"

"Deploying," chirped a turret from Lauren's location, and then there was a spurt of gunfire.

"Are you alright?" I called, my mind racing with possibilities. I glanced around for a way to help. "There's a… a portal surface over here, if that helps. I can't get in to help you, so you'll have to—"

An orange spurt of light shot from one of the cracks between the half-built panels and Lauren leaped through, gasping. "Are you okay?" I asked, surveying her for blood. "Are you hurt?"

She shook her head, her teeth clenched.

"Okay. No time to stop, we have to keep going. This way!" I motioned her to follow me and she ran up the stairs. The side of a nearby test chamber opened up. "Turrets!" I yelled, which was a little bit of an overstatement because there was only one turret. Lauren looked surprised and grappled with her portal gun as if wondering if she could make it if she ran.

She couldn't. The turret called out something I couldn't hear – possibly 'there you are' – and opened fire.

Not being a metal ball had some disadvantages. One was that I had to pull my feet up and over obstacles in the way. I drooped far lower than normal, my feet almost level with the catwalk. Where this would normally be a hindrance, it saved my sister's skin. I was able to block her as she ran, the bullets pinging off my (thank goodness bulletproof) body. It stung like being pelted with gravel being flung by a weed whacker (I know what I'm talking about when I say this), but other than the small pinpricks of pain, I was unharmed. And so was Lauren, which was the goal.

Lauren turned to me as she ran, mouthing 'thank you', but I pressed her onward, my hands on her shoulders. "Keep going, keep going," I whispered as we went through a tunnel.

We came out the other side and I pointed toward the lift at the far side of the open room. "That's the exit!" I cried. "We're almost out of here!"

GLaDOS' anger flared so brightly it almost overwhelmed me. The test chambers began to move inward, destroying the catwalks, eating up the management rail behind me. "Run!" I yelled, finally panicking. "Run!"

Lauren sprinted forward, her eyes filled with fear. The room's beams began to push in on the catwalk, breaking off sections. The screech of metal filled the air.

"She's bringing the whole place down," I whispered, and my voice was lost in the chaos. "She's destroying the place trying to get her."

The lights on the outsides of the test chambers were scraped off, exploding, falling like blue stars from their places. Metal bent and twisted unnaturally. Lauren squeezed by a pillar that was pressing into the catwalk. She was so close!

She made it, skidding into the lift and slamming into the opposite wall. I caught onto the management rail on the side just before my own collapsed and the test chambers blocked our view. Lauren slumped against the side of the lift, shaking with adrenaline.

"Great job, sis," I whispered, still weak with relief. "See you on the other side, okay?"

She made an 'okay' sign, her eyes fluttering closed, sucking in deep breaths of air. The walls came up around the lift and I couldn't see her anymore.

I closed my eyes, letting my hand skim the side of the wall as the rail carried me upward. I was still shaking from the fear of almost being crushed. But we had made it. We had both made it through! I stifled a triumphant whoop, punching a fist into the air. By the time I reached the top of the shaft, I was completely composed. Exultant, but composed.

I rejoined with Lauren on the other side of the wall. "You were absolutely brilliant," I told her, laughing. She bobbed a curtsey. "Alright, come on. Follow me." I motioned to her, gesturing down the stretch of catwalk before us. "Don't worry. From now on this is the underbelly of Aperture. She can't touch us down here."

And the lights began to flick off.

"Oh, yeah," I said, chagrined. "Except for that. Stand still. Don't move."

Lauren's startled face flashed once more before it became pitch black.

And when I say 'pitch black', I don't mean what people usually call 'pitch black'. I'm talking about actual darkest of the dark where you can't see anything around you. All your surroundings are swallowed up into the thickest mass of blackness you have ever had the displeasure to encounter.

Yup. It was dark.

And, what's worse, it also became completely quiet. GLaDOS must have cut off the power in the area because the management rail stopped humming, the generator's background drone cut out, and any electronic noise that we once might have heard cut out in a matter of seconds. All I could hear was the whirr of my own internal mechanisms. And Lauren. I could hear her start to hyperventilate.

"It's okay," I said out loud into the darkness and silence. "Lauren, you hear me? It's okay. This is supposed to happen. It happens in the game. I know how to fix it."

You might think that only little kids get scared of the dark. No. That sentence is false. Anybody who says that has not known true darkness. I'll tell you the truth. I'm not scared to admit it: this dark, this powerful, all-consuming, monstrous dark was frightening. It scared me and it scared Lauren and I would have done anything to get out of it back into the light again.

I grappled with my systems, searching desperately for my flashlight. There it was.

' **Flashlight activation will result in death'** it told me helpfully.

I didn't care. I didn't care if I died a thousand deaths. That supposed 'light at the end of the tunnel' would be worth it all. Just get me out of this darkness!

The message shattered as I turned on the flashlight and the suppressing darkness was broken by the beam of my light. It shone out of my chest, right out of the center, a soft glow. It felt warm there.

Then I looked at Lauren. She still looked frightened – she held her portal gun with white-knuckled fingers – but unhurt. "You doing okay?" I asked.

She nodded, but she was shaking.

"I know this is scary," I said. "I never thought of this game being scary, but it is. It kind of is. Well, it could be worse," I added with a chuckle. "We could have been playing 'Amnesia: the Dark Descent', or ooh, 'Outlast', that would have been a bad one. Just saying, it could be way worse than this."

Lauren opened her mouth as if to speak but, once again, no sound came out.

"Still can't talk, huh?" I asked sympathetically. She motioned for me to toss her my note pad.

' _I feel almost as if I could'_ , she wrote, ' _if I tried hard enough'_.

"Best not," I said, sticking my hands in my pockets. "Chell could talk, but she never did in the game."

' _Why not?_ ' Lauren scribbled.

"Rebellion," I said. "She didn't want those who trapped her to hear her voice. Come on. Let's get moving. We've got a lot of work to do."

Lauren handed me back the note pad and reinstated her grip on her portal gun. The management rail was out of power in this area and I had to use some of my own energy to make it work. It was tiring, but worthwhile.

"So, there's something I need to catch you up on," I said as I rolled along, lighting up her path, alternately chatting and giving directions. "I met some people like us who were trapped in the game. Yeah, apparently they've been sucked in same as us! As different characters, of course. Jump across there," I interrupted myself to instruct. "They've been helping me out, you know. Getting you out and everything. Just to your left, there. Avoid the lasers, please. There you go! And anyway… what?"

Lauren motioned to me.

"Oh, you want to know who they are?"

She nodded.

"Yeah, there are three of 'em. There's Dan, Rick, and Kay. Dan and Rick are… nice, I guess. And Kay is…" I let an admittedly goofy smile cross my face. "Kay's amazing."

Lauren wiggled her shoulders suggestively, pursing her lips in a silent teasing 'oo-oo-oo'.

I let it drop. That's the nice thing about mute people. They're easy to ignore. "So, anyway, they've all been helping me, and in return, we're going to help them get out. You with me?"

Lauren nodded and hopped across a moving platform, going on its way to who-knows-where.

"Careful! Let me light that jump for you. Nicely done! Okay, so I've figured how we're going to get out of here. It's not the way that I thought of before, but… Lauren, could you stop for a second?"

She did, giving me her undivided attention. I found it hard to look at her straight-on. Her eyes were too wide, too innocent. I looked at the storage cubes in the glass tubes being shipped off to their chambers. They rattled and banged against the sides, making sounds like drums being pounded.

"I've got a plan to get out," I said, forcing out the words, "but it's not going to be easy."

Lauren shrugged as if to say, _so what? We've done hard before._

"And I mean really not easy," I added. "It's not going to go like we want it to, it might even go really badly."

Lauren motioned for the pad and pen again and scribbled for a second before turning it toward me. ' _It won't go badly'_ , it said. ' _I'll have you to guide me'_.

My resolve shattered right then. How could I do this? How could I go through with the plan when she was looking at me like this, so trustingly, so certain that I would get us through this?

I forced a laugh, although my innards were twisting into little metal knots. "Right. Okay, as long as you're alright with that. Here, can you portal up there?"

Lauren didn't notice how quickly I switched the subject so quickly. She didn't notice how uncomfortable I was with the whole thing. She didn't even notice how damp my hands were with coolant fluid when I took the notepad back and our hands touched just briefly.

All the time I led her, I was wrestling. All my stalwart resolve, all my stone-cold tenacity had melted like jello in the rain. She trusted me. She trusted me absolutely, no questions asked. I didn't want to hurt her.

"I'll meet you up ahead," I told her dully, skittering away before she could even nod in reply.

 _I couldn't do this! How could I do this? No. I couldn't. Don't make me—_

I was at the Turret Production Line before I realized it. I was so disturbed I nearly exited again without realizing. I settled for hanging desolately from my management rail and staring blankly at the little white turrets who would say 'hello' before moving on. Once in a while a defective turret would get tossed, but that was the height of the action.

"Suddenly Wheatley… is standing beside me…" sang Kay, knocking my elbow and making me jump. I was so preoccupied I hadn't seen her come in. She gave me a nudge again when I didn't respond. "How's it going?"

"I can't do this," I whispered.

Kay's good mood vanished in a heartbeat. "What do you mean you can't do it?" Her voice desperately clung to optimism.

"Just what I said – I can't do this!" I let my compressed volcano of pain erupt, flinging an arm in the direction of my sister's location. "She's gone through so much already, why can't I leave her alone?"

"You can't be serious," said Kay, crossing her arms and looking worried.

"I am serious. I am so serious right now I make Snape look giddy!"

"But what about our plan?" asked Kay. "What about getting out of here?"

"I need to take care of my sister."

"And the only way to do that is to…"

"I know, yeah, I know. But I can't!" I gripped my hair and spun away. "I can't hurt her like this!"

"Listen, Wheats—"

"Stop calling me Wheats!" I yelled in her face. "I'm not Wheats, I'm not Wheatley. I'm John. Do you get it? John!"

There was a moment of silence. Just enough time for me to realize just how loudly I had been shouting, to register the look on her face, and wonder if I had broken a friendship with my words.

"You're right," she said slowly at last. Her eyes were fixed to my chest. "You're not Wheatley. You're John. But," and here she looked at my face, "you are playing a part. Have you ever done any acting?"

"Yes… a little. I was Lefou in our school production of Beauty and the Beast in eleventh grade."

"That's all this is." Her voice was gentle, prompting. "A play. Just a character you get to play. And you have to—"

"Let me guess," I said bitterly. "Convince you?"

"No," said Kay. "Convince her. Convince Lauren that you are your part. She knows you, the real you. If you play a different person, she'll notice. She will notice and she'll play her own part well. You won't be hurting her."

I wasn't looking at her. I couldn't open my mouth without a thousand angry words humming out like stinging bees. Kay's hand rested gently on my shoulder. I tried to shrug it away, but she persisted.

"It's hard," I heard her whisper. "It is hard, but I know you can do it."

A final squeeze, and then a rustle. She was moving away.

"What is it like In-Between?" I blurted.

I didn't look up, but I heard her stop. I heard her turn.

"When you do something wrong, the game starts glitching," she said at last after a moment of silence. "Bits of the map starts falling apart, things start becoming blocky. Ones and zeroes fly everywhere, and you feel yourself… being shredded. It feels like your skin is being stripped from your bones and your mind is melting. When your brain is completely liquid it's poured into the In-Between. You're basically compressed into a strip of code along with everyone else. Your minds merge, mingle, stuff themselves into each other…"

"Sounds intimate," I mumbled.

"It's not. It's painful and humiliating and confusing. To sum it up in one word… it's Hell, Wheatley. Real, authentic Hell."

I dug my fingers a little deeper into my pockets and gritted my teeth. I could hear Kay tap her steel-toed shoes together and out of the corner of my eye see her bite her lip.

"I don't want to convince you one way or the other," she said, her voice quiet. "This choice is yours, Wheats. Completely up to you. I… I trust you to do what's right."

I didn't look up until she was gone, and even then I glared sourly out the window.

"She doesn't know," I muttered to myself. "She doesn't know for sure."

My mood softened as Lauren appeared, dodging the odd turret that was flung through the air into the incinerator. I left the room to greet her.

"Hey, Lauren!" I waved my arms. "Hey!"

She gave a crooked smile and raised her eyebrow.

I stuffed my hands into my pockets. "How was your trip? How… how…?" I sighed and rubbed my hair. "Okay, I have a question. On your way to meet up with me, did you find a turret on the production line headed for the incinerator?"

She nodded.

"You saved it?"

'Of course', she mouthed, looking shocked that I would think she'd ever consider leaving the thing.

"Okay, alright. That's good." This was my last chance. "Did you listen to what it said?" _Please, please let her have listened._

She nodded hesitantly.

"You did." I let out a gasp of air from my fake lungs. "Good! That's a good thing. What did it say? Did it say anything interesting?"

She nodded, hesitating again.

I racked my brain to remember. "What, like 'Her name is Caroline'? Or 'It won't be enough', or the whole 'Prometheus was punished by the gods' speech? All that?"

A nod to each.

"Anything more than that? Let me see… um… oh! 'Don't make lemonade'? Did you hear that? You did, that's good. How about 'The answer is beneath us'? Good, that one too. Did it finish with 'That's all I can say'?"

Lauren's neck must have been getting pretty sore from all that nodding.

"Anything else?" I grasped eagerly at the question that had been haunting me. If there was any other way – any way at all – the Oracle would know.

After a moment of thought, Lauren shook her head.

"Are you sure?" I asked, not allowing my hope to deflate quite yet.

More sure of herself, she shook her head again.

My disappointment must have been more evident than I thought, because she touched my arm and mouthed 'what's wrong?' A defective turret whizzed past her head, but she didn't flinch. Probably the Chell in her was making her stronger. We needed to get out before our characters took us over completely.

"Nothing," I said, trying to put on my cheery mood again. "Not much. Come on this way. You're going to love this, I promise."

I tugged on her arm and led her to the room. "Ta-da!" I flung my arms out wide. "Only the turret control center, thank you very much."

Lauren didn't look overly impressed, but she did look interested. "I'll tell you how it works," I told her. I pointed at the control turret. "See, that's the control turret. Since it's the control, all the other turrets that get made are duplicates to that one. The system that scans it also scans the turrets out there in the production line and compares them to the control. If they're good, they go on to get packaged. If they're bad turrets, they get… well… tossed."

A defective turret made my point for me, sailing into the incinerator.

"So, what should work is taking out the control turret. Could you turn around while I hack this door?"

Lauren shrugged and did as she was told while I punched the glass in the upper half of the door. She looked back at me in surprise. "Manual override," I explained, massaging my hand. She shook her head, no doubt thinking I was a weirdo (no argument) and came over to place her portals. The control turret was thrown on the floor, but the system kept pumping them out from memory.

"Alright, that didn't work," I mentioned. "So, you have any ideas?"

She looked at me pointedly.

"I can't tell you," I said. "I would if I could, but I literally can't say. This is a test you have to solve on your own."

Lauren stuck her hand tentatively into the scanner beam. It didn't hurt her, so she stood directly beneath it, which would have given her the 'Scanned Alone' achievement had she been in the game, but didn't do anything here.

"Good try, but no," I said. "That's not going to work it. But maybe if you put something else in…? Something it could replicate…?"

I congratulated myself on my subtle hint as she left the room, running back along the catwalk. My pride only lasted for so long, however, because she came back empty handed.

"Nonononono," I cried, twisting her back around by her shoulders and giving her a little push. "You were on the right track! It's out there!"

Lauren looked puzzled and shrugged at me.

"Okay," I said, pushing my hair back and gesturing with my hands. "Maybe – just maybe – you need to go out there and get something to put in place instead of the control turret. A different turret, maybe? A… _defective_ one?"

Lauren's mouth opened in an 'O' of surprise and she nodded at me.

"I'm honestly surprised I could get that out," I told her. "Maybe if you wait long enough in the game Wheatley tells you. I dunno. I never waited that long." My attention snapped back to her. "What are you doing standing around here? Get a move on, will you?"

She saluted and ran out the door to grab a defective turret. Soon it was situated inside the turret command center and we were on our way to the neurotoxin generator. Even though my mind still hurt from my upcoming dilemma, I shoved the thoughts aside. They would just have to wait.

* * *

 **A/N: Hello, it's me again. I always think I'm going to say something super creative in these author's notes, but I just end up being really boring. I'm probably doing this too early in the morning. Anyway, just wanted to say I do not own Harry Potter (as you probably guessed), or - you guessed it - Portal.**

 **While I'm at it, I would really love some comments right about now. Let me know how I'm doing and what I could be doing better. I love constructive feedback. Thank you all for coming along for the ride because this story was strictly for fun (and to get me out of this writing rut I'm in).**

 **Next chapter next week!**


	6. Chapter 6: The Fall of the Mighty

**Chapter Six**

 **The Fall of the Mighty**

"Bring your daughter to work day," I read the banner on the wall. "I heard that that event did not end well."

Lauren moved slowly past the children's science displays. I felt a sudden pulse of disdain. Yes, they were children, but couldn't they do any better than this? I mean, their dads were scientists! Didn't any of them have any creativity whatsoever? Did they all have to make potato batteries? Well, to their credit, there was a grand total of one lone baking soda volcano, but… come on!

I shook this feeling off, nodding toward the final exhibition. "Look, look at that one, Lauren! Look at that! It's growing right up into the ceiling!"

The potato stalk was enormous, sticking straight upwards. Bits of potato plant hung in coils from the ceiling and the enormous roots hung out over the floor. In the game it looked enormous, but it wasn't until you were at its foot – or, rather, a few feet away separated by glass – that you realized just how massive it was.

"It probably has some potatoes growing on it somewhere," I suggested. "If you're hungry we can take a break. You can harvest some potatoes and… well, I'm not sure if you can cook them, but I'm sure they're fine raw."

Lauren shrugged and made a face.

"What? You're not hungry? Are you sure? You've been running around for hours, now. You should probably eat something, just to keep your strength up."

Lauren shrugged again, wider this time, mouthing, ' _I'm fine_ '. She pointed at me. ' _You?_ '

"I- I'm an android," I said. "I don't need to eat. Actually," I added in consideration, "I'm not sure if I actually physically can eat." I probed my midsection. "I don't think I have a stomach in here at all. Everything's run by electricity, no need for any kind of… of nourishment at all. So, thanks but no thanks. I'm good."

Lauren turned to go on, but I called out to her, "Wait!" and she turned back.

"That poster," I said, pointing. "Behind the potato stalk. Yeah, that one. There's a name at the bottom right hand corner. Could you… could you look at it and see what the name is, please?"

My not-stomach curled in anticipation as she bent over, but relaxed a bit as she stood upright again, her face thoughtful but not horrified. That was always a good sign. I would take thoughtful over horrified any day. "Well?" I prompted. "What was the name? What did it say?"

' _Chell_ ', she mouthed.

I let out a gasp and wiped away nonexistent perspiration from my forehead. "Whew! Okay, alright, that's okay, then."

Lauren looked confused and made a shrugging motion as if to ask, ' _what did you think it would say?_ '

"I thought… I thought it might have your name on it," I admitted, drawing scribbles in the dirt on the glass between us. "I thought that since you played Chell, it might be your name on the paper… instead of hers."

Lauren motioned to everything. ' _What happened?_ ' she mouthed.

I was happy to stall as long as possible. "You can rest while I talk," I offered. Lauren nodded and sat crosslegged on the floor, resting her portal gun on her knees.

"I have to tell you right off that most of this is speculation," I began after a moment of consideration. "It never really tells you straight up what happened on that day, but many people think that Bring Your Daughter to Work Day is when GLaDOS took over. There's this online comic thing that's made by the creators of the game – it's called Lab Rat – and it says that GLaDOS took over on Bring Your Cat to Work Day. Whether that happened at the same time, or whatever, it's not clear. Nobody really knows.

"Anyway, when GLaDOS took over, she killed all the scientists. Gassed them with neurotoxin. The kids – the ones who made these displays – and others who survived were taken to be tested. For a lot of them the testing was too rigorous. They… let's just say they didn't get the cake at the end."

Lauren wouldn't get the cake reference, but from her face she hadn't heard. Her brows were creased and her expression mournful as she looked at the floor.

"It is horrible," I agreed with her unspoken thoughts. "This game isn't a happy kid's game. It has its dark side. It deals with things we don't really like to think about. But that's what makes it so awesome! I mean, when you're not inside it. That's what I mean. Um… so, you want to get going again? We've still got that neurotoxin generator to take down, and then on to GLaDOS."

Lauren rose, and there was a new determination in her eyes. Things had changed for her, I could see. She was no longer out for survival. She had her eye out for revenge. Revenge for those kids. Revenge for the scientists. And also revenge for Chell.

 _She's going to look at you like that_ , said a treacherous voice in my mind. _She's going to be out for revenge after you betray her. Unless, of course, you will do something about it._

I didn't want to hurt her. I really didn't.

 _It's just a play_ , Kay had said.

 _But it's not_ , I argued mentally. _It's real life, now! My life! My sister's life!_

Mental Kay didn't even try to answer that.

* * *

When I was little, maybe about seven years old, my mom caught me bugging my sister. We had a big talk about being a bully. I didn't see the big deal. I was just having a little fun.

"You're the big brother," my mom said. "That means that you have responsibilities. You need to take care of your little sister, not hurt her."

I don't remember what I answered. Suffice to say I was unimpressed.

But then, as I got older, even though I still teased, I came to realize what she meant. At her first soccer game when she was six years old Lauren was bullied to tears by her teammates because she was goalie and let a ball get through.

"Anybody could have blocked that shot!" shouted one little girl.

"You're so dumb," muttered another.

I waded into their midst, right up to Lauren, who was wiping tears from her eyes, directing my words so that they would heal my sister and wound everyone else. "Hey, Lauren! You did a great job! You blocked five balls from getting into the goal! I saw you!"

"She let one get in," said Snooty-Patootie number one.

"Yeah," I answered, turning to her. She was standing with her nose up in a self-righteous attitude. "But she blocked the one you tried to knock into your own goal."

Titters rose from the group of girls and Snooty-Patootie shrank.

"You're all supposed to be teammates," I said. "Why would you do that? And why would you be mean to someone who was just doing their best for the rest of you?" I cocked my head toward my sister. "C'mon, Lauren. We're going to get ice cream."

The smile she gave me as we walked back to the car was worth all the embarrassment of talking down to six-year-olds. I pretended I didn't notice, but I did.

Then Lauren became a bit of a jerk-face when she became a teenager. Even so, she was my sister, and I stood up for her when she got into trouble, like that time she went on a date and the guy decided to get a bit hands-on with his kissing. I just happened to be driving by in the dark and saw her struggling. I jumped out of my car and rushed to the rescue.

I got a black eye for her because the guy apparently didn't want to let her go. I'd like to say that I stood in front of Lauren to guard her the whole time we backed away, valiantly opened the car door for her, and drove away, but realistically speaking, I grabbed her hand, yanked her away, screamed, "Get in!" and drove away at top speed, probably breaking the speed limit as I did.

I remember how my hands shook on the steering wheel, and how we both began laughing and couldn't stop. Lauren started crying, pressing her hands to her face, and I didn't know what to do so I kept driving. Once we got home, I parked in the driveway and stayed with her until she stopped sobbing. I don't remember if I patted her awkwardly on the shoulder or just sat equally awkwardly beside her. I hope I settled for a pat.

What I do remember is that, once she got out of the car and headed toward the car, she smiled again. "Thanks," she said.

I don't remember what I said to that.

* * *

"That's the neurotoxin generator," I said, pointing to the ginormous tower in the middle of the room. Lauren craned her head back to scan it, down from the invisible depths it rose from, up to the long, black spiderweb cables near the ceiling.

"It's a bit bigger than I expected," I said, also taking in the daunting sight. "We won't be able to just push it over. Have to apply some cleverness." I tapped my forehead and grinned. "There's a room at the top over there. We should probably head up there."

Lauren followed me up the stairs and through a doorway. 'Good' turrets were being thrown into a whirling crusher. "And there's our handiwork," I said, feeling a contradictory flush of pride and pity. Lauren bit her lip, looking guilty. "The pain's only simulated," I added, trying to make it better. Lauren looked at me reproachfully. I cleared my throat. "Better move on," I said quickly. "That way."

We rode upward in silence, Lauren in the lift, I on my management rail. The only sound was the pitiful cries of the turrets as they were crushed into scrap. I tried to think of something to say to cover the sound, but nothing presented itself.

Finally we were at the top. "Here's the door you need to go through," I said, pressing my palm against it. "I can get into this adjoining room through the management port, but you need to go through here. I don't think I can hack this one, manually or otherwise. Um…" I looked hopefully at the big red button that would open the door. I couldn't tell her about that, sadly. "Oh, look!" I said, peering at the panels being sent to the side. "That's a big laser. No, seriously, that's a biiig laser. Really big. With a portal surface behind it."

Lauren's eyes lit up as she looked at it. I waved my hands at her. "It won't help right here, not to get the door open, but just remember it for later, okay? In case a big laser with a portal surface behind it comes in handy. Okay," I surveyed the door. "I can't get the door open, and I'm pretty sure GLaDOS won't be so generous as to crack it open for us, so – sorry – but it's up to you. Any ideas?"

Lauren looked around and saw the button. She pointed at it. I shrugged, unable to say anything. She pressed it.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING WE DON'T KNOW WHAT— yeah, that was the right button." I grinned at Lauren's startled expression and ducked into the management port before she could whack me.

"Alright, I'll be over here trying to hack the neurotoxin generator," I shouted through the glass at my sister. "You just stay over there. If you think of something to help, go ahead and do it. I'm going to be hacking, okay? Silently hacking."

I placed my hands on the top of the monitor like I was mind-melding, pretending to hack although wasn't. I had gone back to contemplating. The core transfer was coming up quickly. Just this, then the ride through the tubes, then the transfer. What would I do then?

I wanted to get my sister out. I didn't want to hurt her. That much was certain. But would getting her out really get her home?

Kay had said…

What did Kay know? She was just guessing. Nobody had actually finished the game before. What if you went In-Between as soon as the game ended? What if there was no escape?

But what if I never tried to finish the game? Would that really be so bad? The game would restart and I would have another chance.

But…

"If the game glitches again… I'm letting go."

The memory of Kay's words hit me like a blow to the head. I had forgotten. Stupid me, I had forgotten that she said that! My hands clenched on the side of the desk in front of me. All this time I had been acting as if there wasn't a consequence if the game glitched again, but in reality…

…Kay would die if it did.

She had come to me earlier, but she hadn't used that excuse. She hadn't commanded me to play the game and let her live. Kay had left it up to me, trusting me, even though she knew I could kill her by a single action gone wrong.

With this knowledge, how could I _not_ play the game?

And yet, with my little sister here, how could I?

I jerked to attention as the computer blared at me, the monitor screen blazing with a yellow warning. I whipped around to look at the neurotoxin generator. The giant cords on the left side were limply dangling, cut by the laser I had mentioned earlier. "Keep going!" I shouted as Lauren grinned triumphantly at me. "Neurotoxin down by fifty percent!"

She shot another portal at the moving panels on the right side. The laser, streaming through the portal, severed the cables. A haze of neurotoxin puffed into the air, then weakly dissipated. "Neurotoxin down to zero percent!" I whooped. Lauren punched her fist into the air.

Then the generator started to implode. Warning lights flashed as the generator collapsed inward on itself, writhing like a snake in pain, then cracking and tumbling downward into the abyss. Well, I'm pretty sure it fell into the abyss. I kind of missed that part because the ventilation shaft to the side of the room I was in popped open and the suction tried to pull me off my management rail. I grabbed the rail, hanging on with all my strength.

"Come on!" I shouted to Lauren. "Get over here! I can't hold on much longer!"

She ran to the rescue. I let go. We were both sucked into the shaft.

I traveled backwards through the tube, looking straight at my sister's startled face. "Sorry about that," I said, pulling my legs up so I was in a squatting position, but still traveling backwards. My hair brushed the top of the tube. AI Tube Cleaning Service, that was me.

"Alright," I said, counting down on my fingers. "We took out the neurotoxin and replaced the turrets. GLaDOS will never know what hit her. High five!"

Lauren was traveling head forward like superman, but she still managed to slap my hand and give me a grin.

I chuckled, but it died away quickly and I cleared my throat, looking down into the nothingness beneath us. "I… I wanted to say something," I started, twisting my hands into my pockets. "I wanted to make a promise, okay? Here it is." I looked into her eyes. "I will get you out of here," I told her. "Both of us will get out of here, no matter how long it takes or how much it hurts… or anything! I promise we will both get out. It's just…" I sighed. "We might not be able to get out at the same time."

Lauren looked alarmed.

"I know, I know," I said. "But I promise that if you get out first, I will follow you. And- and if I get out first, know for sure that you'll be getting out too, maybe even in a… better… way."

I was worming my way around the actual problem. Probably not good for a healthy relationship.

"But I promise we will both get out," I repeated. I couldn't help adding with a grin, "There's a blue sky out there waiting for us. I promise you that."

Lauren nodded as well as she was able when traveling head forwards through a tube. She even managed to smile.

Then I was hit on the side by a box, knocked into another adjoining shaft. "Don't worry about it!" I yelled as I was swept away from Lauren. "Get to her! I'll find you!"

It was disconcerting how quickly I changed direction in so short an amount of time. I was sucked several different directions, became completely lost several times, almost knew where I was once, got lost again, and finally gave up and went where the tube decided to take me.

The abrupt direction changes also didn't afford me much time to think, which I guess was a blessing, because it was just more of the same argument, the same questions repeated again and again with very few answers. The gnawing feeling grew in my stomach as I ticked down the minutes until the choice had to be made.

The tube I rode in lurched and I bumped into the side, yelping. I ricocheted through the shaft, curling up into the smallest ball possible, trying to stay in one piece. The world was a bruised, painful blur, but I kept my eyes open. I entered a darkened room and my stomach gave a final lurch that had nothing to do with my rebounding. There was GLaDOS. She was hard to miss, even with the bumping. And there was Lauren, a speck of orange at the end of the tunnel, trapped in a glass cage. It was time.

The shaft ended abruptly and I pinwheeled on its edge. "Hello!" I exclaimed at Lauren before toppling out of the shaft. I rolled and hit the glass wall on the opposite side, shattering the entire cage. Lauren grinned and held out her hand, helping me to my feet.

GLaDOS glared at us, and even though I wasn't on the management rail and I wasn't connected to Aperture, I could still feel the loathing wash over us. "I hate you so much," she stated.

"Warning," blared the announcer, and I flinched. "Central core is eighty percent corrupt."

"That's funny," said GLaDOS out loud, momentarily distracted. "I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good."

I knew this part so well I could almost mouth the lines along with it. The humming buzz in my stomach increased in magnitude.

"Alternate core detected."

"That's me," I gulped. "That's me they're talking about."

My mouth felt dry. Why would that be? I was a robot! My mouth didn't need liquids!

"To initiate core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle."

"Core transfer," GLaDOS exclaimed, displeased. "Oh, you are kidding me!"

The receptacle was not exactly the way it was in the game. Instead of a socket, it was a seat with a plug in the back and manacles over the armrests. Not the most reassuring sight. Just looking at it made me feel a new sort of dread.

Lauren glanced over at me, waiting for my word. It took all human effort to get the words out of my mouth. I stammered, gulped a few times, but finally whispered, "Do what it says. Plug me in."

"Do not plug him in," commanded GLaDOS.

"Don't listen to her," I said, guiding my sister toward the seat. "Do it. Plug me in."

Ignoring GLaDOS' demands, I sat in the seat and Lauren guided the plug in the back to the socket in my neck. It clicked into place and the restraints closed over my wrists.

"Substitute core accepted. Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?"

"Yes!" I called up, even though my inner workings were kicking into third gear. What if I lost my mind after this happened? What if it deleted my human memories? What if—

"Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?"

"No!" GLaDOS exclaimed, far more vehement in her answer than I was with mine.

"Oh yes she is," I called, still getting a kick out of goading her, even though I was scared out of my wits.

"No no no no no," asserted GLaDOS.

"Stalemate detected," said the announcer. "Stalemate cannot continue—"

"Yes," GLaDOS sighed.

"Wait for it," I murmured.

"—Unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button."

"There it is," I cried, caught up in the excitement despite my anxieties. I pointed as well as I was able. "Go press it!"

"Don't do it," ordered GLaDOS, her voice low and dangerous.

"Yes, _do_ do it," I urged.

Lauren was already running, sprinting towards that beautiful ruby button in the room to the side. I winced as a panel sprang up and slapped her backwards. Lauren skidded backwards before approaching again warily.

"Not so fast," crooned GLaDOS. "Think about this. You have to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified."

"Don't listen to her," I argued. "That doesn't matter, really. I mean, it's just a button, right? All you really need is a finger, and hey! You've got ten of those! And – and this part is very important – if you don't press that button she will kill us. Kill you and me. Both of us."

By this point, Lauren found the portal surfaces at the bases of the panels. She portaled through into the room and ran for the button, but GLaDOS blocked her way with more shields.

"Impersonating a stalemate associate," GLaDOS said. "I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, It's a list I am making because you're still doing things right now even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the—"

Lauren didn't even let GLaDOS finish her sentence. As soon as she solved the little puzzle with the shield panels, she slapped her hand down on the button. I could feel the snap of sudden energy rush through the system, the full brunt of its effect crash into GLaDOS, knocking her almost senseless.

My chair began to move downwards, the floor opening up to admit it. "Here I go," I called with a nervous smile. Even though this thought had crossed my mind several times before, I went with the game and added, "Wait, I just thought of something. What if this hurts? What if this really hurts? Oh, I didn't think of that."

"Oh, it will," GLaDOS told me maliciously. "Believe me it will."

My head was only just peeking above the floor by this point. Lauren was looking at me, concerned. "Are you just saying that or is it actually going to hurt? It is, isn't it? It is actually going to hurt? How painful are we talki—"

What did I think? That because Wheatley was funny and bumbling that he was also a wuss? That his scream of pain he gave out at the end of that sentence was fake or that there was no reason for it? If I had ever thought that – and I'm not saying I did – all my doubts were relieved in one instant of raging, white-hot, agonizing pain.

Imagine needles being stuck into all your nerves at the same time. And not in that Chinese Medicine type of way where it's not supposed to hurt. Lots of needles, all over. And then, to make matters worse, you roll over on top of those needles, forcing them as deep as they can go into your skin.

And then pour lemon on it.

Yeah, that's about what it felt like.

After the first initial rush of pain, where I may or may not have screamed, the agony switched off. I couldn't see, hear, or feel anything. I don't even remember hearing GLaDOS' haunting scream as she was pulled down. I do, however, remember feeling when I was being transferred over, because for a very brief moment GLaDOS and I both were in the same spot.

Her mind brushed up against mine and the terror and anger she was feeling poured into my brain. She was trying to think up a thousand counter plans to combat what was happening, but it was all coming up in confusion. She was scrabbling for anything to hold on to, snatching like a rat for a piece of driftwood when the ship has sunk. But then I withdrew and the moment passed. And then…

Oh, yes. And then.

I was attached to the system and my mind and body became alive. My brain was hooked up to all the various mechanisms and structures in Aperture. More energy and power than would have been good for me in my own small form filled me to the brim. I could see so much more, hear so much more.

Feel so much more.

As soon as the transfer was complete, I rocketed upwards out of the white curtain of protective walls that shielded me. I spun, arms held out wide, shouting at the top of my synthesizers, "WOOOHOOOO!" because it felt so good – so _very good_ – to be like this, on top of the world.

"We did it!" I shouted down to Lauren, who looked stunned, but happy. "I'm in control of the whole facility, now! Look at this!" I waved my hand and the walls moved with the cool ripple effect I always enjoyed watching Wheatley pull off. But now it was me doing it! And… wow, didn't this feel good!

I examined myself for improvements. GLaDOS' old casing – the large part with all the wires and things – still hung above me, but instead of just chopping off my head and placing it where the core should be, it had made allowances for my shape. Thin iron rods were attached to my arms and legs, each of these covered with connecting slips of metal meshed together, covering my back like a second skin. This contraption lifted me about ten feet off the ground, hovering like a god in an ancient Greek play.

My clothes seemed a bit worse for the wear, the gray vest and blue shirt welded to my form, no longer seeming like synthetic fabric, but hardened into a shell. Grooves made allowances for elbow and knee movement. I ran my hand over the new metal coating, flexing my arm and admiring the way the metal snapped into place. "Nice," I grinned. "Look at this, Lauren!" I called down to my sister. "Isn't this cool? And it's not just that, it's all up here, too!" I tapped my temple. "All of Aperture, all waiting for my beck and call. So, I can get you that elevator, if you want?"

She smiled and nodded, doing a little happy dance at the thought.

I grinned back, although I was just starting to remember my problem. Let her go, or go with the game? Now was the time to choose, because here was the elevator, responding to my summons.

I grinned larger, trying to act as if everything was alright. "Look how small you are down there!" I laughed. "I can barely see you! You're like a little bitty little ant!"

Lauren rolled her eyes and stepped toward the lift. She bounced on the balls of her feet as the lift doors closed.

"Let me tell you," I said, stalling by reciting the game, "I knew it would be cool to be in charge of everything, but… wow. This is really cool!"

Cubes. Panels. Confetti. They all appeared according to my will and I had no trouble playing around with them. I juggled them with pleasure. I had never been able to juggle before, but all I had to do was wish for it and it happened!

"And check this out," I said, "I can talk any language I want. If, you know, I could get the language software to work out. But I can, if I want to! I really can!"

Feeling somewhat at a loss for breath, I looked at Lauren to observe her expression, still feeling awash with power and energy. She cocked an eyebrow upward, nodding toward the surface.

"Oh," I said. "Oh, yeah. The lift. Yeah. Okay, sure."

I couldn't stall any longer. I had already started the lift rising. Either I brought it all the way to the surface or stopped it. The choice was mine and the butterflies which had survived the transfer began to gnaw at my stomach. How could I choose? How could I?

"This body is amazing, seriously!" I exclaimed.

 _She's my sister! I can't hurt her!_

"I can't get over how small you are!"

 _Kay will die if I don't._

"But I'm huge!"

I forced a laugh. For a second it was just that – a slightly uneasy chuckle. And then it grew. _I can't stop laughing_ , I thought in panic. _Why can't I stop laughing?_

Time to make a choice.

I let out a long breath of air, sighing the remainder of my laugh away.

 _It's just a play_ , Kay had said. _Just a character you get to play._

 _Convince her._

Bringing that lift back down was the easiest thing I had ever done.

* * *

 **A/N: Sort of a cliffhanger ending for you because I'm a rotten person. Bwahahahaha. I've gotten the next chapter all typed out already because I was struck by a sudden spirit of writing, but I'll hold onto it for next week, again because I'm a rotten person, and I don't want to use up all my ammo. Hope you didn't mind all the angsty decision making stuff in this chapter. That'll be mostly over by the next chapter.**

 **Also, just wanted to point out, the chapters of the story are based on the names from the game's chapters. Didn't know if anybody picked up on that, but it means that there will be ten chapters (because I'm counting the credits as a separate chapter.) But - too bad! - you'll have to wait for it.**


	7. Chapter 7: Family Reunion

**Chapter Seven**

 **Family Reunion**

"Actually," I said, and savored the word that always made my stomach churn when it came up in the game, "why do we have to leave right now?"

Lauren gave me a half smile that held a lot of confusion. She shook her head and mouthed, ' _what_?', giving suggestive glances toward the land above. I tried to forget that she was my sister. _She's Chell_ , I told myself. _She's Chell and you're Wheatley. Do what you have to do._

"Do you have any idea how good this feels?" I demanded.

 _More pride. More importance._ I tapped my chest several times very quickly, giving her a smile that would make anyone feel uncomfortable facing. "I did this. I did all of this."

"You didn't do anything," GLaDOS said spitefully, a blip of motion from the floor. "She did all the work."

Lauren opened her mouth as if to discredit this, but I swiftly interjected, "Oh, really? Ha, that's what the two of you think, is it?"

Lauren gave a prim twist of her mouth, her eyebrows creased in confusion, no doubt trying to figure out what was going on.

"Well, maybe it's time I did something, then."

Even though I was supposed to be playing a part, just stating the lines and staying in character, it did feel awfully good to drag GLaDOS into the core disassembly chamber below me and start pulling her apart. _Now who's the small one? Now who's the metal ball?_

 _Potato battery_ , I whispered to the systems, and they began to obey.

"And don't think I'm not onto you too, lady," I continued, turning back to Lauren. I flipped up the panels on the walls so that the lights underneath would shine like eyes, like scoping lasers on guns. Oh, yes. I was really starting to get in character. "Do you know what you are? Selfish. I've done nothing but sacrifice to get us here, and what have you sacrificed? Nothing. Zero. All you've done is boss me around, but now who's the boss? Who's the boss? It's me."

I twitched my shoulders with each taunt, inching myself closer to the glass, but still hovering a good half-foot above the floor. Lauren's surprised expression turned to fear, and then – unsurprisingly – to resolve. Her brows lowered and her jaw clenched. She glared at me as fiercely as any tiger, her hands tightening on her portal gun as if I had just crossed the point of no return. The rust-red tip of her hair shifted with her heaving breath and I could hear the hiss of air leaving her nostrils.

 _Don't blink,_ I told myself. _Don't blink._

 **System transfer complete** , the message flashed as Potato Battery GLaDOS became available. "Ah," I sighed, turning to take her in my hand. I waggled her at Lauren. "See that?" I asked. "That is a potato battery. It's a toy for children, but now she lives in it."

I guffawed. It was kind of funny, when you thought about it. All the vast knowledge and experience of Aperture forced to live in a root vegetable. Pathetic.

"I know you." The voice was so quiet I hardly heard it.

"Sorry, what?" I asked, tilting her up to look at me.

"The engineers tried everything they could think of to make me… behave. To slow me down. Once they even attached an intelligence dampening sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas."

I had heard these lines before, of course. GLaDOS always said them in the game, but they had never sounded so… pointed. So hateful. I had always seen from Chell's side of the picture, the side Lauren was looking from now. I had always listened closely as if by doing so I could hear a new clue that shed some light on the subject. Very little was known about Wheatley's experience as the Intelligence Dampening Sphere, and I had always been curious about it. But now this was different. I didn't need to figure it out. I already knew.

That short time during the transfer when our minds connected, GLaDOS' and mine, had allowed me some insight into her memories. Memories I did not wish to see, but somehow was not able to push away. A thing stuck onto her, babbling ideas she could not ignore. The idiotic stupidity of the thing and the nonstop, rattling voice she could never shut out.

"I'm not listening," I exclaimed, turning away as if by saying so I could make myself deaf. "Not listening!"

 _Shut out the memories. They're not real. They're not—_

"It was your voice."

 _Babbling incessantly. Why can't I make it turn off? Make it stop! Make that thing stop!_

"No, you're lying! You're lying!" I shouted, but the memories poured in from the object I held in my hand. She was feeding them to me, sending them to my brain like a bunch of stinging bees.

"Yes," she continued, sounding as if she was just realizing this for the first time. "You're the tumor. You're not just a regular moron. You were designed to be a moron."

How dare she? How _dare_ she? Didn't she realize how much I had gone through? Didn't she know who I was or what I was doing here? I didn't ask to be brought here! I was doing a great job at being Wheatley! How _dare_ she fill my mind with false memories and create me to be something that I was not?

I was filled with such rage that my hand shook. The panels around the room clacked together as they jittered in their sockets. The ground rumbled and my nails cut little crescents into the potato's flesh. I raised my arm. "I am _not… a… moron_!" I shouted, slamming her against the glass.

"Oh, yes you are," GLaDOS exclaimed relentlessly. "You're the moron they built to make me an idiot!"

How come even though she was a potato and I had control over the entire facility she still had the ability to make me feel so small? Even though she was clenched in my hand, I still felt as helpless against her stinging words as if I were in her pincher grip again, waiting to be crushed.

Well, who would be crushed now? I was the one in charge, not her.

"Well, how about now?" I cried, punching her through the glass and shouting down at her. "Now who's a moron?"

I raised myself up higher and began to hammer on the top of the lift, driving my immense strength down on its top. "Could a moron punch… you… into… this… pit?! Huh?! Could a moron do that?!"

She was out of my sight, driven into the earth like a spike into the ground, and for a moment I felt satisfaction. I had done it. GLaDOS was as good as gone. That should teach her to call me a moron!

And then the realization set in.

Oh no.

Lauren.

I think I gave a little moan as the lift gave a final complaint. It let go, plunging straight down into the depths. I fell to the ground, grasping desperately with my hands as if I could catch it if I was fast enough, but it was gone. And the two of them, too. Both of them, gone.

And I had caused it.

I kneeled at the edge of the pit, filled with utter horror. What had I done? I knew what I had done, I had just condemned my sister to four more chapter's worth of testing and betrayal.

Instead of playing the character, I had let the character play me.

Moron?

Yes. Yes, I was a moron.

I tuned the system to scan for organic organisms in the shaft so I could sense her. There she was, dropping steadily downward at terminal velocity. I could feel the two of them falling through the facility like I could feel a piece of food being swallowed.

I had done this. I had done this.

So great was my guilt that if my power had attached to anything, I would have thrown my hard work away and reached through the walls to grab them. Grab her. My sister.

Then my area of influence reached its limit and I could not sense them anymore. They had gone too far, plunged too deep for me to sense. Perhaps by this point they were still talking, or maybe Lauren was already unconscious, crashed into the rotten boards closing the entrance. Who knew? It wasn't up to me anymore.

I was still kneeling hopelessly by the shaft entrance when I sensed three figures enter the room. They walked quietly, but I could still feel the little flicks of energy I could sense in Aperture products. Rick, Dan, and Kay.

Kay knelt beside me, putting her hand on my shoulder. I had so much strength in Aperture, it seemed almost as if I was being nuzzled by a kitten, she was so small and – dare I think it? – insignificant in this vast, complicated labyrinth of a place. No, that was not right to think. Kay would never be insignificant, even if such a time might come when I would think it was so.

"You did well," Kay whispered. I only grunted in reply.

"Nobody's ever gotten this far," said Rick. He and Dan stood behind me. "This is undiscovered territory."

"I'm sorry you had to do this," Kay said. Her touch was gentle. I liked being close to her, even if it had to be under these conditions. I grimaced and shifted, my eyes still locked on the endless hole below me.

"I didn't want to do that," I said. "None of it. After GLaDOS started to shout at me I just… went overboard."

"GLaDOS can be emotionally rousing," Rick agreed.

"But that's no excuse to do what I did," I exclaimed, sitting upright on my knees and staring at each face in turn. "You have no idea how it makes me feel! I wish I didn't know what was going to happen," I added as quietly as I could. I clacked two of the wall panels together in irritation. "It makes me just want to… I want to…" I looked into Kay's eyes, struck by inspiration. "I want to carve a hole in my all-seeing eye."

"And resurrect myself years after my demise," she quoted, continuing the song.

"I feel like you're reciting something again," said Dan. "Let me guess, Portal themed?"

"Not this time," said Kay, shifting slightly to turn to him. "It's a song called Black Holes, written by a band called the Aviators."

I twitched. "Actually, it does have something to do with Portal. They wrote that song… for… Wheatley," I admitted.

Kay twisted to look at me, her eyes wide with surprise. "Really? I just thought the song was used in lots of Portal music videos!"

"No, it's actually for Wheatley. Writes him a lot more sympathetically than I picture him, but it's strangely applicable for this situation."

The words for the song flooded into my mind as I turned away again:

 _I want to carve a hole in my all-seeing eye_

 _And resurrect myself years after my demise_

 _I'll be the blade that cuts the cables from your head_

 _Fear nothing but embrace the drive you feel instead_

Then the chorus:

 _I'd like to reconcile the conflicts in my heart_

 _These broken lights inside are pulling me apart_

 _An iron mind commands the deeds I have to do_

 _Black Holes inside my soul are pulling me from you_

I sighed and rose to my feet, helping Kay to hers. A nice excuse to hold her hand. "What's done is done," I said. I let my new form lift me up into the air, crossing my ankles and letting the metal slips lock into place, bending my knees as if I was sitting in a strange, robotic chair. Despite how it looked, it was pretty comfortable. "Now, we've got at least twelve hours until they get up again." I rubbed my hands together. "I need a step-by-step plan for the rest of the game, just so I know what to do. Kay, go!"

Kay grinned and began to pace back and forth, brainstorming her ideas. "Okay. So, you've already gotten past the hardest part: the core transfer. The next half will probably be easy, but stressful. Sooner or later, the Itch is going to start. You can't stop that, and you're not going to be able to control it. You can control yourself when it gets to you, but as the game progresses it'll get harder to do that. I'm not sure how bad it's going to get."

"Okay," I agreed, shifting. "So, what do I do about it?"

"The most important thing to watch out for is GLaDOS," said Kay. "She's not one of us, she's directly connected to the game. If she has programmed lines and you say something that forces her to say something different, I'm pretty sure the game will glitch."

"Why didn't you tell me that earlier?" I exclaimed, startled.

"She didn't think about it," said Rick. He waved a hand at Kay. "Continue on, little lady."

I shot Rick a sideways glance. 'Little lady' seemed an Adventure Core thing to say. Now that my attention was brought to the fact, all three of them looked like they were battling corruption. Dan kept whispering under his breath and even Kay looked drawn.

Kay was talking again. "For the final battle, you're going to need some things prepared. One is the neurotoxin generator. You can get the nanobots working on that. The other is… us." She made a movement as if gulping and her hair swept in front of her eyes. "We need to be corrupted enough to prompt another core transfer and put in the corruption bin before the battle begins. I would request that we be mostly corrupted before you put us in the bin, though. Please?"

"Yeah, sure. Okay," I agreed. "How, um… how bad is the corruption, now? In each of you, what level?"

"Fifty-six percent," said Rick.

"Fifty-eight percent," Dan said.

"Fifty-one," Kay whispered.

I felt bad. Here I was, bursting with all the power of Aperture, and here my friends were wrestling with corruption. "Well, maybe I can fix that," I offered eagerly. "I could get the nanobots in here and…"

"No!" cried Kay, taking a step backward. "Didn't you hear what I just said? We need to be corrupted to take you down at the end! The game still can glitch, you know."

"Are you sure?" I asked, looking them up and down anxiously.

Dan shrugged. "The sooner we contact corruption, the sooner we go home. Just like the theory about quick sleep bringing on the morning."

He was starting to sound more 'Factual' too. I tried to wave it aside.

"I'm going to get the nanobots started on the neurotoxin generator, now," I said, turning aside for the moment. I tapped into the radio for the nanobots. "Jerry? Can you hear me?"

"Mistress? The mistress calls?" Jerry's tiny voice piped up.

"Nope, this is your new boss. Master, not mistress. Got it?"

There was a momentary pause. "System memory update. New central core. Master, not mistress. What is it you wish, Master? What do you wish the nanobots to do?"

"I want you to fix the neurotoxin generator," I told him. "I… er… _somebody_ did a number on it, and it is critical that you get it up and running as quickly as possible. And then stand by for more orders."

"Master tells, we obey," said Jerry, and then the line went dead.

"Well, I got that all set up," I said, lounging comfortably in the air. "Now what?"

Kay shrugged. "Whatever you want."

Testing was starting to sound really, really good right about now, but I pushed the urge away until later. "Alright. Err… how about you tell me the timeline?"

"Timeline?" asked Dan, cocking his head.

"You know. Like, who was who each time through. What characters you've played and what happened and so on. I'd like to know about that."

Kay nodded. "Fair enough."

The three sat down in front of me. Kay tapped her thumbs together. "I was Chell the first time through," she started. "The game crashed because I forced Wheatley to detach before I got into the elevator. We rode it most of the way up before it started glitching."

"Huh," I said.

"Second time I was the oracle turret," she said. "Another girl played Chell, and I tried to warn her about glitching the game, but she didn't listen. She actually…" Kay gulped at the memory. "She walked me through the fizzler at the end of the catwalk."

I winced. "Ouch!"

Kay nodded. "Yeah. That was unpleasant. I don't know how the game glitched that time."

"Because you were dead," suggested Rick.

Kay's grin was strained. "Yep. Well, third time through I was Chell…"

"And I was Wheatley," Rick added.

"You already told me about this one," I said.

"I broke the game," Rick admitted. "I knew the system wouldn't let me detach, so I forced Chell – I mean, Kay – into the lift and made it go all the way up to the surface. The game didn't like that."

"I came in the next time," Dan cut in. "I was Jerry, Rick was Rattmann, and Kay was Chell."

"I was Chell three times out of five," said Kay.

"Kay found me, then GLaDOS found us." Rick shrugged. "That… wasn't supposed to happen."

"The last one was the shortest one of all," said Dan, and he shot a grin at Kay.

Kay ducked her head in embarrassment, letting her pixie-cut fall in front of her eyes. "Dan was… Space Core." She said 'Space Core' very quickly, as if not allowing herself time to think about it. "Rick was… who did you play?"

"Rattmann again. I made sure to stay out of sight. Stop stalling, you're going to have to tell him eventually."

"Who did you play?" I asked, my interest piqued.

Kay slouched lower. "GLaDOS," she mumbled.

"You played GLaDOS the last time around?" I yelped. I was struck by a mental image of an android GLaDOS, her hair trimmed to a white pixie-cut, eyes glimmering with yellow malice. The image was conflictingly terrifying and attractive.

"And it was my fault the game glitched!" she moaned.

"How so?" I inquired.

She swiped the hair out of her face and bit her lip. "You know at the beginning when GLaDOS wakes up and crushes Wheatley?"

"Don't remind me," I said, flinching.

"I… didn't let him be reconstructed."

"What?" I asked, horrified.

"Just what I said. I made sure the reassembly machine didn't work so he wouldn't disrupt my plans. Remember when I told you that you became more like your character the farther in you go? I'm pretty sure it's the exact opposite with GLaDOS. You start out like her, then when the core transfer happens, you remember who you are." Kay shuddered. "I'm assuming. I never even got that far."

I felt chilled. Chilled and rather anxious. Wow, testing was sounding good right about now. A couple boxes, a button…

Right when I was about to suggest maybe building a testing chamber – just for fun, of course – Dan slapped his forehead. "I just realized something," he exclaimed. "How are we going to find each other once we get out? We could live in completely different countries, for all we know!"

"I live in America," I said.

Kay dipped her head. "I don't remember," she said softly.

"Mexico," said Dan.

"What, really?" I asked.

Dan turned around to stare at me. "Couldn't you tell just by looking at me?" he asked. "I'm Mexican."

"I… um… I didn't notice," I mumbled. It was blatantly obvious, now he said it, but I hadn't thought about it.

"Russia," said Rick.

"What about it?" asked Dan.

"I'm from Russia," repeated Rick.

We all stared at him. "Really?" asked Kay.

"How come you're speaking English?" I asked.

"I was playing the English version of the game," Rick explained. "Trying to get extra credit for my classes. When I got sucked in, I was speaking English as fluently as if I was American." He shrugged. "Not a bad thing."

"So, we've got two in North America," counted Dan. "One from who-knows-where, and one in Russia." He threw up his hands. "Unless we're all planning to join the Olympics for our countries, we might as well all forget about it."

"Or," Kay suggested, "why don't we post fanfiction detailing our experiences. We'll write it down, post it online, and look for other people's stories matching it."

Dan nodded slowly. "Ninety-five percent chance of working."

I was starting to feel shaky. I closed my eyes, counted to ten. It didn't help. "Alright," I said, unlocking my metal back structure to dangle upright and rubbing my hands together. "I'm going to build a test chamber."

"Itchy?" suggested Rick.

"Character getting to you?" Kay asked.

"To you too, it sounds like," I said.

"How so?"

"You were just humming 'twinkle, twinkle little star' a moment ago," I told her gently.

Dan and Rick snickered, but Kay ducked her head. She might even have been blushing, because a golden sheen rose in her cheeks. "It could have been the ABC song," she muttered defensively.

I shook my head and turned away. "Here, I'll bring up a viewscreen so you can see. Jerry?" I called into my radio.

"Master calls. What does Master wish?"

"I need wiring and panels for a new test chamber."

"Of course, Master. We hear, we obey!"

With Jerry's help, I was able to construct my own test chamber. It was rather like Wheatley's first test chamber he had Chell go through. Very simple, with the cube chute placed right over the button.

"Alright," I said. "Time to test it out."

I heard Kay's breath hiss through her teeth as I activated the cube dispenser. The cube dropped straight onto the button.

Now, I want you to imagine several feelings. Are you ready?

A cold splash of water being poured over your head. A hot drink going down your throat and into your stomach. The warm surprise and joy that comes from the realization that your crush likes you back. The rush of energy you get from your favorite upbeat music. The smell of your favorite foods. The excitement from your first kiss. Oblivious happiness. A good stretch. Getting an A+. Tension released.

Imagine feeling all those things wrapped up into one wonderful feeling that socks you right in the stomach. That sensation grows and spreads out through all of your limbs, all the way through you until it fills up every inch of your being.

It felt wonderful.

No, that was an understatement. It felt sensational, incredible, beyond anything I had ever felt before in my entire life. It was a surprise at first, because I wasn't expecting it, but as the rush of warm and cold flowed through me, I began to enjoy it.

Wow. Wow, wow, _wow_.

It grew stronger. Just when I began to wonder if I could bear any more of it, it ebbed, leaving a lingering good taste in my mouth. I gasped in breaths, my back arched, sucking in air, wishing the feeling had not left.

"Wheatley… Wheatley…"

They were talking to me, weren't they?

"Wheatley, let go! You're hurting her!"

"Wheats, please."

I looked down, surprised. My hand was clenched around Kay's wrist so tightly I could see the pulse of her veins around my fist. Rick was desperately trying to wrest my grip off of her and Kay looked up at me with eyes filled with cleaner fluid. Dan simply looked afraid.

I let go and Kay stumbled backward, rubbing her wrist. Rick glared at me, his hands on her shoulders.

"I'm so sorry!" I cried, dropping to the floor and walking toward her. Rick and Dan flinched as I came close, but Kay held out her arm for inspection. I had absolutely mangled her forearm. It dripped golden oil – or whatever that stuff we ran on was – and bits of sharp metal poked through. "I'm so sorry," I repeated over and over again. "I am so, so sorry."

"It's okay," she said, looking down at her battered appendage. "The reward is a bit… overwhelming. I shouldn't blame you."

I called the nanobots in and they began to fix her. She hissed between her teeth in pain as they corrected the injury and took the print of my grasp off her arm.

"It felt good though, didn't it," Kay said, glancing up from the procedure.

"Well, yeah," I admitted. "It felt absolutely tremendous! All those feelings, all getting me right here," I put a fist to my midsection.

Kay smiled gently. "I know."

"You… you know? How?"

"I was GLaDOS, remember? She got the same thing."

"That same thing?" I asked.

She nodded. "Yes. She doesn't like to feel it, though. She thinks that it's degrading to feel something that stimulates her to do science – testing, which she already loves. When I felt it, I tried to push the feeling away."

"Why would you want to push it away?" I asked, stifling an overwhelmed giggle. The aftereffect of the reward was dying, but I still felt really good.

Kay shrugged as the nanobots completed their work. "Maybe I thought it would make the withdrawal better. It doesn't, by the way."

"Good to know," I said.

Trying to act as if I wasn't doing anything, I activated the cube dispenser again. Another cube fell on the button, but nothing happened.

"It doesn't work that way," said Kay, who had noticed, of course.

"No," I sighed. "I didn't think it would."

Kay's mouth quirked. "You can't get the reward for free. You have to work for it. Creativity for the reward."

"Okay," I agreed. Softly, tentatively, I added, "I don't suppose you would agree to trying out one of my…"

Kay's slap resounded off my cheek. I immediately bristled. She had _hit_ me! How dare she hit me? We glared at each other like bitter enemies, like I had glared at Lauren earlier.

"I will not test for your enjoyment just to have you turn against me," Kay growled through gritted teeth.

Did she know who she was? Did she even see how big I was next to her? Didn't she know I could crush her with one flick of my wrist? I had crushed her arm already, I could crush the rest of…

My anger ebbed, leaving a sense of shame. I deflated, backed away. "I'm sorry," I apologized. "I won't ask you to do that again. Any of you." I looked around at Dan and Rick.

Kay nodded, looking quiet and tired again. "Thank you. I'm sorry for slapping you."

"I deserved it," I said.

Kay held out her hand. "Do you still have that pen and paper you used with your sister?"

"Um, yes."

"Get it out." I did as I was told. "Write on it, 'Lauren is my sister'. Go on. Do it."

"Why?" I asked, doing as I was told.

"You didn't see your face just now," she said. "If you can forget who I am, rest assured that you can forget who she is. Write it down and hang it somewhere that you can see. And set a notification to ring every fifteen minutes that says the same thing."

"Bossy," I rebuked as I obeyed.

"Far sighted," she corrected.

I let out a quiet breath, looking around. "I suppose I could make some turret-boxes."

So, that's what I did for the next twelve hours: designed turret-boxes and built test chambers. I felt the reward, each time a little less than the last. My friends' corruption grew. Rick began to talk about exploring and Dan spouted weird facts every so often. Kay remained silent, but her eyes were pained as if she were trying to suppress her own screams. I felt sorry for her. We both had our own itch.

* * *

The turret-boxes were not doing what I wanted. I tried asking them politely to step on the button, yelling at them, and installing a monitor in the test chamber to show them just who they were dealing with. None of these worked. Using a claw to place them on the button only worked once. I had to settle for goading them from then on.

Finally, with a final yell, I turned off the camera and lay back. I hadn't had even a taste of the reward for several hours and I was starting to feel irritable again. "When are they coming up?" I demanded.

"Probably too busy exploring," Rick answered with a sparkling smile and daredevil attitude. "Creeping through the jungle, finding their way back to civilization."

"Not helping, Rick," I moaned, rubbing at my eyes, which was useless because I was wearing glasses.

"Ninety percent of dead people don't believe they are dead," Dan informed me.

"Sure, yeah," I said. "Make that a hundred percent because – you might have missed this part, but – _they are dead_!"

"Calm down, Wheats," Kay implored tiredly. "They'll come here soon enough."

I sighed, slumping down in my seat. "But when? I've tried scanning down there. There's nothing but empty space!"

Kay's eyes sparked. "There's space down there? With stars and planets and… oh. Of course, you meant like… empty space, not… not… yeah, okay." Her temporary energy was quenched and she subsided into sickly contemplation.

My heart gave a wrench. I opened my mouth to console her, but the now slightly familiar feeling of the reward flushed through me and I turned to the camera, looking down over the testing chamber filled with turret boxes, exclaiming, "Yes! I knew you'd solve it eventually!"

"Hey. Moron."

"Oh." I felt a twinge of disappointment that my turret-boxes hadn't solved the test themselves. Instead, Lauren stood in front of my screen, the potato jammed onto her portal gun, the turret-box set square on the button by her own hands. Her face was twisted with the pressure of a thousand emotions, her eyes hopeful, her brows angry, mouth pursed as if trying to talk.

 _No_ , I told myself. I couldn't focus on that. _Talk to GLaDOS if you have to. Don't even look at Lauren. Do what you have to do._

"Hello," I greeted them, politely but icily.

Good, but still that familiar feeling of guilt gnawed.

"Alright," I heard the potato whisper to my sister. "Paradox time." She raised her voice and shouted at me: "This… sentence… is… _false_!" Then subsided into a repetition of, "Don't think about it, don't think about it…"

I pretended to consider. "Umm… true. I'm going to go with true. Heh, that was easy. Although, I'll be honest, I might have heard that one before. So, kind of cheating."

GLaDOS was livid. "It's a paradox, there is no answer," she screamed. "Look! This place is going to blow up if I don't get back in my body!"

"Umm… false. I'm going to go with false."

"Warning," said the announcer, cutting in. "Explosion imminent."

This guy had been bugging me for the last few hours. There didn't seem to be a way to permanently turn him off, which was a bummer.

"Hold on," I said. "I thought I'd fixed that!"

 _Turn off_ , I thought to the announcer system. _Drat you, turn off!_

He did, in a spritz of static.

"There," I said triumphantly, brushing off my hands. "Fixed. Hey, it is great seeing you guys, by the way! It turns out I'm a little bit short on test subjects—" (Yes, I had checked. Yes, they were still dead. No, I was not able to find Rattmann and rope him into testing.) "—so this works out perfect! Aaand off we go!"

I allowed the door to open and Lauren walked through. I tried not to notice the disappointed anger in her eyes, or the slump of her shoulders as she left the room.

"You have no idea what it's like being in this body, seriously," I told them. "I have to test all the time or I get this… this ITCH. You know, it must be hardwired into the system or something. But when I do test…" I leaned back, my eyes rolling back in sincere pleasure. "Oho, man alive!" I drawled. "Nothing, and I mean _nothing_ feels better. It's just… it's why I've got to test, it's why I've got to test!"

I waited just long enough for GLaDOS to insert her reply of, "Uh-oh," which I couldn't hear, by the way, before continuing.

"So, you're going to test and I'm going to watch. And everything will be just… fine."

"Warning," cut in the announcer, "core overheating. Nuclear meltdown—"

"SHUT UP!" I screamed at it, out loud this time.

By the time I had gotten the announcer – who I'm sure was smirking at me – securely gagged, Lauren had entered the chamber. "Made it myself," I said proudly. "It's not much to look at, but it works. Just go ahead and solve it, okay?"

Lauren glared at me, but pressed the button to send the cube out of the dispenser and onto the door open button.

If I had thought that the reward was strong the first time it happened, this was ten times stronger. And let me tell you, it felt wonderful. I gasped as it waxed, then sighed deeply as it waned. "Ohh, yes," I moaned. I giggled a little bit as it faded completely. "Thank you. That felt really good."

I knew that doing the test again would not do anything, but I couldn't help making her try. That didn't work – of course – so it was up to me to find new test chambers.

Lauren glared at me on her way to the elevator, and that sapped my last remnants of pleasure. I sat back, metal sheets locked into a seating position, and contemplated.

* * *

 _Somewhere inside this place you're with her unamused_

 _By my mistakes, the aches of having you to use…_

* * *

 **A/N: Well, now you know why the story's called Black Holes. Took me forever to get to it, but now you know! Oh, yeah, and I don't own the song either.**

 **Lots of fun writing this chapter. It's just great writing from the perspective of Wheatley through all of this. It's not easy, of course, but loads of fun.**

 **Also, slight announcement: I won't be posting a chapter next week because I'm going backpacking. I could post a chapter before I leave, but that would leave you with an even worse cliffhanger than this one, so I'm not going to do that. If you want to be notified when I post again, please follow. Sorry for the inconvenience, but it makes me happy if you care.**

 **Next chapter week after next.**


	8. Chapter 8: Itchy

**Chapter Eight**

 **Itchy**

"The reward is hurting you." Dan's voice was blank.

I snapped out of my thoughts. "What? What do you mean by that? It feels absolutely wonderful! What are you talking about?"

"The reward hurts you," repeated Dan.

"It's true," Kay said. She was staring vacantly at the floor. "Whenever it hits, chinks by your joints open up and they shine blue, like lightning. Like Neptune. And stars. And space. And…"

Kay's eyes grew wider with every word, her gestures more animated. She shook with enough excitement to power a computer, rattling off a stream of space related words and concepts. Right when I thought I had lost her for good, her mind caught up and she snapped her mouth closed, clasping her arms around her shoulders, stopping the stream by force.

"Are you alright?" I asked.

"I'm fine," she choked. The smile she shot me was more of a grimace. "It's just… space. All up here." She gave a small gesture toward her head and a cracked giggle that did not make me feel any better.

"Space adventures," Rick drawled, coming over to place a hand on Kay's shoulders, sweeping his arm over a vast imaginary sea of stars. "Adventures in space. Adventures through space. No telling what's out there."

Kay ducked her head, flinching from his touch. Her hair swept in front of her eyes. "Paradise means sacrifice," I heard her whisper in a chant. "Paradise…"

 _Means ending life,_ I finished mentally.

I would have consoled her, except Lauren's elevator came to a slow halt and she exited. My gears whirred in excitement. Time for more testing!

"Made this test myself," I boasted, leading them into a new test chamber.

"This is one of my tests," GLaDOS declared, outraged.

"Not entirely. Not entirely. Look at that word 'test' on the wall. That part's all me, lady. Now, solve. Um… please," I added.

I studied Lauren's every move. Sure, she was solving these tests more slowly than I would like, but these were more difficult than she was used to. A whole new element to learn: excursion funnels. It was kind of fun to watch Lauren drift through them, up to the ceiling, shoot a portal, drift to the side to get the turret-box for the button. She was actually pretty good at solving these things.

I shivered in excitement as the turret-box floated toward the button. Oh boy. Oh boy, here it comes.

It came, just as forcefully as before. Oh, man alive.

I chuckled, and it came out a bit slurred. "That is tremendous," I moaned, allowing myself to relax into the aftereffects. That lovely tingly sensation still lingered and I waved a hand at my brilliant test-solving helper. "You go on ahead. I'll catch up with you."

Reward hurting me, indeed. I felt better than I ever had in my entire life. The other cores were chatting and I listened to them idly as I waited. My system pumped to the words: _next test. Bring on the next test._

 **Lauren is your sister.**

The sudden notification made me jump. _That thing again_ , I thought in disgust. I really didn't need it. Of course she was my sister. I knew that. How could it think I would ever forget that?

Wait, where was the elevator going, again? Oh, right. The excursion funnel one. Lauren stepped out of the lift and headed onto the floor. She started almost without looking around.

"She's died in this chamber before," Kay said softly. "That's how she's knows what this part looks like." I chose to ignore her.

Still, after jumping down into the excursion funnel at the bottom, Lauren had a very difficult time figuring out what to do next. I jittered impatiently as she scanned the room and placed her portals. In the wrong positions, of course.

"Alright, this is taking too long," I snapped after enduring torture for a lengthy two minutes. "I'm just going to help you out a little, okay? See these wall panels? You have to position your—"

When the engineers designed the system, they really went all out with the sensory simulators. That meant pleasure was incredible, but it also meant that pain was torturous. Again, I had underestimated Wheatley's pain tolerance. His shout in the game did not let on to half of the pain he was feeling in that moment when he broke the rules and tried to tell her how to solve the test. Let me just say: whoever designed robots to feel pain, I wanted him to meet a mashy spike plate.

After the pain had subsided into unpleasant pins and needles, I gasped out, "Never mind! Never mind, do it yourself. You're on your own."

I turned the camera off momentarily and leaned over to Kay. "Do I have to say the line at the end of this chamber? The one GLaDOS tricks Wheatley into saying?"

Kay nodded somberly.

"Darwin's evolutionary standpoint was manufactured to prove to society that his wife was evolved from an old nag," Dan said.

I snorted, my bad mood momentarily lifted. Rick face-palmed. "That actually made me feel a bit better. Thank you, Dan," I said.

"King Henry VIII's six wives can be remembered in this way: divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived."

I shrugged. "True, which makes it all that less amusing."

"The fact sphere is always right."

"Okay, I'm going back to testing, now."

With that, I turned my attention back to the test chamber and its occupants. Within a few more minutes of struggle, Lauren managed to activate the button on the ceiling with a turret-box hoisted by the excursion funnel. The reward hit again and I closed my eyes in bliss.

"Oh, yes. Oh, well done!" I groaned.

"Thanks," called the potato, speaking loudly so I could hear. "We just had to pull that lever."

"What are you talking about?" I snorted. "You just pushed the bu—"

That starchy demon! She actually tricked me into it! That hurt almost as much as the pain. GLaDOS should be happy she wasn't hooked up to Aperture. As soon as she was, I would give her an electrical shock that would cook her potato to a crisp.

The elevator started slowing, even though there wasn't a test chamber near. I stopped smashing steel plates together and sat up straight. New test chambers! Right… I should probably have been making some. Oh, well. GLaDOS must have some spares about, right?

Right.

I peered about the facility, searching for the most likely place an omnipotent AI would stockpile a bunch of unused testing chambers.

"Not here… not here…" I muttered out loud to myself as I peered through cameras. One viewport granted me a grand view and I registered a double take. "Oh wow," I murmured, jaw slack with amazement. "She _did_ stockpile them!"

Whole test chambers, partially developed test chambers, test chambers in development – all of them were right here, ready for me to pluck the ripest and send it to Lauren for testing. Well, since there were so many of them, I might as well mix and match.

Lauren exited the elevator too soon. "Wait, don't start yet," I yelped as she entered, moving a new test chamber closer to the one she was in. "You're never going to believe this! I found a gigantic room filled with hundreds and hundreds of perfectly good test chambers! There were some skeletons in them, but – don't worry – I shook them all out. Good as new."

I tried to gently connect the two test chambers together to make one huge test, but it didn't work out too well. They slammed together and I could see the lights flicker as the walls tore up. Well, it still worked well enough. The schematics in my head clicked green to show me that the test was complete and I settled back to watch.

 **Lauren is your sister,** the notification came again.

 _I know that. Shut up,_ I thought in irritation.

Lauren must have died once or twice because she solved the first part very quickly. The second part came about more slowly, and she had particular difficulty getting the excursion funnel to float the turret-box in just the right position. Finally, she got it in the right place and it sailed directly toward the button. I began to suck in little breaths in anticipation of the reward.

 _Oh boy. Oh, here it comes._

The box hit the button and I stiffened, waiting for that blissful release of euphoria to wash over me. I could feel it rising. It was about to hit…

But just before it did, it slipped away.

What had just happened? What had gone wrong? I felt like a child jilted of his Christmas gift, opening the brightly wrapped box and finding it empty. Like the buildup to a sneeze, but having it slip away before coming to a conclusion. I was drained, not invigorated.

"Huh," I said out loud, feeling cheated. "Disappointing."

I turned off the screen as Lauren stepped into the elevator and lay back, musing. I knew this was going to happen eventually. Of course I knew. But why did it have to happen so soon? Disappointing was the only word for it. Horribly disappointing.

What had I done wrong? Why was it punishing me? What had I done?

What had _she_ done?

 **Lauren is your sister.**

I groaned out loud. _Of course she's my sister. And I know I'll have to up it in the next test chamber if I want to stay in character. Just… leave me alone._

I suddenly became aware of raised, angry voices. Swiveling around, I saw Rick lurch toward Dan, hand curled into a fist, both arguing at the tops of their lungs. Kay stood between them, desperately trying to keep the peace.

"What is going on here?" I demanded.

"The adventure sphere is a blowhard and a coward," Dan spat toward Rick snidely, taking no notice of me.

"Oh, is he?" growled Rick, trying to reach past Kay and inflict some damage. "I've taken down ten full grown men with just my bare hands you beady-eyed freak! Snapping your chicken neck should be no problem."

"Kay? What's going on?" I asked.

Kay looked up, almost in tears. "I don't know," she wailed. "I don't know who started it. Just… stop it, please!"

Taking advantage of her distraction, Rick lunged at Dan, grabbing at his throat and wrestling him to the ground. Dan stubbornly repeated bad facts even as he was pressed to the floor.

"Separate, you two!" I shouted, intervening with metallic pinchers that I brought from the walls.

Dan dangled limply in its grip, muttering mulishly, "The fact sphere is a good person whose insights are relevant."

Rick, on the other hand, flailed in the pincher's grasp, throwing punches at thin air. "I'm not afraid of you," he hollered. "Bring on your armies, I'll whip you all! You'll never see me coming. I'm like a… like a crocodile! Riding a dragon! Both of 'em coming right at you, ready to bite your head clean off! So come at me, big guy! I'll give you a taste of this!"

I was tempted to roll my eyes. "Okay, I'm putting him in the corrupted core bin now. Say goodbye."

Kay gave a halfhearted wave as I dragged him out of the room. "Rats cannot throw up!" Dan shouted after his retreating form.

"I'll be coming back, just you wait," declared Rick, punching a fist in my direction and glaring daggers. "I'll be back and you'll never see it coming. It'll be like a fist punched through a—"

"Yup. Bye-bye," I called as he was dragged out and deposited in the corruption bin below.

"Thanks," whispered Kay, brushing the hair out of her face and staring at the floor.

I shrugged awkwardly. "Sure."

"Mars," she muttered. "Venus. Pluto. Not a planet. Not a planet, Pluto. Poor Pluto." Eyes still downturned, she moved away.

I sighed and turned back to the screen as Lauren entered the room. I already felt guilty about what I had to do.

"You know," I started slowly as she hefted her portal gun. "That last test was seriously disappointing. Now, I know I'm not doing anything wrong, so how about you step it up a bit? I've tried being nice, but apparently that's not good enough for you, so let's try doing it her way, alright? Fatty."

Lauren started and a look of surprise came over her face. I didn't want to see another dance of emotions, so I stared at her portal gun.

"Adopted fatty," I sneered to the Handheld Portal Device. "Fatty-fatty no parents!"

"And?..." prompted GLaDOS.

"And what?" I asked, genuinely taken aback.

"What's wrong with being adopted?" asked the potato.

"What's wrong with being adopted?" I repeated. I wracked my brain. Did Wheatley say anything here that supported his claim? I couldn't remember. "Uhh… lack of parents?" Anything else? I knew Lauren wasn't actually adopted. Our parents were both still alive. (Still Alive – sing it!) There really wasn't anything wrong with being adopted, was there? "Actually, some of my best friends were adopted," I muttered. Wow, GLaDOS had really thrown me for a loop with this one. Why had I thought this would be a good argument?

"Also, look at her, you moron," she continued. "She's not fat."

Again that word! I used to think that 'moron' was a funny word, a word associated with Aristotle and Socrates (according to Vizzini in the Princess Bride), but the way GLaDOS said it you would think it was the worst of insults. It was a constant reminder that I was created to be a moron: a hindrance, nothing more. No good purpose to my design. I hated her so much.

"I am not a moron!" I shouted at her, wishing I could have her in my hand so I could crush her. With an effort I managed to calm my mood. "Just do the test, okay? Just do the test."

I glared at them. Look at her, so smug. Lauren probably agreed with her, too. I was so mad that it didn't even bother me when Lauren got shot by the turret. I just rolled my eyes. If she wanted to solve the test so badly, she had to try harder.

Finally, she got to the other side of the room and placed the box on the button. Again there was this build of excitement that petered out right before it hit. This time the build was even less than before. "It's not enough!" I exclaimed. "If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?"

I slumped back into a sitting position with a moan of agitation. My skin was aching and my head hurt. I rubbed the bridge of my nose. Why couldn't I get the stupid reward? That was twice, now!

And what was with GLaDOS calling me a moron? Sure, it was a prerecorded line, but it seemed awfully personal for that.

"I'm not a moron," I muttered to myself. "I'm not. How can I prove that to her?"

 **Scanning music.**

 **Classical Bach found.**

I shrugged. _Why not? Go ahead and play it in the next test chamber._

Next, books. What books did we have? I scanned the entire facility, but there were absolutely no paper books anywhere. I scanned again, but came up with the same result. No books. Yes, there were eBooks, or something similar to that, but nothing that would make the page flipping sound.

Wait, who said a page would have to make that sound?

 **Accessing sound databank.**

 **Page flip found** , it told me just as Lauren entered the test chamber.

 _Activate, activate!_ I ordered it and pretended to be surprised as Lauren came in. "Oh, sorry! Hope I didn't disturb you! That was the sound of pages being turned. I've been reading books, because, you know. I'm a genius aaaand you're a potato. Yup. So, definitely not a moron. I just finished the hardest book of all: The Prince by Machiavelli. Read it?"

"Yes," answered GLaDOS.

"Doubt it," I scoffed. "Anyway, back to testing. Wish there were more books! But there's not. Sadly."

I hadn't read Machiavelli. The most I knew about Machiavelli had been gleaned from Assassin's Creed. His writing could be the easiest thing in the world for all I knew. Still, I didn't mind in the least that I had just lied to GLaDOS. If anybody deserved it, it was her.

 **Lauren is your sister.**

With that again? Did that thing ever shut up?

I couldn't keep my hands still. The Itch was worse than ever now. Why couldn't she solve the tests faster? What was wrong with this?

The cube shot from one of the portals and hurtled towards my screen. I instinctively flung up my hands as it crashed, sending spiderweb-thin cracks all through the monitor. "What was that for?" I yelled at Lauren, who looked sincerely surprised. "What did that screen ever do to you? They're not cheap, you know."

She stuck her tongue out at me and put the box on the button. Now or never, I thought, aching for the reward. Again that build, but it drained even faster this time, like a balloon with a hole letting the air out. The lack of reward was really starting to hurt, now. I was trying so hard to get it, I could feel my joints stretching and cracking with the tension. I could see what Kay had said about glowing blue when the reward came. I was paying attention. But now the light was scattered, fizzling out of the cracks in my skin.

"You're not trying hard enough," I snapped, switching off the monitor before GLaDOS could make a snide comment.

 **Lauren is your sister.**

 _Shut it!_

"I'm going to move this test chamber," I warned Lauren when she came into the next room. "Just had a thought: maybe you're not close enough to me, and it'll work if you are."

I heard GLaDOS mutter something.

"What was that?" I asked.

"Nothing, nothing," she said.

I didn't trust her, but I answered readily enough, "Oh, okay. I thought you said something."

Lauren broke another monitor, solved the test, and exited the test chamber. "I'm pretty sure you're doing something the wrong way," I called after her as she left. "Just saying, pretty sure you're solving this test the wrong way. No," I peered at the schematics. "No, that was the right way. Rrrgh," I pounded my forehead with my fingers. "What am I missing? What am I missing?"

Lauren left completely and the screen went black. "I must be missing something, right?" I asked, twisting to look at my other companions. When I saw them, my gears skipped a beat and a ball of ice formed in my gut.

Kay was walking around erratically, crying and babbling at the same time. Cleaner fluid dripped from her eyes and every so often she wiped it away with her shaking hands. Her hair whipped from side to side in time with her sudden turns.

"Space," she sobbed. "Space, space, stars! Oh, stars! The big dipper. Milky way. Moon. Jupiter. Meteor. Space man. Ooh, space man, hello. Get out of here, space man. Space man," she screamed, flailing at thin air before resuming her frantic pace.

"What's wrong?" I demanded, startled out of my gloom. I dropped to the ground and stood, watching her.

"Fact: you've lost her," Dan stated, his gaze cold and blank.

"No," I whispered, trying to put a hand on Kay's shoulder as she passed. "No, that's not true. She's still fighting."

"In many cultures, all the women at a wedding would dance around the bride and groom," Dan rattled. "This was formed from the popular belief that—"

"Rings around Saturn," screamed Kay. "So many rings, going round and round. Orbit! Orbit the sun! Comets!"

"It was believed that the sight of naked sailors—"

"Moon! Moons of Jupiter! Mars moons! Space! Moon space!"

"—And scrambled rocks."

"Get him out of here!" I shouted to the system, barely able to hear myself over the tumult of facts and space exclamations. Dan was grabbed by one of the claws and dragged away, still babbling. With only one prattling personality construct left in the room, the noise diminished by a little more than half and I could hear my own thoughts again.

"Space. Oh, oh, space," Kay moaned in a whisper, wringing her hands. Her eyes were sunken and her hair disheveled.

I made Lauren's lift move slower to give me more time and put my hand on Kay's shoulder. She started, whipped around, and stared at me with glazed, unfocused eyes. I doubt she knew who I was.

"It's me," I said, trying for a consoling smile, even though it was wrenching something deep inside to see her like this. "It's Wheats, remember? It's…"

For a frightening moment, I couldn't remember my own name. Then something clicked back into place and I finished, "John. It's John, remember me?"

Something must have clicked for Kay, too, because she relaxed just a tad. "Wheats." Her voice cracked and her hands trembled as she settled them on my shoulders. "Space. Space. Gotta go to space. No, no, don't wanna." More tears were spurting from her eyes, now, and I clasped her arms, trying to channel my strength into her as she sobbed, "I don't wanna. Don't wanna go to space. Wanna… wanna go to—"

Here she stuck, eyes glistening, locking onto mine, begging me to understand as her mouth fruitlessly repeated the word 'home', but all that came out was the desperate scream, "Earth! Earth, Earth, Earth!"

She burst into racking sobs and clutched me, burying her face in my chest. After a second of surprise, I held her, rocking her softly as she cried.

"It'll be alright," I whispered as her sobbing quieted. "We'll get through this. I won't let you die, Kay. Alright? I promise you that. We're getting through this, even if it's hard. And it is hard," I added. "I know that. But it'll be alright later. We'll both get home, no matter what we have to face. No matter what we have to do. I promise, luv."

Luv. Wheatley only uses that word three times total in the game, only at the boss battle at the end, always said with a mocking, angry voice. That's not the way I said it, though. I called her 'luv' the way it was meant to be used. Tenderly. For Kay alone.

Love.

Kay gave a shaky laugh, her face still buried in my vest, and mumbled, "Space."

I began to sing softly:

" _Suddenly Wheatley_

" _Is standing beside you_

" _You've given me purpose_

" _I know what I'm for_

" _I used to guard humans_

" _But now I will guide you_

" _To freedom and baked goods…_

"… _Wheatley's your core."_

Kay gave a last shaky breath and patted my shoulder, separating from my embrace. Her smile was somewhat more at peace as she lifted her hand and stroked my cheek. "Eyes are stars," she said softly. "Star Eyes." Her expression became pleading. "Promise. Promise, Star Eyes. Go to space. Go to space with me."

"I… I promise," I answered.

"Go to space," she repeated.

"I will," I said, more resolutely this time. "I promise we will both go to space."

Now she relaxed, took a step back, brushed back her hair. "Gonna go to space," she said with a smile to herself. "Gonna see the stars."

I smiled although I ached inside. "Alright, Kay. Better get into the corruption bin now."

Kay immediately looked alarmed and darted backwards. "No!" she exclaimed. "Space cops, no! Not go to space jail! Not in space. Gotta go to space."

I sighed. "Alright, you can stay a little longer, but just until you really knock it."

She grinned and wandered off, muttering, "Space cops. Space cops help. Guilty of not being in space."

I turned my attention back to the screen.

 _I want to help you._

 _I want to hurt you._

 _I want to save you._

 _I want to hurt you._

"Alright," I said as Lauren came out. I was still a little dazed by the cold shot of reality that Kay had just given me, but I kept talking. "I… I'm going to tape you doing these, alright? So… I was thinking that… erm… that watching ten of these at the same time would give me a more… concentrated dose, or something like that. It should work. But, on the other hand, I will need you to solve these ten times faster. So get cracking. Please."

Although I still hurt all over from test withdrawal, Kay's episode had given me just enough sanity to examine Lauren's expression – something I hadn't done for several test chambers. Although her expression was still set, I could see that Lauren was tired. She didn't even look at me as she entered the test chamber and began to solve. I was working her so hard. Maybe I should let her rest…

 _No_ , the forefront of my mind rebelled. _I need that reward! The Itch will just continue to get worse if she doesn't do this!_

This test was extremely tricky and I squirmed, trying to keep myself from blurting out the answer. Why couldn't she see the solution? It was right there! Seriously, she must be so dim not to see it! A moron? She was the moron!

 **Lauren is your sister.**

"I know, I know," I growled to the notification. "Lauren is my sister, I got it!"

After three tries, Lauren managed to get the box to hit the right button at the right time to get the lift to get her to the door. I felt a rush of pain and irritation as the reward did not come yet again.

"I told you to tell me when you solved it!" I shouted. "What, does it make you happy to hurt me or something? Is that it?"

Her look was wounded as she left the room.

I glared angrily at the screen until it switched to the newest test chamber. This was one I died the most in. I hoped Lauren died a lot in this one. I hope she died many, many times.

Oh, come on. It wasn't wrong to think like that. It's not like it hurt her when she died!

The whole facility rumbled as the main reactor core complained. I glared up at the ceiling. It wasn't like it was the only one having a bad day!

"This place is self-destructing, you idiot!" GLaDOS exclaimed as Lauren came to the test chamber.

Idiot. Hmm. Well, still better than moron.

"Was," I corrected, trying to find a way to stop the tremors, at least for now. "It was self-destructing, but I fixed it."

Something far off exploded.

"I mostly fixed it," I corrected again.

The elevator outside of the test chamber went kaboom.

"It needs a few more tweaks, a few more adjustments," I deferred.

"Warning, core overheating," the announcer announced. "Nuclear meltdown imminent."

"Ignore that." I waved a hand. "Tell you what, you get testing and I'll fix it. Okay? Don't even worry about it."

Lauren must have died several times, because she solved that test pretty quickly. Either that or she was better at this test than I had ever been. And if that was true, that took all the revenge purposes out of my bitter thoughts. Why should she be even trying to stay alive anyway? It wasn't like she would stay dead. She'd just respawn a moment later! She could be having so much fun being dead, why make it such a horrible prospect? I could probably kill her myself and she would still respawn.

I shot this thought down as soon as it popped into my head. Kill her? Seriously? I wasn't that crazy!

Yet.

Lauren got back to the door and shot a portal with a laser going through to open the exit. I stifled my irritation and snapped, "Nope. Still nothing, you failed. Come on, keep going."

Lauren looked quizzically up at the ceiling as she realized that there wasn't an elevator at the end of this test. "Who needs a lift anyway?" I said, activating an excursion funnel. "Here, just use this."

Lauren doubtfully jumped in and started floating along.

"Might as well give you the grand tour," I said, lounging back. "Over there to your left you'll see some lights… of some kind. No idea what they do, but they look cool anyway. And to your right you'll see…"

An explosion sent one of the supportive beams spinning down into the abyss and the nearest test chamber slid along its newly made track right toward my sister.

"Oh no," I whispered, then shouted at her, "Lauren, run! I didn't do that! That's not supposed to be there!"

I tried to hit the brakes on the thing, but the gravitational pull was too strong. I had a sudden glimpse of Lauren's startled face, her mouth open in a perfect 'o' of shock, before the camera was knocked out. The sliding test chamber came to an abrupt stop and I checked through all the cameras in that area, desperately scanning for my sister.

"Are you alright?" My voice came out in a startled shout. "Here, I'll turn the beam off!"

My stupid, stupid, _stupid_ head! In the moment I fulfilled the action, it seemed like the natural solution to the problem, but the instant that the excursion funnel shut off it occurred to me – oh, wait a minute – Lauren would plunge to her doom.

"Wait, wait, wait!" I shouted, but the deed was already done and Lauren was gone. I threw myself backward. "Why would I think that would help?"

"Space," hummed Kay behind me. "Gonna go to space."

I turned around and gaped. A miraculous change had come over Kay. She wasn't despairing anymore or staring at the floor. Instead, she was wandering in large circles all over the room, a delirious grin on her face, twirling with her hands over her head.

She had stopped fighting. She was completely corrupted, now.

"Kay?" I whispered, going over to her and hovering about a foot above her head. "Kay, no. Come on, no."

She didn't even notice me. Her disheveled hair swung in an arc as she twirled, her glazed eyes sparkling, face flushed gold as she exclaimed, "Going to space. Going to space. Ooh, hey. Space. Look, the big dipper!"

"No," I repeated, but it was too late. She danced around, oblivious to the world. I caught her arm and she pulled away, giggling, "Orion. Three stars. Orion's belt."

 **Lauren is your sister.**

"Stop telling me that!" I shouted out loud.

 **Notification deleted.**

"Wait, wait! Oh, never mind. I'll fix it later."

"Nebula." Kay tasted the word. "Nebula. Neb… u… la…"

My throat felt strangely tight as the realization set in that she was gone. Corruption had taken her and there was nothing I could do.

"I'm sorry, Kay," I whispered as I sent her off to the corruption bin. I could hear her deranged giggle as she departed and tried hard to erase it from my mind. I needed to concentrate. Wasn't there something I was going to do? Oh, right. Testing.

Only one problem: I had sent my only test subject back down into the depths of Aperture. Who knew when she was going to come back up? If she decided to take a nap, it could take hours!

No. I could not wait that long. _System_ , I called mentally, _are you sure we don't have any test subjects?_

 **Zero organic test subjects found.**

 _How about nonorganic test subjects?_

 **Result found: Cooperative Testing Initiative, subjects P-Body and Atlas ready for testing.**

I slapped my forehead. "Of course! How could I have forgotten about Atlas and P-Body? System, get them assembled and testing immediately!"

 **Readying Cooperative Testing Initiative.**

P-Body was assembled first, so I got it testing in one of the solo test chambers. The test chamber I found was a pretty simple one – only one lethal fall – and it solved the test pretty quickly. As the bot got to the exit, the reward socked me in the stomach, rocking me backward.

"Oh, yesssss!" I crowed, letting the desired euphoria roll through me. "Oh, yes, that's what I needed! Well done, P-Body!"

It did a dance move in exaltation. I wiggled a little bit, shaking off the remainder of the reward. "Yes, that was nice. That definitely hit the spot."

Wow, that felt good! Just one test from P-Body was giving me what Lauren and her stupid tests hadn't given me for hours! That meant I didn't need to test Lauren anymore! She was unnecessary. Superfluous.

The door to the half-constructed test chamber nearby hissed open unexpectedly and I turned my presence toward it, trying to figure out what had caused it to malfunction. It hadn't, actually. Lauren came walking in, looking no worse for the wear.

"Ha! You're alive!" I exclaimed. With my reward back, I could be glad for Lauren's recovery. I felt far more sane, now! (By the way, looking back at myself, I realize that when the reward hit, the rest of my remaining sanity was lost. The point you feel the sanest is probably when you are the craziest of all.)

Then I remembered that I was supposed to be mean so that the game wouldn't glitch – or something like that, I couldn't really remember right at that moment – so I rectified that last remark by adding, "Ah, good. Good for you… to get back to testing… obviously. I was just constructing this new test chamber. For you, of course. Who else would it be for? Nobody. I just need an exit so you can actually solve this test and not be stuck in here forever. Umm… oh, let's just take this one."

P-Body jumped as I started tearing apart the test it just solved. _Go on, get out of there_ , I urged it on its private radio. It ran out of the room in a panic and I got it to the disassembly machine.

"Alright. Go ahead and get started. Oh, wait, wanted to tell you something! I have a surprise for you," I sing-songed. "You're going to love it! Seriously, look forward to it."

I sat back, twiddling my thumbs as Lauren got going. I didn't need her anymore. That meant we were almost done. I couldn't send her back up to the surface – crazy thought! – but there must be a way to finish up the game. Chapter nine was coming up – the final chapter. The part where I killed her. Well, not that I would actually kill her, but I had to try. It might even be fun. After all, she would respawn anyway. She had probably already died quite a few times in this level. I know I did with this jump at the end, getting the excursion funnel in just the right spot.

The Itch hurt when Lauren solved the test and nothing happened – again – but I didn't really care. With Atlas and P-Body I'd get all the reward I needed. "I bet you're both _dying_ to know what your big surprise is," I joked as she floated toward the exit. "Well, you might say you're going to love it… to death."

I thought that was subtle enough, so I left it there.

"Yes, thanks, we get it." If GLaDOS had eyes, she would have been rolling them. I mean, yes, potatoes had eyes, but not the rolling kind.

I tried blindly chucking a pipe at Lauren when she came into the next test chamber, just to see if she would die right there, but it missed. Too bad.

I settled back, tapping my thumbs together as Lauren solved the next chamber. The mashy spike plates were being assembled, the trap was being set. No way out. Not even a portal surface for her to use. It was foolproof, even if I said so myself.

This chamber took a while to solve and I was done with the spike plates before she was done with the test. I was even starting to consider upgrading the spike plates to shoot fire as they crushed, but the test was solved before I could take action.

"Alright then," I whispered to myself as she entered the elevator. "Next test chamber is the last one."

I didn't know why, but scattered bits of a song I could barely remember drifted through my head, even though I tried my hardest to snuff them out:

 _It's just a test, not a game_

 _But I fear you've reached the end_

 _I'm told to kill you_

 _Though you were my only—_

"This," I said slowly, just to taste the words, "is the part where I kill them."

* * *

 **A/N: Hey, I'm back! Did you miss me? Aren't you glad that I didn't leave with this chapter hanging for over a week? I'm not a monster.**

 **Anyway, I'm back to my schedule of posting a chapter a week. I have two more chapters in this story, so it should be done soon. Hopefully I won't get sudden serious writer's block (it shouldn't happen. I've got the story planned out pretty well) or just give up the will to write (that sometimes happens).**

 **Just in case anyone out there is thinking it: I do not own the Princess Bride, Assassin's Creed, Portal or Portal 2, or the song Black Holes. I just make lots of references to each of these because I'm a geek and I love to flaunt my knowledge through my geeky characters.**

 **As always, please comment, follow, favorite, or PM. I'd love to hear from you.**


	9. Chapter 9: The Part Where I Kill Them

**Chapter Nine**

 **The Part Where I Kill Them**

 **(This is That Part)**

 **(Sort Of)**

"Finish up this test chamber, then on to the big surprise," I told them, barely able to keep still from the anticipation. This was the way the game was supposed to go, right? I was supposed to kill them, yeah?

Yeah, of course!

I mean, that's definitely what I wanted to do, now. Not kill as in _murder_ , exactly. No, that was too strong a phrase for it. It was just a bonus test for them. See how well they can avoid the mashy spike plates when trapped on a metal platform over a bottomless pit with no way out. Simple, yet clever.

Plus, even better than the trap itself was the twist beginning, just to lend an element of surprise to the whole thing. A fake Aerial Faith Plate to launch Lauren sideways through the wall and into the trap.

Let me just say: she fell for it beautifully. "Surprise!" I shouted. "We're doing it now!" I glanced at her face as she bounced sideways and almost started laughing at the look of sheer shock it held.

"You've probably figured out by this point that I don't need you anymore," I continued as she bounced into the excursion funnel and began to drift along. "I found two little robots back here built specifically for testing. Who'd have thought, right?"

With a final slap on the behind from a shield panel with an Aerial Faith Plate behind it, Lauren sailed into my trap. I mentally ticked off the list. Mashy spike plates? Check. Deadly pit? Check. Lots of monitors so they could see me? Checkity check check. Surprised and startled test subject? Yup. Got her. Potato on a portal gun? Got that, too.

Foolproof. Absolutely foolproof.

"Hello!" I grinned as they landed. I spread my arms out wide as if giving them a great present. "This is the part where I kill you!"

Lauren's head bobbed around, obviously looking for a way out. She needn't have bothered. I had made sure that all portable panels were safely out of reach. All that was near were my spike plates.

"I'm sure you've noticed my mashy spike plates," I said, waving in their general direction. "Made 'em myself, all my original idea. I have some other ideas for mashy spike plate version 2.0, but it's still a work in progress. Don't judge me yet."

 _She couldn't get out,_ I thought gleefully as she skittered back and forth on her little metal platform.

"No need looking that way," I added as Lauren glanced back woefully at the way she had come from. "Nothing back that way. What's there? Nothing. Nothing at all. Do you think you can get out of here? I'll give you a hint: you can't. Not much of a hint so much as a straight up answer. You can't get out of here. It's impossible. Face it. I've got you, my pretty, and your little potato friend, too."

"Hold on," GLaDOS rudely interrupted. "Couldn't we just use that conversion gel?"

"Uh… what?" I asked, peering about the room. What conversion gel? And what color was conversion gel, again? Was that the blue one, or…

"Conversion gel," she repeated. "It's dripping out of that pipe, there."

Uh-oh. Wasn't conversion gel portalable?

"No," I countered with relief. She was bluffing. Of course she was bluffing. She was lying to keep me agitated. "I don't think it is. I think you're wrong."

But Lauren lifted her portal gun and shot right underneath my monitor where I couldn't see. _Why didn't I have a camera installed there?_ I wondered. She shot again and a large glob of white gel shot toward her, splashing the platform and soaking her up to her waist. It rolled in beads off her jumpsuit.

"No! Nonononono!" I shouted at her. I dodged to the side and whispered, "Start the spike plates – _start the spike plates_!"

But before they crashed together, Lauren shot a portal at her feet and dropped through.

"Where'd you go?" I yelled in undeniable panic over the crash of the mashies. "Come back, come back!"

But she didn't. I didn't know where she was, but she didn't come back. "No, seriously, do come back, please," I begged. "I've decided I'm not going to kill you if you come back. Scout's honor and all that. Any promise you like. It was just a test, you know. And guess what? You passed!"

I tried to pinpoint her position. Nope. She was still getting farther away.

"You used to do what I asked," I pointed out. "You trusted me, then. What happened, eh? What happened to that trust?"

She was being stupid. She could be abnormally stupid when she wanted to. Like that time I told her not to go near that podium with the portal gun not on it and she went anyway. That was dumb. She was being just as idiotic now.

"You're not coming back, are you?" I asked dejectedly after a moment of quiet. "Hmm. Well, then."

 _Tell me where she is,_ I whispered to the panels. Panels didn't have sentience, per se, but they did have little intelligences that responded to the system. Mostly everything in Aperture did. The cubes, the panels, the systems. As Lauren ran past the panels they whispered to me one after another, creating a ripple effect.

 _She's here._

 _She's here._

 _She's here._

Ooh. She was going to pass that mashy spike plate, was she? The hidden one behind the wall? Well, I would show her.

CRASH!

"Yes!" I shouted, leaping up and pumping a fist in the air. "In your face! I got—"

A turret-box. Only a turret-box that happened to be in the way.

"Oh," I said dully. "I missed you, didn't I?"

Nobody answered, unsurprisingly. Why didn't she have the decency to stay still and get smashed? It was general manners. Everybody knew that.

She was driving me insane. Nothing I did seemed to make an impact. Not turrets (why were the rotten ones left in the tubes?) not spinny blade walls (yeah, I should have taken out the walkway beneath it first). Not even the mashy spike plate! All that did was destroy an already crumbling part of the facility and allow her to disappear YET AGAIN.

I threw myself backward with a growl of agitation, clutching at my hair as if by making myself bald I could fix the problem. That test subject. That rotten, mangy, tricky little test subject. What was her name again? Bah, who cared. She was just The Test Subject. The one who had killed GLaDOS with her own rocket turret, the one who had singlehandedly destroyed the mighty. And the one who just happened to be coming straight towards me. I figured she probably wouldn't want to just talk it out. Oh, no. She wanted to do it the hard way.

Brilliant.

Just… yeah. Just brilliant.

I looked through the tapes of the Test Subject killing GLaDOS on fast-forward, trying to figure out what a better method would be. Well, something to block the rockets would help. And why rockets, come to think of it? Why not bombs?

And portal surfaces. GLaDOS had had far too many portal surfaces scattered all around the chamber, practically surrounding herself with them. No wonder she had gotten killed!

And she said I was the moron.

The Test Subject appeared again and I offered her the option to run into a crusher that just happened to be conveniently nearby. "Not a death trap," I clarified as she stared up at me. "More of a death option. Just 'cause what I'm planning for you… will not be this quick. Okay? Just want to tell you that. When you get to my lair, death will not be an option. You will not choose the manner in which you die. I will kill you… and it will not be fast. So, this way, you can—"

She threw a bomb at my monitor. I really hated it when she did that.

"I'm assuming that's your answer," I said, "and that it's a no. Fine. Fair enough. You've been properly warned. Just keep going the way you're going, and… yeah. May the best man win. I'm the only man here, by the way. So I'm winning by default. Loser."

With that snide comment, I settled back again and surveyed my surroundings. Yeah, it was a little broken down here in my lair, but that just added to the unnerving, chaotic atmosphere that would drive the Subject crazy.

I could see it all so clearly. She would arrive, I would say something bold and clever (I hadn't figured out what, yet), I would shoot a few bombs off poorly, just to give her a sense of security, and then I would shoot them with deadly accuracy. She would die, and…

Wait, rewind. _Die?_

I thought it over in my mind. Yes. That was right. She would die. That's what I wanted, right?

Right.

Then why the twisting in my gut? Why that sense of unease?

I hated that feeling. I pushed it far, far back into the depths of my mind where it couldn't bother me. All I had to know was that everything would be better once I disposed of the Test Subject. Then I could go on testing with Atlas and P-Body, maybe torture GLaDOS a bit for old time's sake, and live forever. That's what I wanted, right?

Of course it was.

Until then, all I had to do was wait. I kept tabs on them, of course, tracking their progress. I settled myself into an intimidating sitting position with cool underlighting, folding the bomb-proof shields beneath me like a ruffled hand of cards. I steepled my fingers, resting my elbows on my knees, staring fixedly at that one spot on the floor I was sure they would come up out of.

They didn't. They came out of a different one, GLaDOS stuck to the socket inside the lift. I tried not to act surprised and incorporated it into my plan, turning slowly toward them and saying grandly, "Well, well, well. Welcome… to my lair."

I used a vocal setting to make my voice boom and echo on that last word. It was a good effect. I would have to remember that.

"Let me just flag something up for you," I continued, unlocking my legs and waving a hand at the monitor up above, "according to that control panel light up there, we have about six minutes until the entire facility explodes. I'm pretty sure it's a trouble with the lights, but just in case it isn't, I am going to have to kill you as discussed earlier."

The Test Subject was circling around me. I felt like she was trying to communicate something, but I ignored her. She was supposed to be paying attention to me, not the other way around. That was what had gone wrong with our relationship in the first place: bad communication.

"So, let's call that three minutes with a minute break in between, then two more minutes to figure out what's starting all the fires. So, that's the itinerary right there. For you."

I took a moment to think. "Um… anything else? Anything else? Oh, yes! I just wanted to say that I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this: one, no portal surfaces."

I waved my hand at the walls, upon which not a speck of white showed.

"Two, start the neurotoxin immediately."

I snapped my fingers and the toxins began to pump out of the walls, filling the room with their sour scent. The Test Subject shied away from the vents.

"Three, bomb-proof shields for me, which leads directly to number four: bombs for throwing at you."

I flexed the shields, which sprouted above my head and drooped down almost to the floor. I clacked them together and grinned at the Subject, feeling invulnerable.

"I am feeling really good about this plan," I confided. "I'm feeling so good about this particular plan that I'm going to give you a sporting chance and turn off the neurotoxin! I'm joking, by the way. Goodbye."

And with that, the first bomb dropped from a nearby chute into my hand. I wound up and launched it at the Subject, just near enough that she would feel the heat but it wouldn't seriously hurt. I had about five minutes and thirty seconds left. I had enough time to have a little fun.

"Where're you going?" I cooed as the Subject began to jog around. "Why're you running? The more you run around, the more neurotoxin you'll inhale. It's devilish, this stuff. I don't know why I didn't think to use it earlier."

Three more bombs. Why did they always come in threes?

"You should really stay still, honestly. You know why? One, bombs are by far the quicker way to die. Far faster than the neurotoxin. Two, if you die quickly, I'll have more time to fix the facility. No need to be selfish, you're going to die anyway. Might as well die making me happy, right?"

It was pathetic how she darted around, head twitching to either side, scoping out opportunities that weren't even there.

"Oh, did you bring your little portal gun?" I added. "Might as well ditch it. It's just dead weight. Ten pounds of dead weight that you're carrying around, because there's nothing to portal onto."

Did she really think she could hide from me behind that pipe, there? Sure, the thick white liquid inside helped to obscure her, but I had seen her go in. She couldn't hide herself from me.

"Got you," I whispered and chucked the bomb.

Wait. Thick white liquid?

Oops.

I yelped as the pipe burst, shielding myself from the goop with my bomb-proof panels as it spattered everywhere. The goo slid off the shields onto the floor beneath me, further coating the ground.

"I wasn't screaming," I informed the girl. "That was just my impression of you screaming… because… um… because you just fell into my trap! My brilliant trap!"

 _More bombs_ , I commanded, and continued to chuck them in her direction.

"Why do you think I put that tube there if not for you to break? Knowing that I did that on purpose, you probably won't even use the gel," I added hopefully. "Curses, foiled again! You know, it would make me really angry if you don't use those portal surfaces."

She did use the portal surfaces, though. She shot the walls with her portals, even though it wouldn't do anything. For some reason, that infuriated me. She was always doing things the hardest way, never making it quick and easy. Now she was shooting needless portals. Stupid.

"Oh, I was just remembering back when we were first together, trying to escape, and I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I would die or not when I did." I aimed my words carefully, trying to distract, to wound. "Remember that? I told you to catch me, but you didn't even try. Do you remember that? I do. I remember that all the time. And that time with my flashlight. I said I could die then, too, but you didn't try and stop me. Do you know how that makes me feel? Well, it makes me feel like chucking bombs at you, if I'm honest. That's how it makes me feel."

Finally, she was standing still, staring at me with that idiotic clenched-jaw expression on her face. I took advantage of the opportunity and launched a bomb toward her. As soon as it was out of my hand, she stepped aside and shot a portal at the ground.

 _Where's the other one?_ I thought vaguely.

Remember that joke that goes 'I wondered why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me'? It was almost exactly like that, except that instead of a ball, it was a bomb.

My bomb.

The system recoiled as it exploded in my face. I could feel my systems pumping overtime to fix the various malfunctions, breaks, and leakages caused by the explosion. I was in pain, unable to move. The system forced me to black out for a few seconds just so it could fix the problem.

 _Coolant Fluid Sac rupture. Mending_ , sang my system in a voice that sounded suspiciously like the HEV suit voice from Half Life. _Stability Enhancer broken. Mending. Electronic Memory Processer damaged. Mending._

After about half a minute of these little messages, I felt something snap into place. It wasn't like any of the other little things the system was fixing in me. Those were little snaps. This was something big, a major connection.

Some new development.

 _Vent system compromised. Neurotoxin offline. Reactor explosion in four minutes._

"Aggh," I groaned, holding my head for fear it would fall off. "What did you do? What happened? What- what've you put onto me?" I twisted around, trying to figure out what was new. It was a strange sensation, and not entirely unpleasant, but if the Subject had done it, it couldn't be good.

Then the bombs began to fall out of the chute quicker than ever. Whatever she had done, it had broken the bomb dispenser. It was stuck on. I raised the shields and proceeded to hurl them at her.

When I had dealt with that problem, I had a split second to listen to my inner workings and figure out what the new thing was. The buzzing in the background of my head adjusted and I realized that it was a voice talking in a rapid, unceasing babble.

"Space. Where we going? Where we going? Where we going? We going to space. Ba-ba-ba-ba. Space."

 _Generating an endless stream of terrible ideas._

"Oh," I groaned. "It's a core you stuck on me."

Now I could see it, if I twisted far enough. The female android stuck into a socket on the system, the infrequent light bathing her face in mad flashes. Her blond hair swung haphazardly as she twisted around, spurting space terms. I knew her, right? Yeah. I just couldn't remember her name right now. Well, whatever her name was, I didn't want her _on_ me. Not while I was working.

"Who told you to do that?" I probed the Test Subject. "Was it her? Was it GLaDOS? It's just making me stronger, you know. It's a fool's errand."

Now I was aiming to injure her. It was unfortunate that she was so fast. Why couldn't she slow down, just long enough for me to nail her?

"You think you're hurting me?" I spat. "You're not hurting me. I'm so strong, nothing can hurt me!"

An outrageous lie, but I didn't care.

"All I wanted was to make everything better for me," I cried, hurling another bomb in her direction. It sailed through her portals, but hit against my shields. "You couldn't even let me have that, could you? It had to be all about you, didn't it? You were the one who wanted to escape. You were the one who wanted to get out. Well, what about me, then?" I screamed at her, throwing the bombs as hard as I could. "What about what I wanted? Do you know what I went through trying to get you out? Do you know how it tortured me?"

I could remember being very upset about something as she performed those easy tests for GLaDOS. I had been disturbed by something. A choice I had to make. What was it? No, it didn't matter what it was, I could try and remember later.

"And then I got plugged in. Finally, a good thing for me, but you couldn't be happy for me. You had to find the dark cloud behind that beautiful silver lining, didn't you? Don't you realize how much that—"

Another bomb to the face. Brilliant.

 _Reactor explosion uncertainty protocol initiated. This facility will self-destruct in two minutes._

My systems fixed themselves and I felt another core snap onto me. Another voice added to the mix in my brain. It was getting harder to concentrate.

"Enough!" I shouted as soon as I was able. "I told you not to put these cores on me, but you never listen, do you?"

 _I want to hurt you._

 _I want to HURT you._

"You're always judging me, all the time, aren't you? Silently judging. The worst kind. All the time I was trying to help you, all you could think was 'oh, look at how stupid he's being', or 'oh, he woke up the monster'. Isn't that right? It's not like I had a choice!"

She kept wiping at her face. Why was she doing that? Was the neurotoxin making her eyes water?

"Stars. Mars. Jupiter. The big dipper. Ooh, the big dipper."

"That's right, little lady. We're wearing him down, aren't we? Just keep doing what you're doing. That's right."

"You know what I think of you?" I howled at the figure dancing around down below. "I'll tell you what I think of you. I despise you! I loathe you, you _arrogant_ , smugly quiet, _awful_ jumpsuited _monster_ of a girl! It's no wonder everybody hates you! It's no wonder you've got no friends! It's no wonder _I_ hate you!"

The Subject's turned towards me, her mouth opened as if she was screaming although I could hear no sound. Yes, her eyes were watering, gleaming in the light of the fire that was surrounding the room. (Wait, what? Fire?) But she was still enough that I could take a clear shot. She shot another portal and it hit me in the head.

Seriously, I would have to use another method.

 _Mending._

 _Mending._

 _Mending._

Another hitch as a third core was placed in my system. Now there was a deafening cacophony of voices in here. Cries of, "Spaaaace!" and exclamations of "Adventure awaits!" were suddenly joined by a third voice, spouting bad facts.

The group was all back together. How nice.

I groaned as everything booted back up. My skin was sizzling hot. My connections had never seemed less secure or as uncomfortable as they did now. The little interlocking metal clasps that attached me to the system burned and chafed.

"Warning," blared the announcer. "Core corruption is at 100%."

The elevator came back up, bringing GLaDOS the potato into the room. I glared at her, rubbing the back of my neck. My systems were still reconfiguring. I didn't have enough power to make her explode, but I could imagine it quite easily. I wished I could make it happen.

"Manual core replacement required."

They wanted a core replacement, I realized. "Ohh," I said out loud. "I see."

Why not another trap, then? Bombs behind the button. Easily done. They'd never see it coming.

"Corrupted core," the announcer interrupted, "are you ready to start?"

"What do you think?" I snapped, crossing my arms.

"Interpreting vague answer as yes."

"No!" I yelped, waving my arms in a halting motion. "No no no no no! Stop! It was sarcasm!"

"Stalemate detected," the announcer said mildly.

Just then there was another explosion. The Test Subject winced. So did I, although I didn't let it show outwardly. _How was I going to fix this place?_

"Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex," said the announcer. "Extinguishing."

I heard the system pinging as the sprinklers came on, bathing everything in a layer of fire extinguisher fluid. Even this little action was taxing on my mainframe. I could feel the corruption from the other cores battling with my senses, but I was determined not to give in.

The gels on the floor began to waver, then to wash away. "Oh, that just washes right off, does it?" I growled grumpily, kicking at the one large white spot that was left beneath me. My toes didn't reach the ground, but I flailed irritably at it, anyway. "That would have been nice to know a little earlier."

"Stalemate Resolution Associate, please press the Stalemate Resolution Button."

"Go press the button!" the potato piped up. "Go press it!"

"No, do not press that button!" I shouted as she headed towards the annex. Secretly, though, I urged her on. _Yes, DO press that button. Go get blown up to smithereens. See what I care._

Eventually she saw the portal surface above the button and shot a portal beneath me to get through. I tightened my fist as she ran at me and just caught a glimpse of clenched teeth and an awful glare as she dove through. My insides whirred in anticipation.

Yes. Oh, yes. Here it was.

She dropped into the room, stretching out a hand for the button. I let down the barrier. The bombs detonated.

Wow, what a blast! The Test Subject flew out of the room, breaking through the wire grate that separated us, tumbling and rolling on the floor back towards me, finally coming to a halt a few steps away. I could feel the pinprick of GLaDOS' horror through our connected system, but it was swamped by my own victory.

"Yes!" I yelled. "Yes, YES! Step five: booby trap the stalemate button!"

I laughed, throwing my head back, my hands on my hips. I had done it! Tiny little Wheatley had done this! Not so tiny, now, eh? I had—

My attention shifts really quickly. I usually hate it when it does that, but in this instance it might have saved my life. Because down on the floor in the midst of the debris from the ceiling was a little white fleck. I zoomed on it, my interest piqued. No, I didn't have all the time in the world, but I was curious as a cat about this object. It was a piece of paper, I realized. Just a piece of paper. But before I could turn back to the Test Subject, the words on the paper caught me and I read them.

 _Lauren is your sister._

I read those words through once, twice, then three times before it suddenly hit and I dropped to the floor with a moan.

Lauren.

Over there. Not Test Subject. Lauren.

 _My sister._

It was the note Kay had told me to write for myself, the one I had stuck on the wall and forgotten about, just like I had forgotten about everything else when the madness struck. But now the insanity had ebbed, and all that was left was horror, an exploding facility, guilt, and my sister lying on the floor, moving ever so slightly, letting me know that there was still a spark of hope left.

"You had to play cat and mouse while people were trying to work, didn't you?"

I talked without knowing what I was saying. The words came just as harshly as before, but there was a quaver in my tone. I didn't mean the words.

"Now we're all going to bloody die."

I didn't want to play Wheatley anymore. I just wanted Lauren to get up.

 _Please, Lauren. Get up._

She rolled over, tucked the portal gun to her chest. Oh, my breaking heart. She was crying. She was dying.

She had given up.

Chell had never given up. She had kept going, no matter what. But the same moment Wheatley's influence had faded, so had Chell's. Lauren lay flat on her back, eyes closing, knees pulled up to her belly, trembling like a child.

"No," I whispered to myself. Then louder, "No, look at your precious human moon! It cannot help you now, can it? No, not it. No, seriously, Lauren! Look! LOOK AT THE MOON!"

Desperation, pure desperation was in my tone, and that must have been what made Lauren look up. Her eyes were glazed. I wasn't sure if she truly saw me. Her head swayed and she tipped it backward to stare at that gap in the ceiling through which that silver orb shone.

GLaDOS was gone. The voices screaming in my head were gone. The corruption was forgotten. Even I was gone. All that was left was Lauren, her portal gun, and that beautiful moon. And hope. Those were the four things left.

Lauren stretched out the portal gun with one hand. Even this small effort pained her, I could tell. As she shot, her arm lurched backward into the ground. Like in the game, everything went still. So quiet you could hear a pin drop. So quiet that the portal beneath me opening was like an explosion.

Looking down was a mistake. The orange portal below me framed the infinite nothingness beneath and the vacuum dragged at my feet. The connections and wires that secured me to the system were peeling off. The ones on my arms let go completely and I dangled, connected only by my legs. I was almost lost completely as Rick flew out of the portal, and then nearly brained by the portal gun as it sped past. By twisting my head I could see Lauren approaching, skidding across the floor. I grabbed for her hands and we were both pulled out together.

"Space!" I exclaimed in sync with Kay's cry in my head.

The pull was awful. I was slipping. Lauren was slipping. She would die on the surface of the moon!

"Hold on!" I shouted. "We're in space!"

"Space?" I could feel another core disconnecting. Kay sped past me. I could feel her press up against me as she flew past. "Space! Spaaaaace!"

Lauren's hand lost its grip and we held onto each other with only one hand. I felt a surge of panic as I flailed for her hand. My mind screamed to let her go. Wheatley commanded that I release my grip. But no. I would not lose her. Not now. Not when we had come so far.

Her face was pale, stretched by the sucking air. Her eyes were almost squeezed shut. I grabbed her wrist again, holding on for dear life. For both our dear lives.

"Just a little longer," I said for both of us. "Trust me. Just a few more seconds, then this will all be fixed."

"I already fixed it," said GLaDOS' voice from behind me. I could feel her hooking up to the system, our minds temporarily sharing the same shell. "And you are _not_ coming back."

"Hold onto me," I hissed, my voice almost lost in the tumult. Wheatley and I were completely in agreement, now. "Just a few more seconds. It's going to be alright, Lauren. Just a few—"

My final connections were lost. With all the presence of mind I had left, I thrust Lauren back toward the portal. Our hands disconnected and I was swept out to space with the air from the facility. I didn't yell _"grab me grab me grab me"_ like Wheatley did, but I closed my eyes, gritted my teeth together, and then screamed all my torment out to the wind.

It was a nightmare of motion and noise. There were no rails, nothing to hold onto. My arms and legs were forever trying to escape from my body. All I could once have done was lost. The system was gone. All my power was gone with it.

I had nothing.

A hand grasped my arm and I was gently brought to a stop. The rush of air had stopped and everything was quiet. I opened my eyes, wondering dizzily if GLaDOS had made a mistake and saved me as well. But no. It was a hand that held me steady, a beaming smile that illuminated the surrounding darkness.

"Hey," Kay whispered, her hair floating like an angelic halo around her face. "We're in space."

I chuckled a little bit, patted her hand. "Yes, you're right, Kay," I answered, and my voice was raw. I held both her hands, unwilling to let go lest she would float away.

"You're right," I said again. "We're both in space."

* * *

 **A/N: Whew! Almost done, you guys! One more chapter!**

 **I don't think I used anything in this that I haven't already used in previous chapters, so just to recap, I DON'T OWN ANY OF THIS. (Just in case you think I do.)**

 **Whew.**

 **Until next week, guys. I'll finish it up then!**


	10. Chapter 10: After the Credits

**A/N: Well, here it is. The final chapter. I honestly had a lot of fun writing this story, guys, and I hope you had fun reading it as well. I'm gunna take a little break from writing fanfiction (or at least, that's the plan. Who knows what will actually happen) but that doesn't mean I don't still want to read it. If you're writing a Portal fanfiction, I'd love to read it. Write on, fellow writers!**

 **I own none of the fandoms mentioned in any of the chapters. Just want to point that out. NONE OF THEM.**

 **Okay, I'll stop gabbing, now. Enjoy the final chapter.**

* * *

 **Chapter Ten**

 **After the Credits**

Space, says the magnificent book Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, is big.

Boy howdy, they weren't kidding. The infinity of space stretched away in all directions. No longer was there any sense of up and down. There was not a breath of wind, nothing to be felt except for heat and cold, both in the extreme, both regulated by our systems. The stars were little points of light in an all-encompassing curtain of darkness. It was quite beautiful.

At least, it was beautiful for the first five minutes or so. After that it became incredibly dull. There was the moon over there, the earth in the distance, and Kay beside me, not to mention a splendid collection of Aperture rubbish floating around, but other than that there was nothing. Everything else was too far away, just sparkles in the universe. Even Rick was too far away. I couldn't contact him on my radio. He had been swept in a completely opposite direction than us.

Kay didn't seem to share my boredom. To her, space was just as novel in the first hour as it was in the fifth, the sixth, the seventh, the twelfth, and the fifteenth.

Or something like that. I couldn't really keep count of how long we stayed out there.

No matter. Suffice to say it was – as Wheatley states in Blue Sky – a bloody age to stay stuck out in the middle of literally nowhere with a companion whose only ability is to enthuse about space and with nothing to do but poke at the bits of Aperture rubbish that just happens to be close enough for you to whack at it.

Thankfully, I was still Wheatley, more or less, and he was a talker. Even more thankfully, Kay didn't pay much attention to me, so I was free to ramble on about anything that I liked.

"I hope this is the end," I mentioned, lounging back on nothing with my hands behind my head. "I really hope you were right about the whole 'we'll get to the end and be out of here' thing, because I would be most displeased if you were wrong. To put it lightly. If we started all the way at the beginning again…" I took a moment to contemplate this, then shook it off. "Well, anyway. Suffice to say that it wouldn't be pleasant, alright? Not nice for anybody."

"I'm in space. Oh-oh-oh-ooooohhhhhh. Space," babbled Kay happily, trying to catch a far-off star.

"But really, I'm not sure what else could happen," I continued. "Yes, maybe we could start over, and maybe we could be released. But… but what if there's a whole other option? What if we get sucked into one of those fanfictions that happens after Portal 2?"

I stared at Kay, who was flipped upside down. Or maybe it was me who was upside down. Who knew? "Kay? What if we get put into Blue Sky and we have to finish that one to get out? Oh, ew." I wrinkled my nose. "Oh, I forgot that one's a Chell-n-Wheatley sort of story. Yeah, no, that wouldn't work. Plus, you'd get smashed right at the very beginning, so forget about that."

"I'm in space. I'm in space. Hey, hey, you wanna see me? Gotta buy a telescope. Wanna see me? Gotta buy a telescope. 'Cause I'm in space!"

So, that's how it went for a while. Me talking and Kay gabbing back. Every so often I would grab her leg or her arm to keep her from drifting off or to flip her right side up or to get her attention and she would stare at me with those wide, blank eyes of hers and grin a dull, happy grin. Sometimes she would tug on my shirt sleeve and point out a planet off in the distance. Other than those two occasions, she didn't seem to notice me. Her gaze was full of wonder, her head far, far above the clouds. It was a bit sad to see her like this, but I was glad to see her happy.

After an hour or so of drifting, I started singing all the portal related songs I knew. Fortunately, I had built up a pretty good arsenal, so I spent a hefty two hours singing portal songs and keeping up a running commentary about my favorite fan-made videos. After I had gone through all the Geekenders songs, I moved on to Harry Callaghan songs, working my way through his Nightmare Before Christmas Portal remakes. It went on pretty well until I got halfway through 'If I Were a Core' and sang:

 _It's a little too late for you to come back_

 _Say it's just a mistake_

 _Think she'd forgive you like that?_

 _If you thought she would let you back in_

 _You thought wrong…_

My voice petered out and I bit the inside of my cheek, looking down (up?) at my feet. "Do you think she'll forgive me?" I asked Kay softly.

"Space. I'm in space," she answered, wiggling her fingers in front of her nose.

"Not GLaDOS, I mean. I don't care beans about her. I meant Lauren," I clarified, hitching my knees up to my chest and resting my chin on them. "I did some pretty terrible things to her. Even when I was trying to be nice-ish I was still being really mean. Do you… do you think she'll forgive me if I asked her really nicely?"

"Saturn. Rings of Saturn. I'm in space."

"I mean… I wasn't myself," I mulled. "I was very obviously not myself. She would've caught onto that if she was paying attention at all, but it's really no excuse, is it? No, not a good excuse at all after I did all that to her. Tested her… tried to mashy spike plate her… tried to… oh my- I tried to kill her!" I covered my face with my hands. "I tried to _murder_ her – I honestly did! Oh, man!" I slumped over as best as I could, lightly bonking my head into my knees. "What kind of a brother does that?"

I could see Lauren shunning me. I could see it so clearly when I closed my eyes. I would wake up and she'd be beside me, crying. I would try and touch her shoulder and she would flinch, knocking my hand aside, scrambling to get away from me, screaming in anger and fear at the brother who betrayed her. Even the fantasy thought was painful.

Then again, there was another scenario. Just one other that was a bit better. I wished for that one more than anything else.

One thing was certain: I wasn't going to be let off with just a pat on the back. Lauren wasn't going to simply say, "Oh, yeah, we're all good. No problem," and walk away with a smile. What I had done was too horrific for that. I didn't even want to be let off so easily for my crimes. I would be worried if I was.

Kay tapped my shoulder repeatedly until I looked up. "Hey. Hey. Hey." She spread an arm out and pointed at the vast expanse before us. "Space!" she cried.

I laughed and stretched my legs out again, twirling Kay around like a ballerina. She giggled like a little girl. "Yes," I agreed. "That is definitely space out there. And there. And there. And look! Over there as well! There is space all around us!"

Kay, like the announcer, did not pick up on my sarcasm. She just giggled again and whispered, "Space," under her breath.

"At least I'll still have you," I said, holding onto the back of her belt so she wouldn't drift too far. "Even if Lauren shuns me, you'll still be around. Provided I can find you, of course. I hope I can. I wish I knew what area of the world you live in! I wish I knew if we even spoke the same language!" I sighed. "It would make things a whole lot easier."

"Comets. Meteors. Meteor shower."

She wasn't paying attention to me. I let my words drift softer, slower now. More to myself even though I still spoke to her. "I was never really good with girls. Went on a few dates, but I always wrecked them by talking about… headcrabs or something. Something would come up, I'd act like a weirdo and scare her off. But not you, though."

I looked up at her face. Her eyes were constantly roving, playing connect-the-dots with the stars. "You wouldn't freak out if I mentioned headcrabs, would you? You might even enjoy it if I did."

"Orion. Cygnus. Scorpio. Leo," she mumbled under her breath.

"If… I found you…" I said even more slowly, "…maybe I could ask you out. Maybe you'd say yes. How about it, Kay? Would you say yes?"

"North star!"

"I know a little café in the north side of town," I added, staring off into the distance. "Or how about the little ice cream shop down the road? Either one. We could just sit there… and talk… and you'd know your real name at that point, and you could tell me all about who you really are. And- and if that goes well, maybe I'd take you to a movie sometime! Don't know if you like superhero movies, but Marvel's been pumping out some good ones lately. Maybe I could take you to one of those, eh? Would you like that?"

Her head was cocked as if she was listening, even though she was turned away. My hand strayed from her belt and up to her shoulder. My other hand rested on her waist.

"And if that went well," I continued, my voice even lower, "and I'm not saying that it will, I'm just saying that it might, but if it does go well… well then… maybe we could have a night at my place. I'd send out for pizza and we'd huddle down on the couch. Huddle, not cuddle, unless… you know. Un- unless you'd want to. Um… anyway. So, pizza and maybe some sodas, and then we'd binge-watch Doctor Who. Or play videogames. Something cooperative. Or singleplayer and we'll pass the remote back and forth. Probably not Portal, though. We'll be sick of Portal once we get out."

Kay twisted to face me, and suddenly both my hands were on her waist. Her arms were at her sides and she stared dully over my shoulder. The tip of her floating golden hair tickled my cheek. She didn't look at my eyes, but her left hand came to rest on my arm. It was almost as if we were dancing.

"Would you like that, luv?" I asked, my question barely audible, now. "Would you like to go out with me?"

For a moment it seemed as if she was listening, as if she was thinking about my proposition very solemnly. Then her eyes widened, she looked excited, pointed into the distance, and screamed, "Spaaaace!"

I laughed, amused but somewhat disappointed. "Yes, you're right," I repeated, twirling her again. "Space is over there, too."

The next few hours were dull and not much happened. More of the same, really. The landscape didn't change except when I whacked at floating debris. It was so dull, I was about to consider going into sleep mode. I didn't, thankfully, because something eventually happened.

It was subtle at first. So subtle it took me a while to figure out what it was. I cocked my head and listened intently, but yes. There it was.

"Is that… music?" I asked in wonder. I began scanning about. "Where is that coming from?"

A broken monitor drifted over, flipping slowly. I began to laugh. "Ohh. Look at that, Kay! GLaDOS' credit song!"

Now it was close enough, the words came clearly, singing through the speakers on the monitor:

 _You want your freedom? Take it._

 _That's what I'm counting on_

 _I used to want you dead but_

 _Now I only want you gone._

"I didn't think it would show up all the way up here," I laughed again, grabbing Kay by the waist so that she squealed, "Space cops!"

"Come on, Kay," I grinned. "Dance with me."

I tried to do the dance steps in mid-space, which must have looked pretty silly, but I didn't care. I sang along with the lyrics and Kay interjected every so often with shouts of "Space!" It sounded a bit like:

 _Go make some new_ (Space!) _disaster_

(Space!)

 _That's what I'm counting on_

(Space… ooh, space.)

 _You're someone_ (Space!) _else's problem_

 _Now_ (Space) _I only want_ (Ooh, ooh, space) _you gone_

 _Now I only_ (Space?) _want you gone_

 _Now I only want you_

 _Gone…_

I had let go of Kay during those last few lines and she spiraled away, going into a small orbit around me. The monitor flipped aside. I steadied myself. This was the true finale.

"I'm in space. Need to see it all," Kay whimpered.

Now it was my turn.

"I wish I could take it all back," I started slowly. "I honestly do. I really do wish I could take it all back. All the parts where I was mean. Everything cruel I did. All of it. And not just because I'm stranded in space."

"I'm in space," Kay informed the universe.

"I know you are, luv," I smiled. "Yep. We're both in space."

"SPAAAACE!" she yelled, cupping her hands around her mouth, which was unnecessary because we were both using our inset radios to communicate since in space nobody can hear you scream.

"Anyway," I continued. "You know, if Lauren was listening to me right now at this moment, you know what I'd tell her?"

"I'm in space."

"I'd say… I'm sorry." My mind grappled with a better way to say this, but failed. "Sincerely. I'd say I'm sorry about everything I did to her, down to the last insult. Down to the last test. Nothing can undo what I've done to her. When that button was pressed, I knew it would end me up here. I just wish it didn't have to play through like it did. I was bossy… and monstrous… and… so much worse. And all I can say is – and I say this from the bottom of my heart…"

I looked up at the space before me as if an invisible camera could capture my image.

"…I am genuinely sorry."

"I'm in space," muttered Kay. I looked straight at her as I said the two final words of the game:

"The end."

All the stars went out. Kay disappeared. My soul slipped out of my body and was forcibly put in the In-Between.

Kay had told me about it, but nothing she or any of the others could have said would have prepared me for this. Such a wrenching sensation. Such terror – the horror of being nothing. It was like a 3D person being squeezed into a 2D universe. Or maybe a 4D universe.

There was such a sense of loneliness as the entire game collapsed around me, being forced into the same area I was occupying. I could feel GLaDOS' mind for a moment – cold and calculating – before it was extinguished. I could feel the others, Dan and Rick and even Lauren, once, but they whirled away before I could make any sort of contact.

It was like sliding through an infinite bag of marbles. Everything was motion, nothing was private. There was nothing to hold onto. I could feel myself being shredded, stripped of my mind, recreated. The Wheatley part of me screamed once and then was torn away. I could feel something plucking at me, tearing me into ribbons.

 _Make it stop, make it stop, MAKE IT STOP_ , screamed my mind.

There is no way to tell time in the In-Between, so I don't know how long this went on for. Worse than anything else was the thought: _I failed. I went through all of this, did everything humanly possible to finish the game, and I still failed._

But then something switched. Something felt different, although I couldn't pinpoint what. The humming buzz of thoughts all around me heightened in tune and I could feel excitement growing. I brushed past Rick's consciousness and heard him thinking in Russian. Dan's thoughts were all an excited babble. I could make nothing out.

But when Kay passed by, I could feel her thinking the words, _It worked. After all this time… it worked!_

She was swept away again, but the thought remained. A building hope budded in my chest. Could it be possible… could it have worked? Were we getting out? Were we going home?

Before I could answer this question, or any of the others that hammered at my brain, something shifted. I felt like liquid being sucked through a straw, like a helpless ant being flushed down the toilet. I would have closed my eyes if I had had eyes to close. I would have screamed, flailed, but I could not. All I could do was wait and hope.

And wait.

And hope.

And wait.

Then, suddenly, there was a dropping sensation. A lurch. A spinning, flickering, painful sort of light. And then—

* * *

I lay flat on my back on the floor, eyes closed. My glasses were crooked. I straightened them. My hand explored the carpet, feeling its every bump and curve.

Wait. Carpet? There were no carpets in Aperture.

I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling, sat upright, rubbing my arms. My house. My home was all around me! I patted down my arms, trying to decide if I was alright. Yes. I would go with true. Despite feeling a bit rattled, nothing was wrong with me. My skin was flesh again. I was back in my baggy brown hoodie.

Human again.

I glanced over at the computer, which stood as I had left it, the game on pause, the cheat screen open. I got to my feet, wobbling a little, and sat down at the chair, peering at the message that appeared on the cheat screen. Under the 'userabsorbance_player' cheat were several new messages that went:

 _userabsorbance_player activated_

 _commencing usermode_

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _usermode completed._

 _userabsorbance_player cheat not found._

I sighed and slumped in my chair. It was over. We had defeated it entirely. No more usermode. Nobody else would ever be trapped. We were back. I was John – myself – and Lauren was-

I rocketed upright, scanning the room. Where was Lauren? Had she gotten out alright? She wasn't still part of the game, was she?

Ah, there she was. Lauren sat on the couch in front of the tv. I could just barely see the tip of her head. As I came closer I could hear the sound of gentle sobbing. Lauren was crying, her head turned away from me, shoulders shaking.

I came close and sat beside her, tentatively putting my arm around her. She curled up into me, crying as if her heart was breaking. I rubbed her shoulder, trying to put into action everything words could not say. We were safe. We were together. We were sane. That was all that mattered, for now.

After a moment of non-verbal sibling communication, she thrust herself away from me, glaring balefully through her tears. "You jerk!" she screamed, hitting me in the arm. I didn't flinch, much. I deserved far worse. "You mean, inhuman, monstrous, murderous, horrible… jerk!" She hit me again and scootched as far away as possible, curling up into a ball. "I hate you!"

"I know, I know. I'm sorry." An American accent had never felt so strange on my tongue. "I hate me, too."

"You threw bombs at me!"

"I know."

"And tried to chop me up with whirling blades!"

"I know." I toyed with the edge of my shirt, feeling acutely aware of every painful memory.

"And punched me down into… do you have any idea what I went through?"

I couldn't look at her. Her words were harsh enough. How could I face her eyes? "I do. Yeah, I know what you went through."

She was sizing me up, measuring me with her eyes. Every second of silence that ticked by was like the pause before a slap. The silence before the storm.

"You knew what you were doing, right?" Lauren asked at last. I nodded tightly. Lauren rustled, pulling her legs up onto the couch beside her. "You meant to do all that?"

"Not all of it," I defended weakly. "There was a point where I just… couldn't stop."

"Why'd you start?"

I explained everything, starting at the beginning. I told her how I knew everything from the start, but the spoileritis kept me from telling. I said how Kay had warned me that the only way to get out was to stick to the game, and how I had almost failed when we got to the core transfer. I mentioned Kay's suggestion about acting, and how I had acted my way through the transfer, but how the game started to take me over when the Itch started. I tried to avoid the subject of the reward, but put special emphasis on just how badly the Itch had tormented me, how it had driven me to hurt her. I also admitted that it was me who did it all, that even if the Itch did drive me, I was the one who made the decisions. After I was done, I apologized again and sat back, ready to take my medicine.

Lauren, who had been silent the entire time I had spoken, hardly moved from her position. Her eyes were fixed on an invisible spot somewhere on the couch between us. They flicked as if she was reading and she chewed on her lower lip.

"Did I…" I started hesitantly when she didn't speak. "Did I… k- kill you? At all? When I tried? Did… did you die at all?"

Lauren nodded slowly, her eyes still glued to the same spot. "Yeah. I died a lot of times all the way through. With the GLaDOS chambers—" (She said this word slowly, but only, I realized, because I was the only one who had ever said it out loud to her. GLaDOS' name is never said out loud in either of the two games) "—I fell into the acid a few times and got shot by those white robots once or twice. Those healed quickly, though. I was better by the next level."

It was weird having her talk so matter-of-factly about dying. Even so, it was rather intriguing, all the same.

"With your chambers…" Lauren shrugged. "I dunno. About the same, I guess. Yours were less painful because they didn't have acid. Hers did. After you were trying to kill me…" Here I winced, "…I died a few more times. Falling, one of the robots got me once… yeah, mostly just that. You know what's really funny, though?" she added, looking up at me.

"Wh- what?" I asked.

"Sometimes when I died, I could hear you freaking out," she said. She had a tiny little grin on her face that made me feel chilled. It was a thoughtful grin, brows creased, as if trying to figure out a hidden meaning behind her own words. "I would fall and you would start screaming. You wouldn't stop, you'd be all like, "Lauren, no!", and then everything would go dark and I'd be on my feet and you'd be back to mean again." She gulped, but pressed on. "That's not the way it always went, you know. Sometimes – and sometimes it was even in the same level – I would die once and you'd be freaking out, but then I'd die another time and you'd be like, "Seriously? You had to die there?" It's like you had two different settings and you kept flipping between them."

"That's kind of what it felt like for me, too," I admitted.

"Hmm. Yeah." Lauren shifted and the springs in the couch made a funny noise.

"Could you hear what I said in space?" I asked.

Lauren's brows creased. "Like, when we were hanging out of the portal?"

"No. After that."

"No. What'd you say?"

"Just basically that I wish I could take it all back. I'm sorry that I tried to hurt you, I'm sorry for everything I did and everything I ever tried to do that was mean to you. I understand if you can't forgive me, and I personally think that I should get the 'Worst Brother of the Year' award for what I put you through. But… I am truly, honestly, genuinely sorry."

Lauren nodded slowly, her gaze turned away. "I'll… consider it."

"That's all I'm asking." We sat for a few more minutes before I added with a sideways grin, "It's nice to hear you talk again."

Lauren laughed a little. "Thanks."

I let out a deep breath and heaved myself off the couch. "I'm going to order a pizza. You want some?"

"How can you eat after this?" Lauren demanded, looking a lot like her old self.

I shrugged. "I've been an android powered by electricity for too long. I need some actual, factual nourishment. You want some or not?"

Lauren leaned her head back, staring up at the ceiling. "Sure. Why not."

In about half an hour the pizza arrived. Lauren and I ate our slices quietly, not talking much. What had happened – what I had done – had built a wall between us. Maybe one day the wall would be broken down, but today it was taller than ever.

"How long were we in there?" asked Lauren at one point.

"It was about eleven when we went in," I said, looking at my watch. It's four-twenty now. So, we got out at about… three-forty-ish. Huh. Four hours. About as long as it takes for someone who hasn't played the game before to play the game through in one sitting. Not bad. I wonder if we were unconscious through all of it, or if our bodies were absorbed into the game."

"We were unconscious," answered Lauren, examining her pepperoni as if it held the secret to life. "I woke up first and you were still stretched out on the floor."

I nodded. "Good to know."

That ended that conversation.

Lauren was finishing up her third piece and I was well into my sixth (I'm not proud) when Lauren's phone rang. Several hours worth of in-game experience had not dulled her reflexes. She had that baby out before I could say, "Hey, your phone's ringing". Fastest draw in the west.

"Hey, Hannah," she said into the phone. I tried my best not to eavesdrop, but it's kinda hard when the eavesdrop-ee is the only other one in the room and she's talking out loud on the phone. "What's up?"

Even I could hear Hannah talking at full throttle through the phone. "Hey, hey, slow down," Lauren said over her friend's prattle. "I can't understand you. Could you talk slower, please?"

Even slower, Hannah still talked faster than a speeding jet. Lauren listened, her eyes widening. "What? That's great news, Hannah! Oh, I'm so happy for you!"

Her friend talked a little more, but Lauren's eyebrows slowly sank and folded together in thought. "Wait… wait a minute. Hannah? When was this?" Hannah gave her answer. "Huh," Lauren responded. "Okay. I'll be over in a little bit. Okay, bye."

She put her phone back in her pocket and turned to me, a strange expression on her face. "Hey, remember Jane? Hannah's sister? The girl who lives next door?"

I nodded, trying to figure out what she was getting at and find a delicate way to wipe away pizza grease at the same time. "Yeah," I mumbled around my mouthful.

"She woke up from her coma," said Lauren.

I smiled in surprise. "That's great news! Sis, that's awesome!"

I couldn't understand why her expression was still so queer. She should be happy for her friend, and her friend's sister. "John," she said slowly. "She woke up at three-forty-ish."

I stared at her.

"Hannah's words exactly," she added.

Adrenaline suddenly pumping through my veins, I shoved the remainder of my pizza slice into my mouth (kids, don't try this at home. I'm a professional) and dove for my car keys. "Come on," I gasped at Lauren. She didn't ask any questions, but got into the car with me.

"She's in room 205," was all she said.

My hands gripped the steering wheel and I drove as if in a dream. It had been so long since I had seen Jane. I hadn't seen her since we were in… what, eighth grade? I dunno. Sometime around that, give or take a year. Enough time to let me forget her face and voice. It could be possible that…

No. That was just wishful thinking talking. She was just Jane, the sister of Lauren's friend. She could have no connection!

But those times… the exact time we woke up. That couldn't just be coincidence, could it? The correlation was too great to doubt.

And yet I doubted. I doubted and I believed and wrestled and it was like the Itch all over again. I played the scenario over and over in my mind, trying to lower my own expectations. I would go into the room, see Jane on the cot, and it would just be the girl next door. I would wave and say, "Hey, remember me? I'm your next door neighbor, John."

And she would answer, "Oh, hey, John! I haven't seen you since you were in grade school. It's been a long time."

And that's all it would be. Just a girl waking from a coma. Nothing special. No connection between us.

 _But what if…_

I drove into the hospital parking lot, almost taking out an old guy in a wheelchair as I parked. The nurse wheeling him out glared more balefully than GLaDOS as Lauren and I hustled inside, racing to the front desk and getting directions to Jane's room.

The Aperture-white tunnel of walls and doorways had never seemed so long. Even our semi-jogging footsteps didn't get us there in near enough time. It was an eternity before Lauren pointed at the plaque on the door that said '205' and said, "There." We ducked inside.

There was a bustle of activity. All of Jane's family was there, along with several doctors and nurses. I couldn't even see Jane's bed, much less the girl herself. I craned my neck, but couldn't see anything.

"Lauren!" Hannah elbowed her way out of the gathering and gave my sister a bear hug. "Thank goodness you're here!"

I waded through the gathering, trying to see. Hannah's parents were there right by the bed, and her mother was crying, her cheeks streaked with mascara. Still, all I could see of Jane was her hand, holding her mother's.

The doctors folded up their equipment and prepared to leave. The gathering, with exclamations of gratitude, parted to let them out. Before the gap could close, I snuck through and got to the foot of the bed. My heart caught in my throat as I saw the girl for the first (but not really the first) time.

I knew her.

She was thin and pale and had a lot of wires and needles stuck into her. Her eyes were brown, not golden, and she wore a white hospital gown. The covers were pulled up to her chest. Her hair was brown, but I would have recognized that pixie-cut anywhere.

She looked up at me and a flash of starlight seemed to light up her eyes from the inside. "Hey, Wheats," she said out loud, holding out her hand to me. Her smile was more dazzling than all the stars in space. "You said something about a date?"

 **The  
** **End**


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